What should I do?
This might be long but I would really appreciate if youcould take the time to read it as I would like another perspective on it. So about 2 months ago, following a staffnight out, I got close to this girl from work. For the first few weeks it was great, we met up for coffee a couple oftimes, I went around to her flat regularly, we would text all the time and havelengthy phone conversations almost every night. We seemed to like each other and enjoyed spending time together.
One night we met for coffee, when I seen her I leaned in tokiss her but she refused so I knew something was up. Coffee was fine and I just went homeafterwards. I phoned her later on thatevening and that's when she told me she didn't want to progress anythingfurther in a romantic kind of way because she was just out of a long-termrelationship, which looking back was fair enough.
I was upset about that. I said that we could just befriends, but I was just pretending and really wanted more from her. As the weeks progressed I done some reallysilly things in the heat of the moment. One night I was around at her flat and I broke one of her glasses as Iwas furious because she didn't feel the same way about me. Another night we went with a few otherfriends to the pub and at the end of the night I tried to remonstrate with herabout my feelings but she was still telling me she didn't feel the same. That's not what I wanted to hear so I toldher to '**** off' numerous times. Ofcourse she left and I smashed my iPhone up on the street in a rage. After these incidents she said that she wouldstill talk to me because she understood that I was clearly drunk on both theseoccasions. For the next couple of days Iignored her, she was trying to get into contact with me and I rang her onenight after work. She still told me onthe phone that the situation was the same and nothing would progress. I said that I wasn't annoyed with her, butjust annoyed at the situation. It wasNew Year's Eve and I was invited out by my mates, but I just went home, didn'ttake my jacket off and just cried on the sofa for an hour.
The following Thursday at work I tried to play games withher and blanked her out. I could see shewas getting upset but still I continued to blank her out. Later on that evening,after work, we spoke on Facebook about the situation and agreed that we would goback to being friends 'for real this time'. For the next couple of days I was genuinely happy with the way thingswere. I seen something pop up on myFacebook news feed that she was texting another guy, and that made me jealous,so now that we were friendly again and the situation had calmed I decided toask her on a date. She said that wasn'ta good idea because of the way I had acted before. I didn't take it well and I started sendingher abusive text messages which I deeply regret. When I noticed she wasn't replying to mymessages I rang her at least 30 times. She said that she didn't want to speak to me anymore and that she wantednothing to do with me. This happened onthe Wednesday night and work on Thursday and Friday was not a pleasantexperience.
Things got worse.....usually on a Friday night after work wewould wait with one another until one of our buses came. On that Friday night she didn't wait for me,looking back that shouldn't have been a shock to me. When I noticed she had left work without memy heart dropped. I went to my bus stopand looked further down the street to see if I could notice her waiting on herbus. Her bus came and I looked as shegot on. I tried to ring her to tell herI was sorry for everything. When Inoticed she was ignoring my calls that flicked a switch inside me and in theheat of the moment I regrettably decided to pay a visit to her flat to try andremonstrate with her. When I arrived Ideliberately stood beside the door so she couldn't see who it was through thelittle hole in her door, if she had seen it was me I knew she wouldn't haveanswered. I knocked once, noanswer. I knocked a second time, sheopened the door slowly and I seized the opportunity to lunge at the door andput my foot in the hallway so she couldn't close the door on me (this ishorrible I know). I said I was sorrynumerous times but she said my actions were frightening her and she just wantedme to leave. I stood at the door tryingto get her to talk about the situation for about 10 minutes and only leftbecause of one of the neighbours started to complain. It was late at night and the buses wereinfrequent so I just decided to book a taxi home. I got home, jumped into bed and after about10 minutes I received a phone call from the police saying they wanted to have achat with me. They said that she wasconcerned about my behaviour and that I needed to stop phoning her. I completely understood what they were sayingand decided I need to forget her, and that enough is enough.
About 2 weeks has gone by and understandably she hasn'tspoken a word to me. Work is horrible atthe moment, she can't even look me in the eye never mind have a conversationwith me. I sent her a couple of messageson Facebook a couple of days ago saying that my feelings have changed for her(they genuinely have) and I just want to go back to being mates. I know this story hasn't given a glowingimpression of me but deep down it honestly isn't who I really am. It is most 'involved' I have ever been with agirl, I know it's no excuse for my behaviour but that's why I have gone a bitcrazy and obsessive. Her and thesituation is always in my thoughts and I can't forget it.
