Girls, your opinions please!

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Hi there, there's this girl I like and I've been agonising over whether to ask her out.
She's a friend, I really like and get on with her, and think she might like me also.
I'm just afraid she's going to say no, and then ruin our friendship (which I really value).

I wouldn't be able to avoid her either- I'll be seeing her once a week (sometimes twice), within our social circle, and I give her a lift every Thursday to this cafe we both volunteer at.

So my question is: Have you ever rejected a guy, but your friendship was able to carry on as normal?

Thanks


Edit: Also, in case the friend zone gets brought up- I haven't known her for years, and she isn't my 'best friend'. I've known her for 3 ish months.
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Pip1309
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there, there's this girl I like and I've been agonising over whether to ask her out.
She's a friend, I really like and get on with her, and think she might like me also.
I'm just afraid she's going to say no, and then ruin our friendship (which I really value).

I wouldn't be able to avoid her either- I'll be seeing her once a week (sometimes twice), within our social circle, and I give her a lift every Thursday to this cafe we both volunteer at.

So my question is: Have you ever rejected a guy, but your friendship was able to carry on as normal?

Thanks


Edit: Also, in case the friend zone gets brought up- I haven't known her for years, and she isn't my 'best friend'. I've known her for 3 ish months.
Right, well I've personally been through this twice with the same guy. The answer is- it'll be awkward for about a month after but if you both still want to be friends then it will be fine.
The first time, we went back to normal almost straight away, the second time we haven't spoken for months. It really depends on whether you still want to be friends even though you know it won't go any further.
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itssimplyme
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Yeah, I've said no to a guy, explained why and we just moved on instantly tbh! Our friendship remained the same and we're still close


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pip1309)
Right, well I've personally been through this twice with the same guy. The answer is- it'll be awkward for about a month after but if you both still want to be friends then it will be fine.
The first time, we went back to normal almost straight away, the second time we haven't spoken for months. It really depends on whether you still want to be friends even though you know it won't go any further.
I wouldn't be one of those people who ask twice, or keep asking. If she says no, than fair enough.
Of course I want her to say yes, but if it's a no I'd just as equally want to stay friends with her (rather than not be friends). I wouldn't be looking for anything 'more'.

That's why I'm finding it so hard to ask her. I value her friendship. It's not something I want to risk, or something I want to throw away and just be like 'ah well I tried, plenty more fish in the sea and plenty more people I can be friends with'.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by itssimplyme)
Yeah, I've said no to a guy, explained why and we just moved on instantly tbh! Our friendship remained the same and we're still close


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I suppose it depends on the girl?
She's lovely, she's friendly and she's not spiteful, so she's not going to react in a rude way. Though she can be a bit shy sometimes, so maybe she might feel awkward and try and avoid me*?

*Which will be hard, since we can't really, which would make it more awkward!
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Pip1309
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn't be one of those people who ask twice, or keep asking. If she says no, than fair enough.
Of course I want her to say yes, but if it's a no I'd just as equally want to stay friends with her (rather than not be friends). I wouldn't be looking for anything 'more'.

