Is there something wrong with women who don't want kids?
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Immigrants mainly.
Original post by Mother Teresa
What does this even mean? Usually when people make irrelevant generalisations they have the decency to at least follow it up with a statement attempting to explain the supposed observeation.
It doesn't but I feel like she's lying to herself. I'd even go as far as saying that it's unnatural for a woman to abandon all her maternal instincts in favour of a childless life which is supposedly only for the high-powered exec/celeb types anyway/
Like I said above you're right it doesn't affect me but I didn't say it did, did I? My only issue is finding something wrong with such women I don't know, it just goes against everything inside me.
It doesn't but I feel like she's lying to herself. I'd even go as far as saying that it's unnatural for a woman to abandon all her maternal instincts in favour of a childless life which is supposedly only for the high-powered exec/celeb types anyway/
Like I said above you're right it doesn't affect me but I didn't say it did, did I? My only issue is finding something wrong with such women I don't know, it just goes against everything inside me.
Or perhaps shes telling the truth. Maybe she doesn't have this maternal instinct you assume all women have to have. Theres nothing wrong with it.
(edited 9 years ago)
I wouldn't settle down with a woman who wasn't willing to have a big family.
Original post by minimarshmallow
I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all.
I don't want kids myself. Partly because I know my brother will anyway, partly because I have some awful genes in here, but mostly because I think most children would be better off if I'm just working and volunteering as I am now or if I go into academia than they would be if they had me as a mother.
I don't want kids myself. Partly because I know my brother will anyway, partly because I have some awful genes in here, but mostly because I think most children would be better off if I'm just working and volunteering as I am now or if I go into academia than they would be if they had me as a mother.
What? Why does your brother having kids have anything to do with you?
Why would your kids not want you? Sounds like some apologetic explanation tbh. Can you expand on your post pls?
Original post by sliceofcake
I think you're missing the point. The women who chose not to have children don't HAVE the maternal instincts. They don't want to have children, they don't want to look after them and have the experience of raising children. It doesn't appeal to them, whereas maternal women DO want to raise children and care for them. Also, no this mentality is not restricted to the "high-powered exec/celeb types", it can be the case for women in all walks of life.
My mum has a regular office job, she works with a woman who would hate to have children, she and her husband have a modest income and they enjoy their lives together. I don't think I'll want children, I certainly don't want children any time soon but I understand I may change my mind later but until then I would hate to have children. I don't feel at all maternal and I don't agree with your belief that there may be something wrong with me. I wouldn't care anyway, if it meant I still
wouldn't have to have children.
My mum has a regular office job, she works with a woman who would hate to have children, she and her husband have a modest income and they enjoy their lives together. I don't think I'll want children, I certainly don't want children any time soon but I understand I may change my mind later but until then I would hate to have children. I don't feel at all maternal and I don't agree with your belief that there may be something wrong with me. I wouldn't care anyway, if it meant I still
wouldn't have to have children.
Is it normal for a woman to lack these maternal instincts? I don't know but I cant help but think that something went wrong somewhere. I just don't know why a perfectly healthy woman wouldn't want a child especially if she's wealthy, which in many cases these woman are, meaning she can afford help. Is there an innate selfishness going on?
Is your mum's friend's husband happy with an essentially barren wife? I'm sure you don't know and neither does his wife. Deep down people harbour their true feelings but I appreciate the little anecdote that you shared.
You're young, I take it? It's understandable why you wouldn't want a child right now and saying that you don't want kids in the future while might be a stretch is again understandable. However a 41 year old woman who is at the top of her career with no real problems shouldn't be saying she doesn't want kids. What is she going to be doing with all her time?
Don't you want to pass a part of you along when you die? Do you want all your wealth and belongings to go to the state? How will you manage being old, retired and possibly failing? These are all questions you should consider.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Mother Teresa
What? Why does your brother having kids have anything to do with you?
Why would your kids not want you? Sounds like some apologetic explanation tbh. Can you expand on your post pls?