Have I completely spooked her out and is there anything Ican do? Or do I need to move on? I just want to be mates and so we can getalong again because when things were good speaking to her was great!
I knows it's only been 2 months or whatever but I have grownto like her so much but I get the feeling she doesn't care about me anymorewhich is the worst thing about it.
One night we met for coffee, when I seen her I leaned in tokiss her but she refused so I knew something was up. Coffee was fine and I just went homeafterwards. I phoned her later on thatevening and that's when she told me she didn't want to progress anythingfurther in a romantic kind of way because she was just out of a long-termrelationship, which looking back was fair enough.
I was upset about that. I said that we could just befriends, but I was just pretending and really wanted more from her. As the weeks progressed I done some reallysilly things in the heat of the moment. One night I was around at her flat and I broke one of her glasses as Iwas furious because she didn't feel the same way about me. Another night we went with a few otherfriends to the pub and at the end of the night I tried to remonstrate with herabout my feelings but she was still telling me she didn't feel the same. That's not what I wanted to hear so I toldher to '**** off' numerous times. Ofcourse she left and I smashed my iPhone up on the street in a rage. After these incidents she said that she wouldstill talk to me because she understood that I was clearly drunk on both theseoccasions. For the next couple of days Iignored her, she was trying to get into contact with me and I rang her onenight after work. She still told me onthe phone that the situation was the same and nothing would progress. I said that I wasn't annoyed with her, butjust annoyed at the situation. It wasNew Year's Eve and I was invited out by my mates, but I just went home, didn'ttake my jacket off and just cried on the sofa for an hour.
The following Thursday at work I tried to play games withher and blanked her out. I could see shewas getting upset but still I continued to blank her out. Later on that evening,after work, we spoke on Facebook about the situation and agreed that we would goback to being friends 'for real this time'. For the next couple of days I was genuinely happy with the way thingswere. I seen something pop up on myFacebook news feed that she was texting another guy, and that made me jealous,so now that we were friendly again and the situation had calmed I decided toask her on a date. She said that wasn'ta good idea because of the way I had acted before. I didn't take it well and I started sendingher abusive text messages which I deeply regret. When I noticed she wasn't replying to mymessages I rang her at least 30 times. She said that she didn't want to speak to me anymore and that she wantednothing to do with me. This happened onthe Wednesday night and work on Thursday and Friday was not a pleasantexperience.
Things got worse.....usually on a Friday night after work wewould wait with one another until one of our buses came. On that Friday night she didn't wait for me,looking back that shouldn't have been a shock to me. When I noticed she had left work without memy heart dropped. I went to my bus stopand looked further down the street to see if I could notice her waiting on herbus. Her bus came and I looked as shegot on. I tried to ring her to tell herI was sorry for everything. When Inoticed she was ignoring my calls that flicked a switch inside me and in theheat of the moment I regrettably decided to pay a visit to her flat to try andremonstrate with her. When I arrived Ideliberately stood beside the door so she couldn't see who it was through thelittle hole in her door, if she had seen it was me I knew she wouldn't haveanswered. I knocked once, noanswer. I knocked a second time, sheopened the door slowly and I seized the opportunity to lunge at the door andput my foot in the hallway so she couldn't close the door on me (this ishorrible I know). I said I was sorrynumerous times but she said my actions were frightening her and she just wantedme to leave. I stood at the door tryingto get her to talk about the situation for about 10 minutes and only leftbecause of one of the neighbours started to complain. It was late at night and the buses wereinfrequent so I just decided to book a taxi home. I got home, jumped into bed and after about10 minutes I received a phone call from the police saying they wanted to have achat with me. They said that she wasconcerned about my behaviour and that I needed to stop phoning her. I completely understood what they were sayingand decided I need to forget her, and that enough is enough.
About 2 weeks has gone by and understandably she hasn'tspoken a word to me. Work is horrible atthe moment, she can't even look me in the eye never mind have a conversationwith me. I sent her a couple of messageson Facebook a couple of days ago saying that my feelings have changed for her(they genuinely have) and I just want to go back to being mates. I know this story hasn't given a glowingimpression of me but deep down it honestly isn't who I really am. It is most 'involved' I have ever been with agirl, I know it's no excuse for my behaviour but that's why I have gone a bitcrazy and obsessive. Her and thesituation is always in my thoughts and I can't forget it.
Have I completely spooked her out and is there anything Ican do? Or do I need to move on? I just want to be mates and so we can getalong again because when things were good speaking to her was great!
