Bisexual girl in a relationship with a guy, feels like I'm missing out!

I've known for a few years that I'm attracted to girls, but only admitted it to myself in the past few months. I'm in a very committed relationship with my wonderful boyfriend who I'm still incredibly attracted to and whom I love, and want to stay with him, but feel very sad that I have never had the chance to explore the other side of my sexuality, and maybe never will! Will I have to just accept this? I also feel bad identifying as bisexual with very little real experience of being with girls - as if people will think I'm just making it up if I tell them!

Reply 1

TheBigJosh

Introduce having a 3some with your boyfriend. He'll love the girl on girl action and you'll get to experiment. Happy days.

Reply 2

gagaslilmonsteruk

Discuss with your bf, he could help you if he's not homophobic - some relationships one partner is happy to let the other experiment.

Reply 3

Aivicore

Firstly, you don't have to be experienced with a gender of people to know that you're attracted to them. Sexuality is fluid, and if later down the line you feel more or less attracted to women at some points in your life, that's okay, too, and you can still be called bisexual. :smile:

With regards to feeling like you're missing out, there probably isn't a whole lot that I can say. It's literally the same outcomes as being with a guy, except with different genitals* involved. You could talk to your boyfriend about the possibility of experimenting with girls or even bringing another girl into the bedroom with you, but be wary of the probability that he will feel intimidated/like he isn't enough for you/like he wouldn't want to share you, even in a threesome.

Reply 4

Chicken.M.

Should have gotten all the sleeping around out of your system before getting into a relationship if thats what you're like lol.
You'l just end up cheating on him sooner or later.

Reply 5

Orthonym

Every person you have sex or a relationship with brings something unique, regardless of their gender. You're drawn to the idea of experience with a girl at the moment because of your new perspective of your sexuality. The cause of this want for experience is that you seem to have hesitation to commit to your relationship, you are unsure about the concept of only being intimate with this one person for potentially the rest of your life. This feeling is normal and justified in my opinion, it's a feeling I know from the 3 serious relationships that I've been in.

I want to share with you how that changed for me. Just over half a year into my current relationship (it was long distance at that point, different continents), I was hanging out with a male friend that I had previously had a crush on. There was still somewhat of a spark there, but I would never act on it. We were close because we were living together in Asia with some other students, and the living conditions were not the same as in the UK. We were arranging some furniture, and there was a point where I lay down to rest on a bed, and he initiated a spoon hug with me for about half a second before he turned back over the other way. In that half a second I felt nothing for him at all, there wasn't any room in my mind for me to even be truly aware of what he was doing because I just felt a massive pang of emotion for my boyfriend and how much I missed him. I was shocked by that, and for the rest of the day I felt somewhat elated, like I knew the long distance would work out fine, even though I missed him. That was a big turning point for me because since then I haven't been attracted to anyone else or had that feeling of wanting more/different experiences.

Reply 6

Lotus_Eater

I'm going to say something that's probably unpopular but I'm being honest and I don't pretend to speak for anyone other than myself here: yes, being bisexual has, for me, always meant accepting compromise as part of my life. I'm actually getting married (to a woman) soon and don't plan on ever being with a guy again. That is just a little bit painful to contemplate. I don't have the same thing with respect to "I'll never be with a (new) woman again". Sleeping with men is different from sleeping with women. I accept that, and also accept that being in a loving relationship for the rest of my life transcends anything else.

For me bisexuality is about having a dual nature that is always, to some extent, unsatisfied. In other words, you could go out and sleep with a bunch of girls but re-committing to a happy loving straight relationship would still be hard.

It's crazy to delude yourself into thinking you'll never occasionally want something else. If you can admit this to yourself, you'll be so much better placed to manage that in a calm and rational way. Imagine going on a strict diet on the assumption that you'll never be hungry or crave chocolate. You'd eventually snap. Much more sensible to be honest with yourself and find some peace with the reality: that monogamy involves sacrifice and over a lifetime that will be a challenge to you both.

Reply 7

jamesguitar

Original post by Anonymous

I read this and thought this could be my girlfriend. Please tell me your name does not begin with N. Please! On a side note, just follow your heart, not your lust! The grass always appears greener on the other side

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by jamesguitar

It doesn't, don't worry!

Reply 9

jamesguitar

Original post by Anonymous

It doesn't, don't worry!

Good!! I'm so sorry about your problem. Have you worked out what to do yet?

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Chicken.M.

Should have gotten all the sleeping around out of your system before getting into a relationship if thats what you're like lol.
You'l just end up cheating on him sooner or later.