Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Not necessarily, m'dear. The last stone and a bit I lost, I did quickly and blindly because I was so devoted to my self-destruction and my self-criticism had reached it's most skewed.

In effect I had become so broken-minded that the more I lost, the less difference I thought I was making.

Honestly, I feel really sad for you, but equally I feel scared for you too; there is the possibility your ED is reaching one of it's worst points.

So i was really happy, then i weighed myself and my bmi is 19.7 Yesterday was the worst day of my life
I have never been this fat and heavy in my entire life, i have never felt this bad in my entire life.

I'm now on a 1200 calorie diet until i achieve a bmi of 17.5, learning that i have a bmi of 19.7 has changed who i am
it's given me a wake up call. I need to get my priorities right or i'm just going to get heavier and heavier. From now on, i'm going to say no whenever i'm offered or tempted to eat something with a high calorie content because of my 'health' and disgustingly huge body mass.

How is anyone expected to respond to this? This does nothing but to give a very triggering statement. It's obvious you need help, but you appear to be in a mindset where you're unwilling to accept it, so why are you posting things like this on a forum that is meant to encourage others to recover and give support?
You need to speak to somebody but you also need to WANT to recover. If you were admitting your struggles but also asking for help I'm sure you'd find some encouragement here. Do you want to get better?

If people could just see the damage, the heartache this causes the person and the people they're dear to, I'm sure there'd be less flippant, totally moronic trolling attempts.

So i was really happy, then i weighed myself and my bmi is 19.7 Yesterday was the worst day of my life
I have never been this fat and heavy in my entire life, i have never felt this bad in my entire life.

I'm now on a 1200 calorie diet until i achieve a bmi of 17.5, learning that i have a bmi of 19.7 has changed who i am
it's given me a wake up call. I need to get my priorities right or i'm just going to get heavier and heavier. From now on, i'm going to say no whenever i'm offered or tempted to eat something with a high calorie content because of my 'health' and disgustingly huge body mass.

Snowy - It sounds like your disorder is just making excuses to take over you. Your boyfriends sex drive has NOTHING to do with your weight either way but your ED is trying to convince you otherwise. You're just going to have to believe us over the disorder.

I just can't do this anymore.

Here's a post I'm going to make that's not flippant, not self-indulgent, not smarmy, nothing. It's basically me speaking as me, not the Toto that has experienced start-to-finish the ED experience.

Every single day I experience people that are so full of self-doubt. These people are so, so absorbed in their own arbitrary experiences that they forget what it is to be.... a person.

We are all flawed. We are all full of incredible pain. Some people use spite. Some people use apathy. We use self-harm. This is who we are.

The fact is, when you distil it down to the base level, we are all just punishing ourselves for our own weaknesses. Sometimes we think that punishment will better us. It does not.

"If I keep kicking my own arse then surely I'll be a better person!" - but no, you won't be - you'll be a conflicted, bitter, and cruel being, and if nobody is around to accept your cruelty, you'll act upon yourself. This is why when I keep saying "isolation is the killer" I don't mean it in an idle sense. I mean that the broken mind starts to focus on certain things.

Guys, why, WHY do you continue to hurt yourselves and enjoy it?! When I did it, It was because I was working towards a goal that made so sense. It still hurt, but I did it anyway. But why would YOU kill your organs for something? Why kill off your senses, your body, your lifeblood? I want to know.

We've had the discussion plenty of times - he just says it's nothing to do with me, and that he still fancies me, but his sex drive is just low. Sometimes when I'm feeling low though my min says to me "what if he's lying to make you feel better? What if he secretly wishes you were slimmer?"

So what? This is kill-yourself time, is it?

I've been at this point too. Life is too terrible to carry on.

Do you want to die today for an incredibly broken mind? Are you willing to end it here, knowing that some parasite killed you off?

That's your call. I for one, fought it. But hey, if you'd ether indulge fatal fantasy .. Your call.

Snowy, I don't know whether this is of any help, but from a man to a woman…my girl thinks she's 'fat and ugly' (deliberate inverted commas), and she's freaking hot in my eyes, but I couldn't get my mojo fully on when I wanted to on my birthday, but that's because despite my bravado I was just as scared and insecure as her. I get quite anxious about my sex drive being low in my opinion, which may or may not be true, but worrying about it just makes it worse.
Anyway, my point is you're more than good enough for your guy as you are, never forget that

I'm going to go to the doctors when I'm back at uni after xmas. About this, the anxiety, the panic attacks and the days where I just cannot get out of bed...

I'm not going willingly, I'm being dragged, and blackmailed with a large coffee from Costa over it.

I havent purged for around three weeks now. Im so proud of myself because ive barely had to actually restrain myself from doing it. I thought my visit home would be awful with everybody secretly commenting on how I look and how I look disgusting and fat. To my surprise, every single person has told me I look really well. It means so much and has really started to restore my confidence. To top it off, one of the cutest guys I went to college with kissed me last night. Might finally be my time to get my life back on track! Merry Christmas everyone. X