Why would your kids not want you? Sounds like some apologetic explanation tbh. Can you expand on your post pls?
He's going to have kids so it's not like the family isn't going to have any more children. If I were an only child I would feel more pressure to have children than I do given that I have my sibling.
I just think I wouldn't be a good mother, so a child would be better with a different set of parents and with me working and volunteering to make their life better indirectly through community projects and tax paying. I can hardly look after myself with my history of poor mental health and joint pains, how I'd look after a child is beyond me.
I'm not going to get pregnant and give a child away for adoption, because that's not good either, but I think it would be better for any of my potential children if they just weren't born.
Original post by Mother Teresa
Is it normal for a woman to lack these maternal instincts? I don't know but I cant help but think that something went somewhere. I just don't know why a perfectly healthy woman wouldn't want a child especially if she's wealthy, which in many cases these woman are, meaning she can afford help. Is there an innate selfishness going on?
Is her your mum's friend's husband happy with an essentially barren wife? I'm sure you don't know and neither does his wife. Deep down people harbour their true feelings but I appreciate the little anecdote that you shared.
You're young, I take it? It's understandable why you wouldn't want a child right now and saying that you don't want kids in the future while might be a stretch is again understandable. However a 41 year old woman who is at the top of her career with no real problems shouldn't be saying she doesn't want kids. What is she going to be doing with all her time?
Don't you want to pass a part of you along when you die? Do you want all your wealth and belongings to go to the state? How will you manage being old, retired and possibly failing? These are all questions you should consider.
Is her your mum's friend's husband happy with an essentially barren wife? I'm sure you don't know and neither does his wife. Deep down people harbour their true feelings but I appreciate the little anecdote that you shared.
You're young, I take it? It's understandable why you wouldn't want a child right now and saying that you don't want kids in the future while might be a stretch is again understandable. However a 41 year old woman who is at the top of her career with no real problems shouldn't be saying she doesn't want kids. What is she going to be doing with all her time?
Don't you want to pass a part of you along when you die? Do you want all your wealth and belongings to go to the state? How will you manage being old, retired and possibly failing? These are all questions you should consider.
Maybe it is selfishness. Why spend time raising a child she doesn't REALLY want just because society or someone else decided she SHOULD have a child, when really she'd rather spend her time working, enjoying hobbies, spending time with others, travelling etc. For some, life can be limited when you have children.
I can't imagine that their marriage consisting of just the two of them, no children, would have survived for very long if they didn't talk. If he wanted children, she would have reminded him he's free to have them if he leaves the relationship. What benefit does he really get from being in a relationship where he lacks what makes him truely happy? I believe they're both happy with the situation, but if he wasn't then he should leave it.
I am nearly 22 so yes, I'm still quite young. That's why I acknowledge I may change my mind in the future, but if I don't then I'll live life the way I want to, not adjusting for children and school etc. You can't say that all young women feel this way, though. My mum said she's always known she wants to be a mother, and had children while she was young. My sister also loves children. I've never gotten along with babies, and the older I've gotten that has increased to toddlers and young children.
I don't understand why you believe a women can only spend her free time with children/child related activities. As she doesn't have children, she can do whatever she wants! She can go out, she can watch what she wants on tv, she can invite friends over... whatever she prefers, without concern of what the children like or need.
I've thought about when I'm old, possibly childless. It could be lonely, but I could also be surrounded by friends my own age. If I'm failing then carers can help. It'd be fairly arrogant of me to assume I'll have much wealth when I'm old so it won't be much of a loss! And no, there's nothing particularly special about myself that I feel the need to pass on! Also, if I'm old and alone then I can spend the money on myself! What's to say my children will love me anyway? Parents can do their very best to raise their children, but a part of their child can rebel and fall away from the family. Arguments happen, people move away, possibly to other countries. I also find it selfish in itself to have children just so you aren't alone when you're old. They might not be interested in looking after me. Let's say I have a disabled grandchild. I'd rather they spend time caring for the child than myself. Having children is never a solution unless your problem is "I would love nothing more than to have children in my financial and emotionally stable position in life"
Original post by Skip_Snip
You can only call it a waste if you're gonna turn every sperm into a baby.
