Is Valentines day pretty one-sided, or is it just me?

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joseon
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This Valentines was the first time I've actually had a girlfriend on the day and, to be honest, it shocked me how one sided it was, at least in my case. I mean I arranged for flowers to be sent to to her at work, bought her an engraved silver necklace, got her a card and paid for us to go to the cinema together. In contrast, my girlfriend just got me a card and some aftershave. I know it's not all about the money, but by my estimation she spent about £30 whereas I spent £150, which seems a little unfair. Anyway, I was just wondering whether the situation where the guy spends more/puts in more effort into Valentines day is normal, or whether my situation is unsual?
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Clip
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(Original post by joseon)
This Valentines was the first time I've actually had a girlfriend on the day and, to be honest, it shocked me how one sided it was, at least in my case. I mean I arranged for flowers to be sent to to her at work, bought her an engraved silver necklace, got her a card and paid for us to go to the cinema together. In contrast, my girlfriend just got me a card and some aftershave. I know it's not all about the money, but by my estimation she spent about £30 whereas I spent £150, which seems a little unfair. Anyway, I was just wondering whether the situation where the guy spends more/puts in more effort into Valentines day is normal, or whether my situation is unsual?
Ok, but unless she told you that she specifically wanted the flowers sent and the silver necklace, the reason you spent more than her is because you decided to.
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sr90
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(Original post by joseon)
This Valentines was the first time I've actually had a girlfriend on the day and, to be honest, it shocked me how one sided it was, at least in my case. I mean I arranged for flowers to be sent to to her at work, bought her an engraved silver necklace, got her a card and paid for us to go to the cinema together. In contrast, my girlfriend just got me a card and some aftershave. I know it's not all about the money, but by my estimation she spent about £30 whereas I spent £150, which seems a little unfair. Anyway, I was just wondering whether the situation where the guy spends more/puts in more effort into Valentines day is normal, or whether my situation is unsual?
Nobody forced you to spend all that money.
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joseon
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(Original post by Clip)
Ok, but unless she told you that she specifically wanted the flowers sent and the silver necklace, the reason you spent more than her is because you decided to.
(Original post by sr90)
Nobody forced you to spend all that money.
I know this. I just want to know whether it's normal for the guy to spend more.
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Inazuma
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(Original post by joseon)
This Valentines was the first time I've actually had a girlfriend on the day and, to be honest, it shocked me how one sided it was, at least in my case. I mean I arranged for flowers to be sent to to her at work, bought her an engraved silver necklace, got her a card and paid for us to go to the cinema together. In contrast, my girlfriend just got me a card and some aftershave. I know it's not all about the money, but by my estimation she spent about £30 whereas I spent £150, which seems a little unfair. Anyway, I was just wondering whether the situation where the guy spends more/puts in more effort into Valentines day is normal, or whether my situation is unsual?
When I was with my ex I think we both spent about the same. He maybe spent a little more, but I think that's normal. The £120 gap in your case is a little more unusual I think. Unless she did something special (non-monetary) to make up for it - like dressing up for you or something
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Llamageddon
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So beta.
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ChocoCoatedLemons
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You didn't have to spend all that money. She would not have been expecting you to, so you can't really complain.
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Clip
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(Original post by joseon)
I know this. I just want to know whether it's normal for the guy to spend more.
Well, nevermind one day a year - it's kind of normal for a bloke to spend more, end of.

There will always be exceptions, but I reckon in 9/10 cases it's like that.
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joseon
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(Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons)
You didn't have to spend all that money. She would not have been expecting you to, so you can't really complain.
Yes, I am aware that my girlfreind did not wallet rape me. :rolleyes: I simply want to know whether it is typical for the male of a relationship to spend more on Valentines day. That's all.
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username1337098
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Depends, really. How long you've been together, your individual perceptions of how serious the relationship is and where it's going, and the amount of effort that should be put in on Valentine's. She may think less of the holiday than you do, so you went overboard while she decided to keep it simple. You sound like a thoughtful guy, but maybe you should have talked about it spending limits/ plans and such before the day, especially if it's your first one together.

