Career prospects going up and up, relationships gone to ****.

I should be happy, I have a job offer in the north east offering 30k and an investment management final interview where if i succeed will take me to the middle east (Dubai), as i found out yesterday morning. But, i know it sounds very ungrateful and everything, and totally against my usual character but there is a girl that is making me feel miserable and totally crap about the prospect of moving away. I know i will have to go for my own sake (because it is a very good opportunity) but i just feel like i am being torn away from my old life and the regular emotionally unavailable me. It just also seems like i am doomed to be the casual sex guy, and i know that sounds ungrateful in itself... but i always seem to develop feelings for the highly intelligent girl who is a bit "mad, bad and dangerous to know".

We were in a fwb arrangement, i got cold feet and pushed her away to save my ego and 'feelings'. I told her i had to stop seeing her after she nearly killed herself accidentally with some painkillers. She then quickly got back with her ex, who i was always paranoid about. I don't deny that she is very toxic for my sanity, but i have realised now that it is also my fault for letting myself 'fall' for her (i despise that word). She is too much of a contradiction. Extremely organised and academic but extremely reckless. Extremely prim but extremely improper. Extremely in control but extremely out of control. A great example is that she had the highest ever grades at her school all throughout and graduated with a first but yet she had a fascination for recreational drugs in university and nearly killed herself with an accidental painkiller overdose. We had a weird relationship where we were constantly challenging each other. I would describe it as being like Batman and the Joker funnily enough, even in university we were always trying to get the upper hand in the relationship to establish control. She wanted me under the thumb, i wanted to be the man in the relationship. But along the way there was a lot of really quite bf/gf affectionate behaviour going on, my mistake was that i failed to draw a boundary.

I played a 'poker face' all along to prevent myself getting hurt but now i am hurt. I really wanted to avoid developing feelings because i want to be single and having the bachelors life earning money. All i see now is pictures of her and her now bf on Facebook and it literally makes me feel **** about everything even though i should be happy i am doing quite well with my life. It is so cringe typing this, because i never expected to feel this way but after so many girls (again, i am really not being conceited here) why is it this one? Yet, she is totally incapable of commitment and stability. I just don't get it.

Edit: I just feel totally cringe even writing this. I am really not used to these 'feelings'.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

Capn cas

I'm the same, but seeing as i'm going to be a lawyer I won't have much need for love or a soul, let alone the time for a relationship. Tough times indeed :cool:

P.S: You don't control who you fall for.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 2

Hyde

Career > Relationship.
If you keep letting sentimental and emotional things obstruct you, then you won't achieve anything.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 3

Alfissti

Career = Money in.
Relationships = Money out.

Be happy for the career and believe it or not once in a well paying career your pool of women who suddenly finds you attractive grows exponentially :smile:

Reply 4

Mr_Vain

Original post by Alfissti

Again, hate to sound conceited, but i had no problem with that anyway in university. I know she does not give a damn about me and saw me just as a quick fling, but i can't help how i feel. I am resigned to having to go "no contact" (i.e. no contact at all, which i have right now... no pictures / reminders whatsoever) with her, but it is just very painful. I have not slept properly for days, i have been a mess, and yes i am just very embarrassed by it all.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

Mr_Vain

Original post by Hyde

Career > Relationship.
If you keep letting sentimental and emotional things obstruct you, thou m you won't achieve anything.

Just want to add a bit. I just think it is highly inconvenient that i am feeling like this with this girl when it is a time in my life when i really need that ruthless casual relationship mindset. I'm at a stage where i need to get ahead in my career and basically climb the greasy pole if that makes sense. I have no doubt that i am cold enough and methodical enough to progress high. But i just wish i did not feel anything for anyone.

Usually, i treat women as i do with men, equally, as rivals in my environment. No doubt, my desire to climb to a high position exceeds what i feel for her, but i just wish in a way that i could have had one good relationship. But, too late now, i have already effectively sold my soul to my career and i do not regret it overall.

Reply 6

Clip

Mr Vain,

Do you know what you want, and do you want it now?

Reply 7

Mr_Vain

Original post by Clip

Mr Vain,

Do you know what you want, and do you want it now?

Yes. I want prestige and the money. But, i don't want these feelings for a girl, it's very unlike me, and i am struggling to really make sense of it all. I want the old me back.

Reply 8

bj27

Original post by Hyde

Career > Relationship.
If you keep letting sentimental and emotional things obstruct you, thou m you won't achieve anything.

Had to rep you for that. Sorry man.

You're right though.

Reply 9

Qtj987

Massive well done :smile:

you should be happy, don't let anyone spoil it for you.

Reply 10

Legendairy

Take the job man.... theres plenty more pussy in the sea !

Reply 11

Mr_Vain

Original post by Legendairy

Take the job man.... theres plenty more pussy in the sea !

I know, i know, i am going to. I have already told her I don't want to see her anymore. It's just that i am at the stage of trying to kill these very painful emotions and just forgetting about her.