'It is acceptable to cheat on my guy/string him along while seeing another guy

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But that's what I'm doing…so surely what I'm doing isn't too neurotic :s-smilie:

I think the main problem is that you keep doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen. Isn't that similar to an old definition of madness? :colone:

If you want her to respond differently, you're going to have to interact with her in a way that didn't get the responses you don't like. If you step up how emotional your approach is (eg tell her she's bothering you etc) and she completely ignores that change, by continuing with the same one-word replies, then you know you're not going to be able to force a change in response that way. I seriously doubt you'd be able to cut contact long enough for it to prompt a different response from her, but that would be another tack.

Ultimately though, the relationship appears to be a complete joke. We're talking about ways to deal with the situation when it's not a situation worth 'saving'. If anything you're giving yourself much more mental and emotional trouble by keeping up the charade.

Reply 61

username91207

Riku, why do you insist on mentally beating yourself up like this?

Reply 62

Riku

To be honest TSR, the list of reasons why she could be ignoring me is pretty darn complicated and stressful. And not all to do with her cheating on me/breaking up!

1) Work
-Exam stress
-Semester 2 stress, seriously worried about work pressures
-Finding a job stress
-Voluntary/extra-curricular stress

2) Family problems
-Argument
-Divorce
_Death/illness in the family
-Moving house

3) She has slipped into a depression over a lot of things, including her exams, not just me (which she thinks she did **** in and is still worried about, that much I can gather.)
She's hinted that she's suffered depression or similar problems on several occasions-again 'you make me so happy/I'm happy with you' 'meeting you again was the best thing that happened to me in a long time' hence why this is so very strange if she just 'lost interest'
I caught the tail-end of her in a deep depression last September (ironically the week before retorting exams; she'd been visiting family abroad all summer). Basically led to a break-up, her saying she's not good enough for me, doesn't want to drag me down/et in the way of my life etc.
She came back within 3 days when I reassured her I do not think any of those things about her :smile:

3) Breakup

Forced

-She comes from a Hindu family. From my understanding, her parents are rather orthodox and conform to more conservative Indian culture
In other words, dating boys outside of the context of suitors is bad enough; dating a white atheist/non-Hindu is social suicide (to them, she doesn't see it that way)
Much worse from my understanding, she may be forced abusively into marriage once University's over :frown:

I don't know how to help her

Soo as mentioned, our relationship has been a total secret. Until I told TSR lol :P and my close friends/family. But that's always been stressful, no sex before marriage is one thing, hiding from her sister on campus and never getting to go to her house/itbeing a military operation her coming around here is another

Perhaps her family, by an unfortunate turn of events, found her phone, or saw her Facebook, or someone like her sister saw us together as a couple, and now she's under surveillance, or been told not to see or speak to me ever again, and it's breaking her heart, but she has to go cold on me. Hence the increased tension, unaffectionate texts all of a sudden, etc.
A little paranoid but possible, sadly.

Intentional breakup

-Wants more time to study, struggling to find time, has to 'unschedule' me basically ha
-Depressed thinks she's a burden on me/my studies

-Just wants to be single again
-Met another guy

-Has been building things slowly with Superman since his last gf dumped him (hence why she went home with him from my bday party), and is prepared to be his rebound. Is waiting to dump me and get with him (this is the paranoid bit)

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 63

Riku

Original post by snowyowl

Riku, why do you insist on mentally beating yourself up like this?

Snowy I can't help it, we're both in love but it's jut all been so stressful and then my jealousy gets in the way and I just don't know what to do anymore :/

Reply 64

redferry

Original post by Le Nombre

Statisitcally the majority of both men and women have been unfaithful at some point, a significant minority have done so whilst married, so, depressing as it is, he's not really wrong.

http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

I was talking in terms of cheating because you feel your bfs a pussy.

Pretty much the worst reason ever other than possibly my wife's pregnant.