A sperm is only equal to just one egg not the entire sum of the eggs produced in the woman's whole reproductive age.
alm:Original post by minimarshmallow
He's going to have kids so it's not like the family isn't going to have any more children. If I were an only child I would feel more pressure to have children than I do given that I have my sibling.
I just think I wouldn't be a good mother, so a child would be better with a different set of parents and with me working and volunteering to make their life better indirectly through community projects and tax paying. I can hardly look after myself with my history of poor mental health and joint pains, how I'd look after a child is beyond me.
I'm not going to get pregnant and give a child away for adoption, because that's not good either, but I think it would be better for any of my potential children if they just weren't born.
I just think I wouldn't be a good mother, so a child would be better with a different set of parents and with me working and volunteering to make their life better indirectly through community projects and tax paying. I can hardly look after myself with my history of poor mental health and joint pains, how I'd look after a child is beyond me.
I'm not going to get pregnant and give a child away for adoption, because that's not good either, but I think it would be better for any of my potential children if they just weren't born.
Why do you think you'll be a bad mother? Does it have anything to do with your traits? Or just that you want have time? If it's the latter then why can't you make time. Volunteering and getting ahead at work is all worthwhile but it's only worthwhile in the short term when you think about it. In the long run having kids and raising them and guiding them through the world lie your own parents did is more worthwhile. Nobody's born a perfect mother, your fears are more common than you may think.
Isn't family life and integration into social interactions a big help with mental health? I even know that suffers of schizophrenia can have kids. Your joint pain is unfortunate I agree and it may make it more difficult to care for a young child but I also know of 60 year old women having kids dealing with rheumatoid arthritis and back pain so it's not the end of the world if you were thinking of giving birth.
Original post by Mother Teresa
Why do you think you'll be a bad mother? Does it have anything to do with your traits? Or just that you want have time? If it's the latter then why can't you make time. Volunteering and getting ahead at work is all worthwhile but it's only worthwhile in the short term when you think about it. In the long run having kids and raising them and guiding them through the world lie your own parents did is more worthwhile. Nobody's born a perfect mother, your fears are more common than you may think.
Isn't family life and integration into social interactions a big help with mental health? I even know that suffers of schizophrenia can have kids. Your joint pain is unfortunate I agree and it may make it more difficult to care for a young child but I also know of 60 year old women having kids dealing with rheumatoid arthritis and back pain so it's not the end of the world if you were thinking of giving birth.
Isn't family life and integration into social interactions a big help with mental health? I even know that suffers of schizophrenia can have kids. Your joint pain is unfortunate I agree and it may make it more difficult to care for a young child but I also know of 60 year old women having kids dealing with rheumatoid arthritis and back pain so it's not the end of the world if you were thinking of giving birth.
I'm terribly impatient and snap at everything. Time isn't even a concern, I know a child could fit into my life, I just don't want it to.
Volunteering where I do means that other people's children get access to books and love reading. My dream job is to be a librarian. It would be incredibly worthwhile for me to help other people's children live fulfilling lives filled with reading good literature and having that enjoyment for life. Why would having my own suddenly be better than that?
I don't fear anything. I just don't think I would be good at it, so I've reasoned that it's better if I don't, because what I am doing now is worthwhile, helpful and fulfilling.
Yeah, family interactions may be good for my mental health, but it isn't fair on the child. My mum has mental health problems, which may have contributed to mine through nature or nurture. Not that I blame her, but if it were me and my child I wouldn't blame her for thinking it was partly my fault she was depressed or anxious all the time.
My mum also has arthritis. It's another thing that is contained in genes, although it seems to have missed me as the tests say it's not arthritis. She struggles all the time, and my dad can only work part time as he has to look after her as well as looking after the children. Pregnancy and childbirth also made it worse, as did running around after us when we were babies.
