Me and a friend accidentally broke his parents' table: should I pay?

So me and a few friends went round my friend's (let's call him 'A') for a poker night. Me and A tried to bring in the garden table from outside (which we weren't meant to do), and the pane of glass on the top slid off and smashed. It was a £130 piece of glass that his parents bought each other for Christmas. It was his idea to bring the table in when he knew he shouldn't, but I feel I played just as much of a part in it as him. He was kicked out for a few days (but now things have calmed down he might be able to go back sooner).

I said that I wanted to pay for half of it, but his parents blame only him, and A keeps telling me he won't take my money because it was his fault. I feel really guilty and feel like I should pay probably about £50 towards it.

Should I keep on at him and tell him I'm paying the £50, or should I just say "okay, have it your way" and let him pay the full amount. It's partially to help him out that I want to pay, but also partially to say sorry to his parents. Opinions welcome, cheers.

Reply 1

_jake_

14

You were the guest, and he decided to bring in the table. I doubt his parents would expect you to pay as he is their child and knows that he shouldn't be bringing the table indoors. Although, I'd feel guilty too so I'd recommend speaking to his parents directly and offering to pay towards a replacement, if they decline, at least you've tried and haven't just been ignorant.

Reply 2

officelinebacker

Original post by Automaton

So me and a few friends went round my friend's (let's call him 'A') for a poker night. Me and A tried to bring in the garden table from outside (which we weren't meant to do), and the pane of glass on the top slid off and smashed. It was a £130 piece of glass that his parents bought each other for Christmas. It was his idea to bring the table in when he knew he shouldn't, but I feel I played just as much of a part in it as him. He was kicked out for a few days (but now things have calmed down he might be able to go back sooner).

I said that I wanted to pay for half of it, but his parents blame only him, and A keeps telling me he won't take my money because it was his fault. I feel really guilty and feel like I should pay probably about £50 towards it.

Should I keep on at him and tell him I'm paying the £50, or should I just say "okay, have it your way" and let him pay the full amount. It's partially to help him out that I want to pay, but also partially to say sorry to his parents. Opinions welcome, cheers.

Why not talk to his parents? Tell them that it wasn't purely their son that was responsible, that you were involved, and give your share of the money directly to them.

Firstly, apologising doesn't make you look weak so if that's in your mind then just drop it. Secondly, if your friend won't take your money then it's the only way to ensure that your share is paid. Thirdly, it's the decent thing to do as you were partly responsible for breaking it, and fourthly, it would get your friend out of a bit of trouble with his parents as they would know that it wasn't entirely his fault.

Reply 3

Folion

15

The very fact that you have apologised and offered payment to both your friend and his parents should suffice I think you can stop offering now.

His parents are correct in that morally it is your friend's responsibility but I do understand how you feel in having part responsibility. Maybe you could make a token gesture to his parents like a written "sorry" card and a bottle of wine or something if appropriate. You could see your friend right in other ways at a later date like paying for some tickets to go somewhere or other appropriate treat or gift.

Good on you for manning up

Reply 4

Automaton

OP

15

Well, I never apologised to his parents. They came out and told him not to make me sweep anything up because it was his fault. And his dad was scary, I thought he was going to hit him :')
But I'm going to message his dad today on facebook to say sorry. So do you think I should say to him, in the message, that I want to pay some towards it if he'll let me? Like: "If you'd let me, I'd like to pay some towards the glass"

Reply 5

The_Dragonborn

Pay the money - you'll find that when people, even friends. say "It's OK, you don't have to pay for anything", it'll still be a nice gesture and his parents will like and respect you for that too.

Reply 6

ElChapo

18

The only way to make this right would be to sleep with his sister

Reply 7

Folion

15

Original post by Automaton

Well, I never apologised to his parents. They came out and told him not to make me sweep anything up because it was his fault. And his dad was scary, I thought he was going to hit him :')
But I'm going to message his dad today on facebook to say sorry. So do you think I should say to him, in the message, that I want to pay some towards it if he'll let me? Like: "If you'd let me, I'd like to pay some towards the glass"

I think the gesture would be greatly appreciated by his parents even if they decide to politely decline your offer of payment.

A word of advice, make sure the message to his father is private and not publicly visible otherwise it might look like you're making some grand face saving gesture rather than personally apologising with sincerity. As old fashioned as it may seem a hand written card of apology will actually go that bit further in their estimation if it is possible for you to do so. This may also help your friend in that he may be allowed to have guests at the house again sooner rather than later if his parents see that you are a decent person.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

Automaton

OP

15

Thanks for the help, guys. Here's a message I typed (to send through a private facebook message; his dad seems like the sort of person that would find a written letter or something weird or too formal):

Hi "A's dad",
About last night, I'd like to say sorry. I know it was "A's" idea to bring the table in and whatnot, but I still helped him to bring it inside, so I feel partially responsible. If you'd let me, I'd like to pay towards a new pane of glass for it. And could you please tell "A's mom" I said sorry too?

Reckon that's good enough?

Reply 9

Folion

15

Original post by Automaton

Thanks for the help, guys. Here's a message I typed (to send through a private facebook message; his dad seems like the sort of person that would find a written letter or something weird or too formal):

Reckon that's good enough?

Sounds fine. The ball is entirely in their court now and I wouldn't push any more apologies or money until you get a response.