Though you could argue it's all about giving without expecting anything in return and simply be happy with what she gave you.
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Jaegon Targaryen
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Learn from your mistake,
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ChocoCoatedLemons
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(Original post by joseon)
Yes, I am aware that my girlfreind did not wallet rape me. :rolleyes: I simply want to know whether it is typical for the male of a relationship to spend more on Valentines day. That's all.
I reckon yeah, probably. Valentine's is aimed at women.

Just to note before anyone calls me a big hypocrite - I don't like anything to do with Valentine's and certainly would rather have a pizza and a shag than a fancy present.
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joseon
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(Original post by Meyrin)
Depends, really. How long you've been together, your individual perceptions of how serious the relationship is and where it's going, and the amount of effort that should be put in on Valentine's. She may think less of the holiday than you do, so you went overboard while she decided to keep it simple. You sound like a thoughtful guy, but maybe you should have talked about it spending limits/ plans and such before the day, especially if it's your first one together.

Though you could argue it's all about giving without expecting anything in return and simply be happy with what she gave you.
We've been going out for just over 10 months. I'm not really sure where it's going tbh, we just enjoy spending time together.

It seems to me that discussing spending limits etc would take quite a bit of the romance out of it, but I don't know.

I am happy with what she got for me, I just wanted to know whether it's normal for the guy to spend more or not.
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cid
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why would spend £150???

£2 card, £10 flowers, £10 home cooked meal bish bash bosh,

I don't get the gift exchanging thing ... do people really do that? Gifts? a card, sure, flowers, sure .... but jewellery and aftershave? why?
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joseon
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(Original post by cid)
why would spend £150???

£2 card, £10 flowers, £10 home cooked meal bish bash bosh,

I don't get the gift exchanging thing ... do people really do that? Gifts? a card, sure, flowers, sure .... but jewellery and aftershave? why?
I dunno man, I guess I just wanted to make her smile and feel happy/appreciated.
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joseon
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(Original post by Khallil)
Baka. Baka baka baka.
I'm Korean dude, not Japanese. But thanks a bunch.
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cid
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(Original post by joseon)
I dunno man, I guess I just wanted to make her smile and feel happy/appreciated.

trust me dude, some salmon with dill, asparagus, new potatoes, a nice bottle of wine and a good movie.

Any decent girl would be happy with that, It's valentine's day not her birthday or an anniversary.

It is literally something that exists to sap money.


Sorry I don't mean to sound like a judgmental prick, but I'm just trying to say, sometimes, simplicity done well is better than extravagance.
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Clip
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(Original post by joseon)
I am happy with what she got for me, I just wanted to know whether it's normal for the guy to spend more or not.
No woman I have ever been out with has ever given me a present that wasn't crap.

Years ago, my best friend had a girlfriend who was an absolute keeper. She opened a special bank account to keep money in - just to buy him presents with.

Just for some perspective, amogst other things, over the years I have received:

-a purple octopus beanbag (?)
-a collapsing donkey toy (press the button and the donkey falls over)
- a book about Saddam Hussein
- a book about war crimes in the Former Yugoslavia
- an exceptionally cheap watch
- a box of malteasers
- a portable iPhone charger (I had a Samsung Galaxy)
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POWCATTY
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i guess some guys probably feel like they should spend more, its more 'manly' or something?? equally, some girls probably feel like the guy should spend more! i think that its normally pretty much the same, unless either person wants to be more romantic, or express their love...? personally, i love buying gifts for people, especially if i find/see something i know they will love! all i expect in return is for them to put thought into any gifts they decide to get, and only get something if they are excited about giving it to me, and not to feel obliged to get my anything.
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Odd socks
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(Original post by Clip)
No woman I have ever been out with has ever given me a present that wasn't crap.

Years ago, my best friend had a girlfriend who was an absolute keeper. She opened a special bank account to keep money in - just to buy him presents with.

Just for some perspective, amogst other things, over the years I have received:

-a purple octopus beanbag (?)
-a collapsing donkey toy (press the button and the donkey falls over)
- a book about Saddam Hussein
- a book about war crimes in the Former Yugoslavia
- an exceptionally cheap watch
- a box of malteasers
- a portable iPhone charger (I had a Samsung Galaxy)
Was that like a beany toy or an actual beanbag you could sit on?


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