Male buying sex toy while in a relationship

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csmith2002
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#1
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I am currently in an 8 year relationship with my girlfriend. I have no doubt that she is the one for me.

When it comes to sex she has never been adventurous, and these days we would be lucky to have it once every two months. Not that this is how I want it, I give up trying to make an effort because I get nothing in return. I definitely think her being on the pill kills her sex drive but that is a different story.

To keep me satisfied I was thinking of buying a sex toy, but the thought makes me feel deceitful. I hide nothing from my partner, and don't know how she would react if she found it. Surely she must masturbate, when I tried asking before she tried to imply she didn't. How would you feel if you found your boyfriend had a sex toy?
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Truflais
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I would probably be hurt, but then feel like I had to step it up a gear so he wouldn't need a sex toy. Talk to her about it perhaps? Buying a sex toy isn't at all a bad thing, but maybe she'll see how hard you're finding it and she'll want to put in a bit more effort?
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Profesh
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Christ, this is depressing.
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MJ1012
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She has no right to complain if you're only having sex once every two months.

Just out of curiosity, what is this sex toy?
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Luxray
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(Original post by Precious Illusions)
I would probably be hurt, but then feel like I had to step it up a gear so he wouldn't need a sex toy. Talk to her about it perhaps? Buying a sex toy isn't at all a bad thing, but maybe she'll see how hard you're finding it and she'll want to put in a bit more effort?
if it isn't a bad thing then I don't see why you should feel hurt lol

You should definitely ask her why she is so rarely in the mood - and ask how you can help and that you feel down.
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LolaLowe
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Key is communication. Talk to her, tell her what you are thinking of buying, ask if there is anything she would like whilst you are ordering! When it arrives ask if she wants to play with the stuff together....

If she is just not into it thats fine, you're on your own, but having these things and not including her is going to make you feel guilty and her feel weird if she finds them.

Toys are nothing to be ashamed of, but share all of the info, talk to her. It may be that the thought of you satisfying yourself this way makes her a bit keener, or watching you might spark up a bit of interest.

Good luck!
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Swanbow
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Once every two months? :eek: Man something must be wrong, definitely need to have a talk.
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csmith2002
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I've tried talking time and time again but she just doesn't want to, she doesn't see a problem. Which is fair enough, I accept that she doesn't have the same sex drive as me. I would never be the type of guy to cheat.
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Tai Ga
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Please tell me you're not buying an anal plug.
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csmith2002
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Like I said she has never been adventurous, I mentioned toys in the past and she isn't interested in anyway. I even asked her to wear suspenders before and was told no chance!

(Original post by LolaLowe)
Key is communication. Talk to her, tell her what you are thinking of buying, ask if there is anything she would like whilst you are ordering! When it arrives ask if she wants to play with the stuff together....

If she is just not into it thats fine, you're on your own, but having these things and not including her is going to make you feel guilty and her feel weird if she finds them.

Toys are nothing to be ashamed of, but share all of the info, talk to her. It may be that the thought of you satisfying yourself this way makes her a bit keener, or watching you might spark up a bit of interest.

Good luck!
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Truflais
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(Original post by Luxray)
if it isn't a bad thing then I don't see why you should feel hurt lol

You should definitely ask her why she is so rarely in the mood - and ask how you can help and that you feel down.
I think I'd feel more hurt that I wasn't enough for him. I think in some circumstances, e.g LDRs it's more understandable you know?
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csmith2002
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Lol no interest in that! It's a male version of a vibrator.

(Original post by Tai Ga)
Please tell me you're not buying an anal plug.
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LolaLowe
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(Original post by csmith2002)
I've tried talking time and time again but she just doesn't want to, she doesn't see a problem. Which is fair enough, I accept that she doesn't have the same sex drive as me. I would never be the type of guy to cheat.
Okay, so she doesn't think there is a problem, but you should still keep her in the loop. I mean say hey I'm buying myself one of these for the days I want to play and you dont, anything you want? I just think if its a secret toy then its gonna end up being attached to guilt and stuff. She has no grounds to object and say she doesn't want you to have this toy, especially if you are open about it.
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stargirl63
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Do you have to tell her?
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Tyrion_Lannister
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if she's only having sex once every 2 months she can't complain
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Jellybeany
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I wouldn't be bothered if my bf got one!
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csmith2002
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I think she wouldn't be warm to the idea, but I do need to think about my needs too. Anytime we have sex its because I would spend the whole night trying to get her in the mood. If she was really horny and wanted sex, she would do nothing to instigate it.
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EasyReppin
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If there's no passion it's no more than a good friendship.
Sex is part of being in a relationship, not the most important I might add but definitely a key part.
Tell her or walk away as this need for a sex toy is just pathetic.
How can a lad justify getting a sex toy.
Grow a pair and tell her or leave. That or be a ***** for life. Your move OP
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username1060288
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I think you need to communicate a lot more about this stuff. Is it important to you? The fact that she wasn't even all that comfortable discussing masturbation is quite shocking when you've been together so long. If it's not important to you then fair enough but if it is...it's just a shame Communication in this area is quite intimate and well..nice.
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Jebedee
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(Original post by csmith2002)
I've tried talking time and time again but she just doesn't want to, she doesn't see a problem. Which is fair enough, I accept that she doesn't have the same sex drive as me. I would never be the type of guy to cheat.
Then she doesn't give a damn about you bro. Man up and kick her to the curb. When a girl tries to disarm you by saying "relationships aren't all about sex" or something of the like, what she really means is "this relationship is about me and my needs only". By definition cheating is doing something which you should be doing with your partner, if she isn't doing it with you then technically it isn't cheating as you're not getting from someone else what you could be getting from her.

But this seems like a lot of trouble to go through just to avoid being assertive about your needs.
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