Last 2 boyfriends cheated on me. Can't shake feelings of inadequecy

I've only had 2 relationships and both of them ended due to bf cheating. I went out with the first one for 6 months and the second one for 8 months.
When I caught the first one cheating I thought it was just cause he's a dick etc.. but now that my last bf has also cheated on me, I feel like maybe it's something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Am I not worthy of being in a relationship with? Am I just bad at choosing who to go out with?

I keep wondering all these things and it's really bringing me down.I'm no longer confident. I broke up with my last bf about 3 months ago but I just can't seem to start dating again. I've been asked out but I just can't say yes. Is that normal? I don't feel good enough for anyone? I mean it's like there are two voices in my head. One which tells me that I'm good looking, charming etc and the other that's keeps telling me maybe I'm wrong about all that. Maybe I think too highly of myself. Maybe I'm deluded.

Has anyone else experienced this? How can I get over this?
Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Reply 1

Bassetts

17

tl;dr, you're going for the wrong sort of guy and you can't draw conclusions on every guy over 2 bad experiences.

Reply 2

DiZZeeKiD

16

If someone cheats on you it is only a reflection on them as a person, not of you. Do not let someone else's wrongdoing have any effect on how you see yourself. People can only make you feel bad with your consent; don't let that happen.
Don't focus so much on getting into a relationship, there's other things that are more important and fulfilling. Get to love yourself first before you expect someone else to do it. Relax, life is fun.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Bassetts

tl;dr, you're going for the wrong sort of guy and you can't draw conclusions on every guy over 2 bad experiences.

How did you draw this conclusion from my post. :s-smilie:

I never said that I think all guys are like that or anything.

Reply 4

Riku

2

Original post by Anonymous

How did you draw this conclusion from my post. :s-smilie:

I never said that I think all guys are like that or anything.

If not every guy will cheat on you that means the majority of guys will respect you. They will respect you because you are a cool and interesting person deserving respect :-)

Reply 5

455409

17

Original post by Anonymous

I've only had 2 relationships and both of them ended due to bf cheating. I went out with the first one for 6 months and the second one for 8 months.
When I caught the first one cheating I thought it was just cause he's a dick etc.. but now that my last bf has also cheated on me, I feel like maybe it's something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Am I not worthy of being in a relationship with? Am I just bad at choosing who to go out with?

I keep wondering all these things and it's really bringing me down.I'm no longer confident. I broke up with my last bf about 3 months ago but I just can't seem to start dating again. I've been asked out but I just can't say yes. Is that normal? I don't feel good enough for anyone? I mean it's like there are two voices in my head. One which tells me that I'm good looking, charming etc and the other that's keeps telling me maybe I'm wrong about all that. Maybe I think too highly of myself. Maybe I'm deluded.

Has anyone else experienced this? How can I get over this?
Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Give it a while, you're just frustrated at the whole thing. Maybe leaving dating alltogether for a few months and just focus on yourself.

Reply 6

Genocidal

19

Millions experience the same feelings. It's the same with people who can't get into relationships on any level. As for how you get over it, I can't really answer that. It's all about confidence, so really you have to value yourself before you can stop feeling inadequate. I daresay the remedy may be a little bit of arrogance. Develop it and you won't care about these two small men.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by james1211

Give it a while, you're just frustrated at the whole thing. Maybe leaving dating alltogether for a few months and just focus on yourself.

Its just that right now I feel like I will never ever ever want to date ever again. Perhaps focusing on myself for a while will get me out of this mindset.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Genocidal

Millions experience the same feelings. It's the same with people who can't get into relationships on any level. As for how you get over it, I can't really answer that. It's all about confidence, so really you have to value yourself before you can stop feeling inadequate. I daresay the remedy may be a little bit of arrogance. Develop it and you won't care about these two small men.

Thank you for posting. I should really work on getting back all that self confidence( and a bit more) I had before this experience. Any ideas as to how people go about doing that?