That's why I'm finding it so hard to ask her. I value her friendship. It's not something I want to risk, or something I want to throw away and just be like 'ah well I tried, plenty more fish in the sea and plenty more people I can be friends with'.
As long as you make it clear you can still be friends after then I don't see the problem. I wanted to still be friends with the guy who asked me, said it repeatedly, he just didn't want to be friends with me afterwards...
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Nfergs
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It may be a little awkward for a while if she rejects you but you won't know until you ask and find out!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pip1309)
As long as you make it clear you can still be friends after then I don't see the problem. I wanted to still be friends with the guy who asked me, said it repeatedly, he just didn't want to be friends with me afterwards...
I can see myself making that in itself awkward.
Maybe go with, "ok no worries, I see you around", then maybe text a few hours saying something like- "hey, about earlier- No worries, friends still?".
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nfergs)
It may be a little awkward for a while if she rejects you but you won't know until you ask and find out!
But that should sort itself out?
Does not being able to avoid each other help?
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Pip1309
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can see myself making that in itself awkward.
Maybe go with, "ok no worries, I see you around", then maybe text a few hours saying something like- "hey, about earlier- No worries, friends still?".
I'd avoid the text a few hours later. Try the next day, just be all about putting it behind you! We're not monsters haha.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pip1309)
I'd avoid the text a few hours later. Try the next day, just be all about putting it behind you! We're not monsters haha.
Haha, cool cool.
I'm friendly with her best friend too- should I communicate to her that I asked her out, but want to remain friends? Then hopefully my intentions will feed back to her?
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Pip1309
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Haha, cool cool.
I'm friendly with her best friend too- should I communicate to her that I asked her out, but want to remain friends? Then hopefully my intentions will feed back to her?
That's a sure way to do it, girls love nothing better than gossip. I'd tell the friend and she will definitely mention it to the girl you like. If you're lucky you'll get feedback on whether to bother asking or not.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pip1309)
That's a sure way to do it, girls love nothing better than gossip. I'd tell the friend and she will definitely mention it to the girl you like. If you're lucky you'll get feedback on whether to bother asking or not.
I did think about fishing for feedback, however I'm 22, she's 19 and our mutual friend is 22- I'm not sure if it makes me look a bit immature and weakens my position? Plus she'd tell her straight away, and I think it should come from me first?
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Nfergs
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But that should sort itself out?
Does not being able to avoid each other help?
When I have rejected guys in the past it's been quickly forgotten about and it's a bit awkward but yeah, it does sort itself out.

I guess it will depend how she responds to it... she could make the situation awkward or be totally cool about it if she did reject you. BUT - think positive! Be confident about your feelings for her and don't dwell on the fact that she may or may not reject you!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nfergs)
When I have rejected guys in the past it's been quickly forgotten about and it's a bit awkward but yeah, it does sort itself out.

I guess it will depend how she responds to it... she could make the situation awkward or be totally cool about it if she did reject you. BUT - think positive! Be confident about your feelings for her and don't dwell on the fact that she may or may not reject you!
Cool. I forgot to add she leaves in 5 months as well (she's from abroad, on a gap year, well 15 months).
I suppose if things do get super awkward, then I've got to grin and bare it for 4 months lol.
Been dwelling on it for a month now, so I better get my skates on!
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Anonymous #1
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Any other girls who have opinions to share?
Thanks for the responses so far, really appreciate the advice!
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Pip1309
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I did think about fishing for feedback, however I'm 22, she's 19 and our mutual friend is 22- I'm not sure if it makes me look a bit immature and weakens my position? Plus she'd tell her straight away, and I think it should come from me first?
I don't know whether you're thinking too much into this. I'm 18 myself and know if a friend told me someone liked me, they'd get a reaction straight away. I doubt I'd be thinking about why the news was coming from a third party.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pip1309)
I don't know whether you're thinking too much into this. I'm 18 myself and know if a friend told me someone liked me, they'd get a reaction straight away. I doubt I'd be thinking about why the news was coming from a third party.
Yeah I'm deffo over thinking this!
Ok cool...I'm meeting the friend today anyway, so I may slip something in!
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Plumstone
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Yes. There was a guy friend who declared his undying love for me several years ago, but I didn't feel the same way so I let him down gently. Unfortunately, he saw the fact that I hadn't given him a cruel, humiliating rejection as a "maybe" and started pestering me (flowers, presents, very badly written love letters, etc) which went on for a few months. Eventually, he got the message, though, and for the past few years we've been back to being good friends.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Plumstone)
Yes. There was a guy friend who declared his undying love for me several years ago, but I didn't feel the same way so I let him down gently. Unfortunately, he saw the fact that I hadn't given him a cruel, humiliating rejection as a "maybe" and started pestering me (flowers, presents, very badly written love letters, etc) which went on for a few months. Eventually, he got the message, though, and for the past few years we've been back to being good friends.
Oh no, I'd deffo wouldn't do that!
Good to hear your still friends!
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