I knows it's only been 2 months or whatever but I have grownto like her so much but I get the feeling she doesn't care about me anymorewhich is the worst thing about it.
(edited 10 years ago)
Oh my... where do I begin...
I think that's totally out of order, who wouldn't be frightened by your aggressive behaviour? Breaking glasses and then forcing yourself into her house!? *gasp*
I thought you said you understood where the police where coming from when they asked you to cease contact with her? Then why on Earth do you keep sending her messages and why are you so attached with her? She's clearly decided to move on in life (and I don't blame her) I think you need to do the same.
Sometimes in life things happen, it's better to learn from our mistakes rather than continuously ponder over them.
Whatever happens, good luck.
I think that's totally out of order, who wouldn't be frightened by your aggressive behaviour? Breaking glasses and then forcing yourself into her house!? *gasp*
I thought you said you understood where the police where coming from when they asked you to cease contact with her? Then why on Earth do you keep sending her messages and why are you so attached with her? She's clearly decided to move on in life (and I don't blame her) I think you need to do the same.
Sometimes in life things happen, it's better to learn from our mistakes rather than continuously ponder over them.
Whatever happens, good luck.
Having read through the whole thing, I hate to have to say that I can see where she's coming from far more than your side of the story. Initially I thought 'well, ok, maybe he's just out of sorts a little, I'm sure she'll forgive him', but as you kept on writing it seemed like you've behaved worse and worse, rather than learning from your mistakes. There's only a certain number of times that you can act like that to someone you like before they'll cut you off and say they've just had enough, even as a friend.
I'm not sure it's worth pursuing this girl any longer, even in a friendly way - she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you in that way, and what you've done has really put you in a worse off position than you were to start with. If I were her, I think I'd want you to leave me alone.
However, by all means continue pursuing her (even as a friend only) if you really feel:
1) You genuinely can change your ways and not fly off the handle
2) She is prepared to give it another go and trust you despite what you've done.
Whatever you do, don't lose it like that again! I hope you were being truthful when you said it wasn't like you to behave that way...
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm not sure it's worth pursuing this girl any longer, even in a friendly way - she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you in that way, and what you've done has really put you in a worse off position than you were to start with. If I were her, I think I'd want you to leave me alone.
However, by all means continue pursuing her (even as a friend only) if you really feel:
1) You genuinely can change your ways and not fly off the handle
2) She is prepared to give it another go and trust you despite what you've done.
Whatever you do, don't lose it like that again! I hope you were being truthful when you said it wasn't like you to behave that way...
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Oh my... where do I begin...
I think that's totally out of order, who wouldn't be frightened by your aggressive behaviour? Breaking glasses and then forcing yourself into her house!? *gasp*
I thought you said you understood where the police where coming from when they asked you to cease contact with her? Then why on Earth do you keep sending her messages and why are you so attached with her? She's clearly decided to move on in life (and I don't blame her) I think you need to do the same.
Sometimes in life things happen, it's better to learn from our mistakes rather than continuously ponder over them.
Whatever happens, good luck.
I think that's totally out of order, who wouldn't be frightened by your aggressive behaviour? Breaking glasses and then forcing yourself into her house!? *gasp*
I thought you said you understood where the police where coming from when they asked you to cease contact with her? Then why on Earth do you keep sending her messages and why are you so attached with her? She's clearly decided to move on in life (and I don't blame her) I think you need to do the same.
Sometimes in life things happen, it's better to learn from our mistakes rather than continuously ponder over them.
Whatever happens, good luck.
Thanks for your reply. I know by getting the police involved that probably says all I need to know but I keep telling myself that I can still resolve the situation. Maybe I have reached the point of no return. What makes it more difficult is that I still have to see her at work and if I didn't have to see her then it would be much easier to just completely forget her and move on.
Original post by Starfruit
Having read through the whole thing, I hate to have to say that I can see where she's coming from far more than your side of the story. Initially I thought 'well, ok, maybe he's just out of sorts a little, I'm sure she'll forgive him', but as you kept on writing it seemed like you've behaved worse and worse, rather than learning from your mistakes. There's only a certain number of times that you can act like that to someone you like before they'll cut you off and say they've just had enough, even as a friend.
I'm not sure it's worth pursuing this girl any longer, even in a friendly way - she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you in that way, and what you've done has really put you in a worse off position than you were to start with. If I were her, I think I'd want you to leave me alone.
