Ladies help . Wifes monthly allowance

Original post by joker12345

I just mean that generally, if one partner is bringing in all the money at that time they're entitled to spend (or save - whatever really) more than they give to their partner to spend on luxuries. I don't think it would be unfair to do so, though if they wish to work like your partner does then that's fine.

Well he doesn't choose to work - he has to work. If he didn't work he would probably receive the same amount of money in benefits, but that's not really a choice either of us would make. Obviously if we were talking about higher-paying jobs then the situation would be different and he could choose to work less if he wanted, even while I'm out of work.

I wasn't talking about savings here. We certainly don't treat either of our monthly incomes as entirely disposable. Admittedly we've only been able to save a little over £100 a month each on a regular basis, but it still counts, and any luxuries at all would go before we stopped doing that with our income.

I will receive my last paycheck in the next few days and will save that still (even though my last paycheck will likely only be £250 or so), but after that the fact that no more money is coming into my account will change my approach to some things. I like being able to save. And that applies only to my own income. I like my other half to save, but I would never expect him to save any of his income in my savings account while I am unable to save myself. I think that's purely based on the idea that if we were to split, I would feel bad taking that money. However (if this balances the idea out before anyone jumps on it to say something about divorce outcomes), I don't expect to be significantly financially disadvantaged at the point of breakup, purely because I couldn't get a full-time job/it wasn't convenient for me or us in the context of our longer term plans (I will not be looking for a full-time job because I am doing a lot of studying right now, with the aim of getting into Med School and ultimately probably becoming the main breadwinner, and he is supportive of that). While I'm out of a job, I don't expect to be using up everything in my bank account to continue paying the same share I did while I was working, as long as he can still afford to take on those responsibilities.

My situation may well be significantly different to most couples in the UK though, given that moving to Denmark to live with my partner deprived me of any recourse to out-of-work benefits, and also deprived me of a certain likelihood of getting a job. Hence my income was a negative for several months and I gained a part-time rather than full-time job because that is what I managed to get, so he has paid according to ability and helped me out during the time where I had no job. It was either that or I couldn't live in Denmark with him due to finances. An entirely fair compromise.

Reply 84

donutaud15

22

Original post by theoferdinand

Not really . But lets be real thats not even true . What is true however is that most women are extremely materialistic and are not as good as men at budgeting .

this is just hilarious

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Reply 85

Peace&Love

6

She should be the air and grace of her husband : shoulsn't this work both ways? Why are you giving all the attention surely it should be equal.

Reply 86

Machop

5

Original post by Ronove

Why are you (and others) reading things into this that aren't there? No-one said it's a problem to want her to be the housewife. The problem is expecting that and then not granting her financial autonomy.

Edit: To make this clearer, I mean that he is saying 'you will not have a job according to my rules, and you will not be able to use money as you please unless you get a job'. How is that not abundantly clear?

You seem to be missing the point entirely and going off on a different argument. The issue of whether or not she can leave the marriage is not the focus here. Of course she can, but then what are we even talking about?

The point is that it is highly unlikely she agreed to marry him and be the housewife and not get a job with the knowledge that he would then be able to dictate whether or not she could have every last thing she might desire, purely because she's not the one earning the money. No-one wants that out of married life, regardless of whether or not they're happy to be expected to stay home.

Lol you say I missed the point and then you yourself come up with some random bs. All I said is that this woman has the ability to speak for herself and make her own decisions, no one is forcing her to do or be anything against her will

Reply 87

Original post by Enoxial

Actually no.
I didn't want to go into details but it said that generally when women after work leave for home, they visit the Supermarkets to do the aforementioned.

So infact this research is an exception to the 'Women do all the shopping' rule, better go and come up with another excuse.

Men don't give flowers and chocolates to themselves you know.

I assumed the women were buying beer for their husbands given how few women I know drink beer

Reply 88

Original post by donutaud15

this is just hilarious

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Literally cried laughing at work when I read it

Reply 89

Enoxial

16

Original post by redferry

I assumed the women were buying beer for their husbands given how few women I know drink beer

From the 'I was drunk and made out with someone except my bf' threads I would say consumption of beer would be pretty much same in both Genders.

And female consumption numbers are growing.

Reply 90

Original post by Enoxial

From the 'I was drunk and made out with someone except my bf' threads I would say consumption of beer would be pretty much same in both Genders.