Reply 65

redferry

Original post by Riku

Snowy I can't help it, we're both in love but it's jut all been so stressful and then my jealousy gets in the way and I just don't know what to do anymore :/

You need to focus on the parts of your life that arent your relationship

Reply 66

SophieIsTheBest!

Cheating is bad. Period.

Reply 67

Riku

Right now I'm just inclined to think she's a bitch. She ignored my text and Facebook message to cheer her up, but sent Superman a link. I know Facebook's a pathetic thing to go off, but humph.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 68

Machop

Original post by Riku

Right now I'm just inclined to think she's a bitch. She ignored my text and Facebook message to cheer her up, but sent Superman a link. I know Facebook's a pathetic thing to go off, but humph.

Who on earth is this 'superman' you keep referring to?

Reply 69

Ronove

Original post by Riku

Right now I'm just inclined to think she's a bitch. She ignored my text and Facebook message to cheer her up, but sent Superman a link. I know Facebook's a pathetic thing to go off, but humph.

She's a bitch because she's as useless as you are at this relationship?

Reply 70

Riku

Original post by Machop

Who on earth is this 'superman' you keep referring to?

Made various threads about him, and now I'm convinced she's stringing me along

Reply 71

DeceitfulDove

Original post by Riku

She was so sweet and caring until last week though. It's like a personality change :/ no serious reason just from last Friday, slowly phasing me out.
And yes you're all going to say I'm the girl in this relationship do you not think I feel and enough about not being a man anyway?

Does this by chance happen, say, once a month?

Edit, never mind, just read more. I have to agree, it sounds doomed.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 72

A Perfect Circle

Original post by Ronove

She's a bitch because she's as useless as you are at this relationship?

Hang on, at least he's actually trying - more than can be said for her.

OP just dump and gain some self-esteem on your own before starting a new relationship.

Reply 73

Riku

Original post by JennaEmBee

Does this by chance happen, say, once a month?

Edit, never mind, just read more. I have to agree, it sounds doomed.

I asked her over this morning, she now replies 6 hours later saying 'oh hey, didn't get your message. No thanks, it's a bit chilly and then I need to pick up my brother'

It's a bit chilly? Bloody terrible excuse. I saw she saw my FB messages, and she didn't acknowledge them. She doesn't want to see me anymore. So I'm going to give her the cold shoulder until she opens up and tells me the truth.
I'm just so hurt, you say you love someone and then you do this to them.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 74

xForeverx

Original post by Ronove

Riku, if she has gone cold and doesn't want to talk about something, maybe something has happened to her recently. People deal with things in different ways. Maybe it's personal, maybe she's talking to someone else about it, maybe she's not. It might be healthy for her to talk about it - that doesn't mean she has to be ready to talk about it, nor does it mean she has to talk about it with you specifically. Maybe she's just so irritated by you pushing her to talk so much that she would now never even consider talking to you about it.

Basically, she's a b***h.

Reply 75

xForeverx

Original post by Ronove

She's a bitch because she's as useless as you are at this relationship?

Wow. What is your problem? I can tell this is from past experience because otherwise you wouldn't be so vile.

Reply 76

Ronove

Original post by xForeverx

Wow. What is your problem? I can tell this is from past experience because otherwise you wouldn't be so vile.

Excuse me? Explain how it's not hypocritical to accuse someone of being a bitch when you acknowledge that she has emotional/mental problems just like you do? It seems to me like his own issues won't let him let go of the relationship. Why accuse her of being a bitch if she's equally unable to let go of it in the 'proper' manner?

Reply 77

MJ1012

Original post by Riku

Mate do you not think I have reason to be insecure? She's been stonewalling me for a week when the day before she was telling me how hot I am behind a drum kit and spurring me to get into a band (got rejected)

Dude, you've made threads where you were worried about what your parents would think of you if you didn't have the same number of mince pies as your dad, or worried that you are weak for doing push ups after Christmas- I'm pretty sure you've done something wrong to piss off this girl.
All I can say is stop making threads on TSR and get professional help for your insecurities.