My boyfriend wants me to commute instead of living at uni

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you go to college mainly not to study but to make contacts. dont be silly commuting. mature students commute because they dont need any more contacts to build their career. its who you know not what you can do (obviously you cant be stupid, but as long as you reach a certain threshold, its who you know).

Reply 41

redferry

Original post by VelveteenBee

To say that I will find it hard to make friends just because I'm not there all of the time is ridiculous. There are plenty of people who commute that have made friends and they don't stay there at night. It's not like I'm gong to make three trips up and back a week, more like one at the weekend.

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There are also plenty of people who commute who male very few friends. Sorry to break it to you.

The two stay at homes on my course just seemed lonely.

Reply 42

VelveteenBee

Original post by redferry

There are also plenty of people who commute who male very few friends. Sorry to break it to you.

The two stay at homes on my course just seemed lonely.

Thanks I know it can go both ways but to say that you definitely won't make friends if you commute is wrong. Just like saying that if you live in halls you definitely will make friends is wrong, when people post threads online about how they live in halls but hate it because they don't fit in with anyone.

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Reply 43

redferry

Original post by VelveteenBee

This is true, but if you're sociable you are unlikely not to make friends in halls.

Reply 44

pinkbullets

Original post by VelveteenBee

I hated halls (it was like being in a horrid little student bubble) but I still made friends. I know this isn't the same for everyone and if you're outgoing and willing to make the effort you may very well end up with close friends even if you commute, but I know that if I hadn't been in halls I wouldn't have friends. Out of my four closest friends, three were in halls with me and one I met through another one of my flat mates. The people on my course were friendly enough and quickly divided themselves up into friendship groups, but I found that most of them simply weren't interested in becoming proper friends with people on their course because they already had a friendship group in their halls. Those people who did have close friends on their course had usually met them through halls rather than the course itself. Obviously this isn't the same for everyone but this is my experience.

Reply 45

KICHMYARSE

Original post by VelveteenBee

Making friends is one thing, but just being there and being present actually help. they, even those who you are not friends with, recognise you and know that you go to the same university. you can use those contacts to get summer jobs or maybe move to a different country. you can call them and say 'hey we go to the same uni, we dont speak very often, but i need a bit of help with this and that.'

there are so many things you can do in life. why are you letting your partner talk you into staying where you are. i get it if you are 35. you are not 30 are you?

Reply 46

BurstingBubbles

Life & Style Forum Helper

Tell him to stop being so controlling and ask him if he actually trusts you :yep:

Reply 47

doodle_333

Original post by VelveteenBee

at the start of uni relationships tend to develop between those who live together in flats at first, for the first few terms people are very focussed on their flatmates as they don't know anyone and there are lots of events in halls, I'm not saying you will be alone forever if you're not there but it will be harder

Reply 48

danny111

Original post by CJKay

Jesus, live your life woman. Do what you want to do. Halls for sure.

This.

Reply 49

VelveteenBee

Original post by CJKay

Jesus, live your life woman. Do what you want to do. Halls for sure.

I don't know what I want to do. That's my point, or have I not made that clear enough? Why do you think I'm asking these people opinions? Because most of them have already experienced it all.

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Reply 50

Kabloomybuzz

I wouldn't commute, but remember, halls isn't your only option for living near uni. I live in a student house shared with 2 other students in my first and second year and moved in with my partner third year... Living in a student house within walking distance of uni is usually cheaper than halls. so its something worth considering.

Now, I have a 10 - 15 minute bus journey or 40 minute walk and that can be a pain compared to being able to walk down the road, especially on an early morning or if I want to go and study in the library for a bit.

If you and your boyfriend have a strong enough relationship, you'll be able to hack the (relatively short) distance. He can come to see you and you can go home regularly. The independence you get from living in halls or a house at uni really is invaluable, as well as the other experiences you get.

Reply 51

HashimKF

Original post by VelveteenBee

As long as you aren't socially awkward you will make friends. You will make some friends while commuting. But it will be much harder for you to be part of a group as a lot of their outings you won't be able to go to. And for the first few months you won't really be able to stay round someone's place if you don't know anybody well enough meaning it will be difficult for you to go clubbing/house parties etc.

My biggest Uni related mistake is not getting Halls in my first year. It made it so much harder to socialise and I attended far less lectures than I should have. Also after an hour of travelling you won't be as awake as you should be in lectures and won't focus as much. If it's only an hour away I don't see why your boyfriend can't visit you regularly.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 52

Yung_ramanujan

Original post by peasandqueues

I really urge you to go with halls.

You will miss out a lot on the social life! I was pretty much living a 'married life' with my boyfriend and didn't socialise enough in first year, now I feel I've majorly missed out on the crucial first stages of bonding.

You only do an undergrad degree once and I think you'll really regret not making the most of the student experience.

kaaaa-aa-aaa-nooooooo

Reply 53

Kabloomybuzz

Think of it this way, if your bf hadn't said he wanted you to commute, and was happy with you doing whatever you wanted, what would you be leaning towards?

Reply 54

VelveteenBee

Thanks everyone, think I'm going to live in halls for the first year and try to save up a bit of money beforehand to get the train at the weekends

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Reply 55

sc756

Original post by VelveteenBee

Thanks everyone, think I'm going to live in halls for the first year and try to save up a bit of money beforehand to get the train at the weekends

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You're definitely making the right decision, I live really close to my Uni bit lived in halls the first year (so glad I did)
I now live at home in second year as I have made the friends now so it's much better!

(Although I wish I still lived there as commuting is hell) going to move back for third year

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