Anyway, I don't think I need to justify myself all that much anymore. There isn't anything wrong with me because I don't want children. There are some things wrong with me contributing to the fairly logical decision not to have children, but not the other way around.
Look some people simply don't want children and quite frankly there are other important things in this world.
While some people want to have children others do not, others might prefer to put their energy into raising money for the poor, studying their subject and contributing to it, researching technology to help improve lives, making sure that future generations are better off ect..
This isn't hard to understand or accept and just like you seem to be unable to comprehend women not wanting children, there are people who don't understand the need to have children too. If one person can want children it makes perfect sense that there will be and are those who do not.
While some people want to have children others do not, others might prefer to put their energy into raising money for the poor, studying their subject and contributing to it, researching technology to help improve lives, making sure that future generations are better off ect..
This isn't hard to understand or accept and just like you seem to be unable to comprehend women not wanting children, there are people who don't understand the need to have children too. If one person can want children it makes perfect sense that there will be and are those who do not.
I don't. Going to sound selfish but I've started to lose weight and I'm young so it's easy for me. But I know in my 30s it will be harder to lose pregnancy weight, so I don't want to **** my body up, as I put weight on easily, I have to watch what I eat etc.
Original post by Old_Simon
So weird. Young people having more and more sex but the UK birth rate is in a long term decline.
Actually, this generation are having less sex than the one before them. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/mar/18/why-generation-y-less-sex
The idea of not having a family depresses me
No matter how much money you have, where you go on holiday, what car you drive, it all seems pointless if you're just living for yourself. I always think these people without children will sit at bars, smoke cigarettes, pour alcohol down their throats and have one night stands until one day nobody around them is left to care, it's horrible.
No matter how much money you have, where you go on holiday, what car you drive, it all seems pointless if you're just living for yourself. I always think these people without children will sit at bars, smoke cigarettes, pour alcohol down their throats and have one night stands until one day nobody around them is left to care, it's horrible.
I wouldn't say theres anything wrong with them but I do think its strange but that's probably due to my background. This thread reminds me of an article I read a while back.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2386400/Kate-Spicer-Any-woman-says-shes-happy-childless-liar-fool.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2386400/Kate-Spicer-Any-woman-says-shes-happy-childless-liar-fool.html
Original post by shopoholic
Whats wrong with not wanting kids 
Some people would rather live their lives without being tied to their kids. Being a parent seems like a lot of responsibility and not everyone is up for that..
Some people would rather live their lives without being tied to their kids. Being a parent seems like a lot of responsibility and not everyone is up for that..
PRSOM
But so true!
Original post by yo radical one
The idea of not having a family depresses me
No matter how much money you have, where you go on holiday, what car you drive, it all seems pointless if you're just living for yourself. I always think these people without children will sit at bars, smoke cigarettes, pour alcohol down their throats and have one night stands until one day nobody around them is left to care, it's horrible.
No matter how much money you have, where you go on holiday, what car you drive, it all seems pointless if you're just living for yourself. I always think these people without children will sit at bars, smoke cigarettes, pour alcohol down their throats and have one night stands until one day nobody around them is left to care, it's horrible.
I'm living to make the world a better place for other people's children. I volunteer for a really worthwhile charity and want to work in a library so clearly want libraries to stay open.
It's not as simple as being selfish and living only for yourself if you don't have children.
Original post by yo radical one
The idea of not having a family depresses me
No matter how much money you have, where you go on holiday, what car you drive, it all seems pointless if you're just living for yourself. I always think these people without children will sit at bars, smoke cigarettes, pour alcohol down their throats and have one night stands until one day nobody around them is left to care, it's horrible.
No matter how much money you have, where you go on holiday, what car you drive, it all seems pointless if you're just living for yourself. I always think these people without children will sit at bars, smoke cigarettes, pour alcohol down their throats and have one night stands until one day nobody around them is left to care, it's horrible.
You can still have a life partner, etc without having kids.
And frankly, children put a strain on the potential someone can achieve as an individual.
(edited 9 years ago)
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