My boyfriend wants me to commute instead of living at uni

Right so I live in Exeter and have been offered a place at Plymouth uni. I'm on the fence about whether i should commute (hour journey on train both ways), or if i should live in halls.

I feel like traveling would be a pain in the ass, and stop me from having a decent social life. However it would be cheaper and id get more support from my family and boyfriend when coming home every evening. Plus i would hate not being able to see him often.

Halls would just be so much easier, especially with freshers week, meeting people, and clubbing without having to leave early. But traveling in would be cheaper and i would be able to see my boyfriend often. And then if i decided to live half the week up there and half at home, is it worth paying the rent for halls? So what would you do?

I know its not that far away, but i'm really conflicted about this.

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Reply 1

Padwas

do whats best for you
commuting is hell

Reply 2

Conzy210

Go to halls, it's close enough for him to visit all the time, you two will have plenty of freedom and privacy due to you not being with your parents anymore etc

Reply 3

Aniaa

you still can see your boyfriend oftenly even if you dont live in the same cities, 1 hour is not the end of the World.

Reply 4

honeywhite

Original post by VelveteenBee

Tell him to buggar off. Time is money. You're wasting two hours a day.

Reply 5

Octohedral

Original post by VelveteenBee

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HALLS!!! You'll regret it if you don't. I'm not saying you'll definitely have the time of your life if you do, mind - as ever, nobody can guarantee that - but if you're not in halls you'll always wonder what you missed out on. Most clubs and social events are in the evenings / at weekends, and I've seen other people on here saying that commuting made them feel isolated. Of course, people who commute and don't feel isolated are less likely to be on TSR, so that may not mean anything.

However, everything I can possibly think of indicates staying in Halls. You'll have more time for work, better access to libraries, be able to invite people to your room, have a quiet place of your own to stay between lectures, be able to get somewhere at short notice, and many more.

How serious are you and your boyfriend? If you were engaged I might say differently, but personally I would live in halls. It will be better socially and academically (some universities don't even let you commute), and he can always come and visit.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 6

pinkbullets

Go for halls, at least in your first year. If you wanted to commute in your second and third years that would be understandable. But you'll be able to come home every weekend/every second weekend to see your boyfriend anyway and you'll get the full university experience in halls.

Reply 7

CJKay

Jesus, live your life woman. Do what you want to do. Halls for sure.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

stargirl63

Halls is the best way to go. You will be so tired after commuting every day that the last thing you will want to do when you're home is study, and you may even fall behind. Uni is so much more social, and if you stay at home, you will just feel like you're going to school everyday, not uni.

Reply 9

redferry

Definitely halls, you wont make anywhere near as many friends if you don't and if you and your bf split up you'll hate him forever.

Reply 10

Quick-use

Original post by Octohedral

I didn't stay in halls and I still don't. Some of my friends didn't, some really disliked halls and some loved it. Out of those that didn't stay in halls, some that I've talked to never wondered what they missed out on. I guess that it just depends on the person :smile:

Furthermore, your social life is what you make of it: you could live in halls and not socialise but equally so, you could live at home and socialise plenty and vice versa etc. :smile:

Having said that, I live in the city that my uni is at and it only takes me about half an hour by bus so I don't know too much about commuting a long distance. A friend of mine does it and I think she definitely found it difficult to make friends but she's not the most out-going person generally. So, I think that commuting didn't help her make friends but it could also be that even then, she didn't really try to go above and beyond to socialise.

In any case, I find it really convenient living near university. I don't live in halls but I'm half an hour from uni which is basically the same distance as living in halls here. It's a drag being too far.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 11

Tiger Rag

I would go for halls. I sometimes found that I had a 2 - 3 hour gap between lectures and would go home for a bit. Can't really do that if you commute.

Reply 12

ChocoCoatedLemons

Original post by enthuziazmz

he can't tell you what to do, he's not your husband.

He couldn't even if he was her husband.

Do what you want OP. I'd live in halls, you'll have more freedom anyway.

Reply 13

LolaLowe

Original post by enthuziazmz

he can't tell you what to do, he's not your husband.

...he cant tell her what to do whether he is her husband or not!!!!

Halls. For the first year, its part of the experience, and if in the second and subsequent years you choose to live at your parents to save money then at least its an option.

Reply 14

Rascacielos

I disliked halls, so I can't really comment fairly. But I don't think you should make your decision based on your boyfriend alone. You have to think about what will happen if you split up a month after you go to university, and you've missed out on a place in halls. Will you regret it? If he's a decent sort, then he will respect your decision, whatever it is. If he's being selfish about it, then that's not fair.

Reply 15

ChangeOurWorld

Halls. He'll have to deal with it.

It is ultimately your decision and although being able to see him is a factor into your decision making process you need to weigh it up against social life there.

Reply 16

lyrical_lie

I commute but it's only a 20minute bus/train journey for me. And strangely most of the people that I'm friendly with in my year all stay at home (or did we're in 4th year now) so I think commuting is more common than you'd think especially in big cities. And we all still made friends, I'm still on sports clubs and I still go out. Sure I probably missed out a wee bit but I'm not overly traumatised by it. Plus I've stayed at my friends in halls, some of them are awful lol.

So yes I'm probably playing devils advocate but my point is that all these people who say you wont make friends if you don't stay in halls are over exaggerating a bit. I mean my boyfriend maybe speaks to one person he shared halls with in is first year nowadays.

Reply 17

SilverstarDJ

Original post by VelveteenBee

I feel like traveling would be a pain in the ass, and stop me from having a decent social life. However it would be cheaper and id get more support from my family and boyfriend when coming home every evening. Plus i would hate not being able to see him often.

I don't know about you, but I find trains being very expensive during peak hours, so the price difference may not be as much as you think? I have a different social circle to my boyfriend both at uni and when I go home - it's nice to sometimes spend a bit of time apart with other people or else pursuing different hobbies. If you spend all your time with your bf you will miss out on the social side of things.

Halls would just be so much easier, especially with freshers week, meeting people, and clubbing without having to leave early. But traveling in would be cheaper and i would be able to see my boyfriend often. And then if i decided to live half the week up there and half at home, is it worth paying the rent for halls? So what would you do?

Whether you live at uni or home, you still have the chance to see your boyfriend often. In fact, if you wanted you could see him every day in the evenings, for example. He could share part of the journey too and visit you.

I think you feel like you are having to choose between your bf and living in halls?? This really isn't the case. Do what you think will make your life easier for yourself. If you really want to experience of living in halls (and I know some who regretted not moving out of home) and you can afford to, then go for it. I didn't really enjoy halls all that much, but on the other hand if I didn't I wouldn't have the wonderful friends I have no so I personally wouldn't change my experience.

Reply 18

peasandqueues

I really urge you to go with halls.

You will miss out a lot on the social life! I was pretty much living a 'married life' with my boyfriend and didn't socialise enough in first year, now I feel I've majorly missed out on the crucial first stages of bonding.

You only do an undergrad degree once and I think you'll really regret not making the most of the student experience.

Reply 19

username919394

My boyfriend and I almost commuted to uni and I am so glad we didn't, so far living in halls has been the best experience and I have absolutely no regrets.