However, by all means continue pursuing her (even as a friend only) if you really feel:
1) You genuinely can change your ways and not fly off the handle
2) She is prepared to give it another go and trust you despite what you've done.
Whatever you do, don't lose it like that again! I hope you were being truthful when you said it wasn't like you to behave that way...
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm not sure it's worth pursuing this girl any longer, even in a friendly way - she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you in that way, and what you've done has really put you in a worse off position than you were to start with. If I were her, I think I'd want you to leave me alone.
However, by all means continue pursuing her (even as a friend only) if you really feel:
1) You genuinely can change your ways and not fly off the handle
2) She is prepared to give it another go and trust you despite what you've done.
Whatever you do, don't lose it like that again! I hope you were being truthful when you said it wasn't like you to behave that way...
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thanks for your reply. I am prepared to change my ways a) because I don't want to lose someone who I know would've been a good friend and b) I am over the other feelings that I had for her. But it looks like I'm not getting another chance because she doesn't trust me.
I think you should give up on the idea of being friends with her, she is simply scared of you and there is nothing you can do that will make her accept you as a friend after what you have done. The best you can do is be on civil terms with her in the workplace but don't push it, even friends is too far for her now. You should just learn from your mistakes and hang out with different people.
For starters I feel like you have things damaging you, I would suggest maybe counselling as it could really help you get away from your negative feelings. I hope you understand that the way you acted was really over the top but I won’t mention that again in this post as I hope that you understand that and I don’t want to cause you any more guilt. I will try to make this post as helpful to you as possible.
At the moment what you probably need to do is overcome the issues that are bothering you. Forget about the situation with her and try to think why you acted the way you did without trying to find any excuses. Try to work on yourself and become a person that everyone would be happy to be around. Also any hobbies would definitely help you get your mind off any negative thoughts so just try to enjoy yourself.
Finally, for now you shouldn’t try to pursue her friendship, give her time and respect. I might be young but what I have learned is that nothing is impossible in this crazy world, so if you truly can work on yourself maybe sometime in the future you could be friends again, but that is something that she will have to decide when and if she ever feels comfortable around you again. As others said, learn from your mistakes and never stop improving yourself.
At the moment what you probably need to do is overcome the issues that are bothering you. Forget about the situation with her and try to think why you acted the way you did without trying to find any excuses. Try to work on yourself and become a person that everyone would be happy to be around. Also any hobbies would definitely help you get your mind off any negative thoughts so just try to enjoy yourself.
Finally, for now you shouldn’t try to pursue her friendship, give her time and respect. I might be young but what I have learned is that nothing is impossible in this crazy world, so if you truly can work on yourself maybe sometime in the future you could be friends again, but that is something that she will have to decide when and if she ever feels comfortable around you again. As others said, learn from your mistakes and never stop improving yourself.
Original post by Mako
For starters I feel like you have things damaging you, I would suggest maybe counselling as it could really help you get away from your negative feelings. I hope you understand that the way you acted was really over the top but I won’t mention that again in this post as I hope that you understand that and I don’t want to cause you any more guilt. I will try to make this post as helpful to you as possible.
At the moment what you probably need to do is overcome the issues that are bothering you. Forget about the situation with her and try to think why you acted the way you did without trying to find any excuses. Try to work on yourself and become a person that everyone would be happy to be around. Also any hobbies would definitely help you get your mind off any negative thoughts so just try to enjoy yourself.
Finally, for now you shouldn’t try to pursue her friendship, give her time and respect. I might be young but what I have learned is that nothing is impossible in this crazy world, so if you truly can work on yourself maybe sometime in the future you could be friends again, but that is something that she will have to decide when and if she ever feels comfortable around you again. As others said, learn from your mistakes and never stop improving yourself.
At the moment what you probably need to do is overcome the issues that are bothering you. Forget about the situation with her and try to think why you acted the way you did without trying to find any excuses. Try to work on yourself and become a person that everyone would be happy to be around. Also any hobbies would definitely help you get your mind off any negative thoughts so just try to enjoy yourself.
Finally, for now you shouldn’t try to pursue her friendship, give her time and respect. I might be young but what I have learned is that nothing is impossible in this crazy world, so if you truly can work on yourself maybe sometime in the future you could be friends again, but that is something that she will have to decide when and if she ever feels comfortable around you again. As others said, learn from your mistakes and never stop improving yourself.
Thanks for the advice, really appreciate it.
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