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Can you forgive drunken cheating?

This is just hypothetical, but if someone was blackout drunk and had absolutely 0 memory of it happening and cheated on their partner, do you think that's forgiveable?

I ask because there have been 2 occasions for me where I do not remember having sex with the guy AT ALL, completely blank, remember absolutely nothing for even the entire night... only ONE of these guys I would have actually slept with had I been less drunk. I'm not in a relationship btw. I was just thinking had this happened while in a relationship, obviously there would be pain and hurt and I'd really regret it and I'd assume there'd be more mental barriers against it happening... but is it excusable? Or at least understandable?

I know people who have done ridiculous things they would never ever do sober when they get this drunk. Maybe the urge is there do do it extremely deep down when sober but the losses weigh out the risks so they don't. People will always find other people attractive and maybe THINK about having sex with another person, especially in a very old relationship, but never actually do it. Alcohol just destroys those barriers?

Reply 1

Katie_p

15

No, because you choose to drink.
Unless you're spiked and don't notice and do something about it (very unlikely) then cheating is absolutely inexcusable.

Reply 2

Standard Procedure

9

If your the kind of person that gets so ridiculously drunk, that you lose all control over yourself, so much so that it leads you to do stupid stuff you wouldn't usually do, or stuff that could harm yourself and those around you...perhaps you just shouldn't get drunk.
Problem solved. Next.

Reply 3

datpiff

13

No because the idiot should have the discipline to not get so drunk in the first place! She's straight out the door if she cheats on me. I don't need that **** in my life.

Getting spiked is a completely different issue.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

Orthonym

I've never forgotten everything from a night out, or had a one night stand but I used to be known as a flirt, and in a happy relationship I act differently. I think that being committed affects you subconsciously and makes you a lot less likely to do certain things. If you aren't properly committed to the relationship then maybe you would cheat anyway and then you'd realise that there's something wrong and a relationship might not be what you want.

If somehow I were to cheat anyway even in a happy loving relationship, If I woke up tomorrow and learned that I cheated, even if I have the same mindset that I would never cheat ect ... I'd probably take a break from my relationship but stay loyal to my partner out of respect, let him know how I feel and let him make the decisions. That's what I'd like my partner to do if he were to cheat, but I don't know if I would be able to forgive or not. I think it would depend on how strong the relationship had been, and the self esteems of myself and my partner.

Reply 5

El Salvador

21

Drunken or not, it's basically the same for me. What we had agreed, and how s/he behaved after the fact.

I can't imagine how you could not remember having sex with somebody.

I've been drunk before, really REALLY drunk, and on one such occasion I was a nightclub with an ex boyfriend of mine. Just platonically, he knew I was in a relationship with somebody else (with my husband actually, but this was years before we got married). My ex tried to kiss me, but despite being virtually paralytic I managed to slur at him "no, stop it, I'm taken."
And he did back off may I add.

I mean, I was seriously drunk. I couldn't even move, and then I ended up hurling everywhere. It wasn't pretty.

But I can't imagine how your morals wouldn't just kick in.

Drunk or not you don't lose your morals. You lose your inhibitions but not your morals.

Reply 7

EllieC130

15

I could forgive a kiss because it's something quick; it requires very little thought and it's one of those things that can happen spontaneously. Anything else I'd be mad; 1. Because they were deciding how much they drunk and 2. Because if some girl propositioned by hypothetical boyfriend, he'd have time to think it through before anything actually happened.

Reply 8

EleanorRuth

To an extent. A kiss is barely a deal breaker to some but your sensitiveity whenit comes to the matter is of the uptmost importance, take your time to conclude what you feel about the matter and whether your feelings for them can overcome a drunk mistake

Reply 9

ANippyWinger

6

No. It's still the same thing and if you can't drink responsibly then don't drink at all. It's a very poor excuse.

Reply 10

Musie Suzie

14

No. If you know you're capable of doing such things when you're drunk, it would be completely irresponsible to get that drunk while in a relationship. I would see it as practically the same as deliberately, soberly choosing your actions, because you know what could happen and choose not to avoid it.

Reply 11

ryan9900

18

No, the intent was there. Being drunk isn't an excuse for anything.

Reply 12

Kabloomybuzz

19

ONLY if it was the first time or first time in a VERY long time that they'd had a drink and didn't know how much they could take. And thats only a maybe!!

Otherwise, no, definitely not. You are making the choice to drink yourself into oblivion, you should take responsibility for your actions as a result of that. The law wouldn't forgive someone for assaulting someone or neglecting their children because they were drunk.

Reply 13

Lawyer_Girl.14

Personally no.

That's due to me not understanding how possibly you can get so drunk that you don't remember anything.
Let alone sleeping with someone.

And doing it twice.

Sorry, If i cheated, at that very time its what i wanted to do. If not I would be able to say no.

After that it would be rape.

I think if you go out and get that drunk, your asking for trouble :/

Reply 14

elpistolero7

16

Spiked drink? Yeah, you could forgive the person.

Drunk? No chance. I've been beyond drunk a couple of times, and on one or two occasions, I had the chance to hook up with someone (when I was with my ex) but I didn't. Though I understand people can black out from drinking(I have, too), the amount of people who claim they cheated and "blacked out" is greatly exaggerated. Nearly everyone who drunk cheats claims that tbh...

(edited 10 years ago)

No.

Original post by Anonymous

... but is it excusable? Or at least understandable?

Understandable, yes. Excusable, almost universally no.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by PinkMobilePhone

I can't imagine how you could not remember having sex with somebody.

I've been drunk before, really REALLY drunk, and on one such occasion I was a nightclub with an ex boyfriend of mine. Just platonically, he knew I was in a relationship with somebody else (with my husband actually, but this was years before we got married). My ex tried to kiss me, but despite being virtually paralytic I managed to slur at him "no, stop it, I'm taken."
And he did back off may I add.

I mean, I was seriously drunk. I couldn't even move, and then I ended up hurling everywhere. It wasn't pretty.

But I can't imagine how your morals wouldn't just kick in.

Drunk or not you don't lose your morals. You lose your inhibitions but not your morals.

You can because it's happened to me, at least. When you get to a certain level of intoxication you have a blackout and your brain doesn't function properly and cannot form memories.

Original post by Anonymous

You can because it's happened to me, at least. When you get to a certain level of intoxication you have a blackout and your brain doesn't function properly and cannot form memories.

There's forgetting where you put your bus ticket, and then there's forgetting having sex. Big difference. I've drunk so damned much I've had the jitters for a week afterwards and I still haven't forgotten anything more significant than who I spoke to, or what stupid thing I said, or quite how I managed to get a taxi!

I don't know quite how you've managed to forget having sex. That's just beyond me.

And anyway, that's beside the point. I said you don't lose your morals when you're drunk, not that you don't forget anything.

Reply 19

Jezebelle

8

If anything I think I'd be less likely. I think it would take a lot for me to forgive cheating in any situation but say you've been having problems for a while if the person cheats you know why they did it (although it doesn't excuse it) and you have the option if either breaking up or working through the issues.

If someone cheated on me and claimed they only did it because they were drunk the relationship would be over. That's essentially saying "it's not my fault, someone else made me do it". It's an attempt to shirk responsibility and besides, anytime they went anywhere with alcohol it would be in the back of my mind.

Can you forgive drunken cheating?

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