Reply 9

Wilsoncw1997

13

What are the reasons for them to cheat on you?

Reply 10

interficiam daucus

Original post by Anonymous

I've only had 2 relationships and both of them ended due to bf cheating. I went out with the first one for 6 months and the second one for 8 months.
When I caught the first one cheating I thought it was just cause he's a dick etc.. but now that my last bf has also cheated on me, I feel like maybe it's something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Am I not worthy of being in a relationship with? Am I just bad at choosing who to go out with?

I keep wondering all these things and it's really bringing me down.I'm no longer confident. I broke up with my last bf about 3 months ago but I just can't seem to start dating again. I've been asked out but I just can't say yes. Is that normal? I don't feel good enough for anyone? I mean it's like there are two voices in my head. One which tells me that I'm good looking, charming etc and the other that's keeps telling me maybe I'm wrong about all that. Maybe I think too highly of myself. Maybe I'm deluded.

Has anyone else experienced this? How can I get over this?
Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

You're probably just going for dickish guys tbh... I would say that relationship inadequacies wouldn't really be to blame in such a short relationship.

Reply 11

Genocidal

19

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you for posting. I should really work on getting back all that self confidence( and a bit more) I had before this experience. Any ideas as to how people go about doing that?

That depends on what you specialise in. It doesn't matter what you do or what you succeed in. As long as you can be confident, and borderline arrogant, about something that's all you need. The point is your skills will never leave you, whereas people will.

For example, you may be good at drawing. You may be borderline Picasso at it. You could have a hundred men abandon you, but you'll always be a great drawer. It's something nobody can take away from you.

Just be better than everyone else at something. It doesn't have to be socially cool or something to make you rich.

Reply 12

Jebedee

17

Putting out too quickly or not often enough.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Wilsoncw1997

What are the reasons for them to cheat on you?

Well the first one used being drunk as the reason as to why he shagged another girl.

The second one said he did it cause he felt lonely (tbh he was probably just horny) while I was abroad.(I was gone for 3 weeks)

None of them gave a good or deep reason as to why they cheated. I just got the "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again" speech.

Reply 14

Wilsoncw1997

13

Original post by Anonymous

Well the first one used being drunk as the reason as to why he shagged another girl.

The second one said he did it cause he felt lonely (tbh he was probably just horny) while I was abroad.(I was gone for 3 weeks)

None of them gave a good or deep reason as to why they cheated. I just got the "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again" speech.

I think it's their problem. They aren't faithful enough. Move on and find one that doesn't have these things in them. By the way at the first eye of noticing some problems in them, don't think you can change it. You can't.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jebedee

Putting out too quickly or not often enough.

I didn't do either of those things. Even if I did, it really doesn't justify cheating? Does it?

Reply 16

Jebedee

17

Original post by Anonymous

I didn't do either of those things. Even if I did, it really doesn't justify cheating? Does it?

No, but you can only change yourself. You can't change others.

I find it hard to believe they both cheated after putting all the work in. How long did you make each wait before putting out?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jebedee

No, but you can only change yourself. You can't change others.

I find it hard to believe they both cheated after putting all the work in. How long did you make each wait before putting out?

Posted from TSR Mobile

With my first bf I waited for about 2 months and about 3 months with my 2nd bf before putting out. After the first time was out of the way, I put out plenty( is that bad? ). My latest bf cheated while I was abroad. (I had been away for 3 weeks)

Reply 18

butterfly1452

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you OP, apart from possibly a bad man-picker. When someone gets cheated on, like another poster said, its a reflection of them, NOT you.

I went through something similar (kept going for non-committal guys/guys with problems because they were exciting). Maybe take some time for yourself, and when you're back to the old, confident you, go on some dates. Dating with low self-esteem (like right now) isn't a good idea and will make you feel worse. And maybe when you do get back out there, try and date outside your usual 'type'. You might find a better guy that way.

Good luck my love!