am i unreasonable for not giving him sex?

So he blanks you at college because he doesn't want people there to tell his family that he's with you.
When you're together in the street do you have to walk separately in case someone he knows sees you together?
If you go somewhere together do you have to scout around to make sure no-one he knows is looking?
TBH, it sounds like hell even without the emotional blackmail, tantrums and giving bj's when you don't enjoy it.
Find someone you can walk around with and who isn't worried about being seen with you.

This is so wrong and he is so completely out of line its unreal. You shouldnt take him back.

this is what victims of domestic abuse say when they keep taking their abusive boyfriend back after horrible acts.



This sounds like he is outrageously using you. This is so so so wrong it makes me angry. STOP BEING A DOORMAT

OMG this is so wrong. If he loved you he wouldnt say stuff like this. This is so ridiculous are you sure you aren't trolling?

OMG this is so wrong

"I'm not ready" is COMPLETELY legitimate. This guy sounds like an utter psycho who doesnt care about you or your feelings. NOONE should pressure you this way.

You should break up with him. I've never seen a more clear-cut case of someone being used and abused by a really REALLY bad person.

You have every right to be angry - you should be FURIOUS. This guy sounds like the worst kind of *******




DO NOT, repeat DO NOT have sex with him. YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM. Noone should EVER put that kind of pressure and emotional blackmail on you for ANY reason, let alone to lose your virginity.

This is so disgusting, I'm feeling physically ill. I really REALLY hope this is a troll.

*He's an idiot. I know guys when they get really horny can be very persuasive into trying to have sex and even being a little bit sulky if they don't get it but to finish with you over it?! That is blatantly trying to force you into it by threatening you. Believe me, if you give in to him under pressure you will regret it far more than you'll ever regret losing him. I know it sounds a bit patronising, but I don't mean it like that; in a few years, you'll look back at this and think god what a total prick. If you do things you're uncomfortable with just to keep him, you'll end up feeling even more used. He's not worth it, if he really did love you he'd be happy with the blowies and to wait until you are ready, not try dirty tactics to get you to do more.

Thankyou, thankyou so much for your help. I feel so stupid for going along with him and his games for so long. Please help me, i don't know how to go about this. As stupid as it sounds and in spite of the fact that i feel used, worthless and crap about myself, i'm so afraid of losing him and how i'll get over it and what if i never do? Truth is i want to feel wanted and special as opposed to like some kind of prostitute. I'm so grateful for your help and for pointing out what my family and friends have been trying to tell me for so long. I just feel so weak and as if i can never let him go. I know that as soon as its over i will just think about all the amazing times we've had and all the good things and ugh.. i'll give in to him and take him back again which is what i've done every time despite him hurting me consistently. I feel like i'm stuck and i'm never going to be truly happy with him... but i'm so afraid of leaving and what if i'm even unhappier then? Please tell me thats not the case...

More to the point I know guys who even though they're really horny they will still wait and put your interests first. OP, dump him and wait for one of those guys. I don't see this ending well - either you give in and feel like crap or you hold out and you're still made to feel like crap. So walk away.

i know that he loves me a lot and has said he see's me in his future and stuff. I love him too but i just dont feel ready to have sex, and thats something he really doesn't understand.

i feel kind of bad because i know his family stuff is more than he can ever describe to anyone and he's under so much pressure.

I don't know if anybody will ever read this, but I'm the thread starter and it's 3 years later and I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to every person who helped me by posting on here when I was a stupid 17 year old being used and abused by an emotionally manipulative *******.
I truly dread to think where I'd be right now if some of you guys hadn't made me see the light of day. I'm now 20, about to graduate, very happy and I thankfully broke up with this ****er shortly after I posted this thread. Only now when I read back through these comments do I realise what an awful and dangerous situation I was in. Wish I didn't have to carry it around with me... but it could have been worse, and probably would have been if it weren't for you all.
THANK YOU ALL beautiful people xx

I don't know if anybody will ever read this, but I'm the thread starter and it's 3 years later and I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to every person who helped me by posting on here when I was a stupid 17 year old being used and abused by an emotionally manipulative *******.
I truly dread to think where I'd be right now if some of you guys hadn't made me see the light of day. I'm now 20, about to graduate, very happy and I thankfully broke up with this ****er shortly after I posted this thread. Only now when I read back through these comments do I realise what an awful and dangerous situation I was in. Wish I didn't have to carry it around with me... but it could have been worse, and probably would have been if it weren't for you all.
THANK YOU ALL beautiful people xx

It actually made me truly happy to read this, glad everything turned out well after that horrific episode!

May I ask how the breakup went?

It took me a while to build up the courage to do it. He'd made me feel like I was incapable of living without him, that I wasn't deserving of him, and therefore not anybody else either. He'd constantly throw insults at me to make me feel weaker and more inclined to put up with his ****.

Anyway, as you can probably tell reading through my initial posts (which sicken me now) I was just so, so, so weak. After this was posted he'd mess me about, still pressuring me into sex and telling me he'd cheated on me, then telling me he hadn't, then he had. It was horrific. Anyway I eventually ended things and he as expected harrassed me a LOT via social media. The day I ended things with him, I woke up the next morning to nearly 200 missed calls throughout the night, facebook messages, he'd leave messages on my car (wherever it was parked he'd find it), follow me around college. This went on pretty much until A Levels finished, there was nothing I could do about it, except try ensure my friends were always with me at college, because he was too much of a wuss to approach me in front of them. A Levels ended and I never saw him again (thank god). For the first two years he'd message me obsessively now and again, telling me to reply and "treat me like a normal person". By that point, I'd gone to Uni and his messages were embarrassing and laughable!

Thanks again for the help and advice. I appreciate it more than you can know!! Terrifies me that there are boys out there preying on young girls like this. What's worse is that these manipulators are very charming and very clever, they know exactly what they're doing and how to get what they want. Pretty terrifying - I'm just glad I escaped when I did. xx

*snip*