And female consumption numbers are growing.

Do the OPs of all those threads claim to have been drinking beer?

Reply 91

donutaud15

22

Original post by redferry

Literally cried laughing at work when I read it

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Reply 92

Original post by Enoxial

From the 'I was drunk and made out with someone except my bf' threads I would say consumption of beer would be pretty much same in both Genders.

And female consumption numbers are growing.

Most women drink wine or spirits not beer.

I imagine those women picking up beers often do so for their other half.

Reply 93

Original post by Ronove

Do the OPs of all those threads claim to have been drinking beer?

Uh have you not heard that beer causes people to cheat? That's why I stick to cider.

Reply 94

Enoxial

16

Original post by Ronove

Do the OPs of all those threads claim to have been drinking beer?

This is detail would be regarded as irrelevant (on their threads)but be my guest to ask them. (Well the small minority who don't use Anon)

Reply 95

Original post by Enoxial

This is detail would be regarded as irrelevant (on their threads)but be my guest to ask them. (Well the small minority who don't use Anon)

So why would you use those threads as evidence that women drink beer?

Reply 96

0zzy94

16

Original post by redferry

I do not know a single woman who has spent money out of a joint account on shopping. They're more likely to be the ones sorting all the household finances. As I do, and my mum does.

IMO, a woman/mother will spend every penny on the family/child. Which is great, but therein lies the problem... You have a joint account, come home to find she didnt spend a penny on herself but the kids running around with £60 nike shoes which they'll out grow in 2 months.

At least thats what happens in my house....

Reply 97

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by Huskaris

Yes. But the difference is cars are a lot less impulse buying, you tend to sit down and talk before you buy a car (not always granted)

But a few pairs of shoes and dresses here and there can comfortably add up to the same amount but without any real consultation with your other half.

This thread is really angering me. Why are you all assuming these things? And the common place way you're saying it shows just how deep this goes into your thinking process

Reply 98

anspailpinfanach

7

Original post by Sherry1993

They like to be the married wife, with the perfect house and well behaved children. They are feminin and look to their husbands for the financial support, and to make the decisions this makes them feel looked after, supported, they have no worries. Giving them a pretty easy life.

Until something happens to the husband. Then what? Pretty sad to be still acting like a 10 year old when you're 40.

Original post by Sherry1993

I know my other half wants me to look my best when I'm on his arm, he wants other men to be jelous, I as a woman want the cleanest house, I would be embarressed if a guest turned up to our home and it wasnt hoovered or their was dirty dishes on the side, of course its my role to keep up with the house work.

Fair enough, I don't have a problem with division of labour in a marriage. One stays at home, one works outside. Not an issue. I've done both by the way, and definitely find working outside easier. However, it's still a partnership. It's not his money just because he has the salary. If he has children and a house, he either needs to (a) look after them himself - and therefore not earn any money, (b) pay somebody to look after them, or (c) enter a partnership with somebody else to look after them. For (c) his partner is just as entitled to his salary as he is. And if he doesn't like it, he could always swap roles.

Original post by Sherry1993

If she tells you shee is going for coffee with the girls, then give her a 20. more than enough for a coffee, but then will allow her to grab a sandwich just because the other girls are doing so, etc.

This is how you treat a child, not an adult. And even then I wouldn't treat a child older than 11 like this. It's demeaning to have to ask somebody for money any time you want to have a cup of coffee.

Original post by Sherry1993

lthough I feel as a woman having an allowance if I was given it on the monday I would probably splash it by midweek then when the girls want to meet on saturday for coffee I'd be asking for more money :P Just because thats what us woman are like (well most i'd say)

I know a number of people who can't budget. Male and female. With some it just seems to be poor impulse control. with others it's because they were never taught it was important, they always had somebody looking after them, and rescuing them from their bad decisions. It seems to me a very strong symptom of somebody who refuses to grow up, and wants to remain a child all their life.

I hope if you have daughters you won't bring them up with the attitude that they don't need to look after themselves, a Daddy will always be there to look after them. And I use the word Daddy deliberately, because that's what you seem to be treating your other half as.

There won't always be somebody else to make the hard decisions for you. And if you have any sense of responsibility towards your children, you need to teach them self-reliance also.

BTW none of this has anything to do with feminism. Unless you regard feminism as wanting to be treated as an adult instead of a child.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 99