Original post by TotoMimoSpeaking from experience, and I mean the type of experience where the man has been involved with a woman for over three years on three occasions (remember, I'm nearly thirty now and have been engaged) - sex is the single most deteriorating commodity in a relationship regardless.
My fiance was suffering from the repercussions of a hysterectomy (she was clearly in agony of her sterility) and I continuously made efforts to make her feel sexy. It was not a pantomime - she genuinely WAS sexy to me. Yet every day that passed, she'd slap me, badmouth herself, say she was useless, repel me, tell me I was stupid, ridiculous, use every weapon in her arsenal to tell me I was pointless to her.
It took me so, so long to say to her, "Listen, I feel so unattractive these days, because you're hurting me non-stop." Her response? "You're still handsome to me, but I can't love you because I can't love who I am.".
Do you not realise how significant that is? That a person understands what attraction is, that they love who you are, but still can't love you?!
My fiance was 36. At the time, 8 years my senior. Her awful cystisis meant she had to undergo surgery to remove all of her reproductive organs. I stayed with her. She periodically alienated me bit by bit. I respected everything she was and ever had been. Yet, she kept telling me to go away. "I love you", she'd say, but she'd hit me when I tried to cuddle her. She hated everything she'd become.
" I love you no matter what you are or ever will be!" I said. And that day, she dumped me.
" I still love you", she said. "But I am useless, and not a real woman."
She kept on it, and no matter what I did over the coming weeks, she cut me out. In the end, I cut my losses, cried more tears than a man truly should, but I still sent her messages to tell her she was still a wonderful, beautiful woman. After several further weeks of her telling her friends I was being a disturbing, awful clinger-on, I said to her "I don't ever want to lose what we had." Her text back ruined me. "We had nothing."
A relationship is absolutely a battle between both parties to accept. No matter what, we accept and love the things they are or will be. Appearance is so unbelievably peripheral to that.