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My boyfriends parents are racist. What can I do.
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Original post by Hertz
Its the culture. Its quite racist they assume black people are criminals and rowdy and dangerous.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
So true.
OP have you tried talking to his parent about how you feel?
Original post by Indian boyfriend
My boyfriend is Indian and I am black. His parents are so racist. They hate me. They tell me to my face that they hate me. They make my boyfriends life hell for being with me and encourage him to meet new Indian girls, which basically means trying to get him to cheat on me. It's been two years and I can feel they breaking us apart, I thought things would decrease but they've increased
Well you two are still together which tells me your boyfriend doesn't care what his parents think of you as long as he loves you. My advice is just ignore them, don't let them get to you otherwise it could jeopardise your relationship. Many people are in relationships where their partner's family hates them for some stupid reason.
Haha, coming from an Asian family - I know what you mean. But I'm just going to be blunt here,
it is very unlikely that they will check their perception, the younger generation (us) think differently to those from the older, we're more open while they're more restricted, and perhaps racist.
This is a cultural problem most of the time, but what you can do is decide to stay together and hope for them to approve (which probably won't happen) and then move out and be happy together, or find another solution.
Relationships aren't easy, but the fact that you're still together even after 2 years shows it isn't going to be easy to break you two apart. Keep it going, don't let anyone tell you that your relationship is not worth having for.
it is very unlikely that they will check their perception, the younger generation (us) think differently to those from the older, we're more open while they're more restricted, and perhaps racist.
This is a cultural problem most of the time, but what you can do is decide to stay together and hope for them to approve (which probably won't happen) and then move out and be happy together, or find another solution.
Relationships aren't easy, but the fact that you're still together even after 2 years shows it isn't going to be easy to break you two apart. Keep it going, don't let anyone tell you that your relationship is not worth having for.
I'm Pakistani girl dating a black guy. Pakistani and Indian cultures are similar, so I can tell you this, your boyfriend needs to be adamant about being with you. Of course his parents are going to be a little backwards at first but with his help, they'll end up accepting you. I'm surprised that you've been dating for two years and they're still so ignorant. Your boyfriend needs to speak up and hold his ground (tell him not to be disrespectful and to remain calm). I didn't wait long to tell my parents about my boyfriend even though I was fourteen because I have a really close relationship with my mom, it was my mom who encouraged my dad to meet my boyfriend and it's now coming up to four years (I'm seventeen, going on to being eighteen). I'm not saying to pressure your boyfriend but if he can't handle having a interracial relationship, tell him to get the **** out because he doesn't deserve to have you in his life. Two years together and he can't fight for you.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Old_Simon
The problem here is not the parents it is the bf. What type of man lives in his mum and dad's pocket and lets them treat his gf or any other of his friends this way ? He lives in, and accepts his parent's culture as if he was a child. He doesn't deserve the OP as a gf.
His parents aren't racist,trust me I'm Indian and if my parents saw me talking to a white guy/black guy I'll be dead.
Original post by Makina
His parents aren't racist,trust me I'm Indian and if my parents saw me talking to a white guy/black guy I'll be dead.
Well then whether you chose it or not you are complicit in racist attitudes yourself. And living in fear of violence is abuse. You should leave home.
Original post by Indian boyfriend
My boyfriend is Indian and I am black. His parents are so racist. They hate me. They tell me to my face that they hate me. They make my boyfriends life hell for being with me and encourage him to meet new Indian girls, which basically means trying to get him to cheat on me. It's been two years and I can feel they breaking us apart, I thought things would decrease but they've increased
My friend has been with her boyfriend for 5 years. She's from the Caribbean and he's Vietnamese. His parents disliked her for a long time! When she was eventually allowed to go to his house, his parents would say nasty things about her in Vietnamese when she was in the room and 'encourage' him to meet other Vietnamese girls.
They persisted and his brothers now see her as part of their family. However, his parents still aren't fond of her (they don't HATE her any more apparently) but now they just ignore it.
It's awful to have your bf's parents hate you, but it's not worth breaking apart a good relationship trying to please them..
In asian culture the only way to get acceptance is "physical intervention".
Original post by SloaneRanger
In asian culture the only way to get acceptance is "physical intervention".
What do you mean?
Original post by Makina
What do you mean?
I don't condone violence, but an asian culture using physical means to get something is the only way forward in demanding respect. If this guy really loves his gf he will physically get it into his parents head.
Original post by Old_Simon
The question is not about the Empire, about language or about trouble. The issue is integration. You simply refuse on the grounds you are superior to us.
That is an absolutely disgusting attitude to a country which took you in, protected you and gave you a chance to open corner shops and restaurants all over.
That is an absolutely disgusting attitude to a country which took you in, protected you and gave you a chance to open corner shops and restaurants all over.
Dude, why are you getting so worked up? Now you're just stereotyping, every South Asian family is different. Some are more open minded and some are deeply rooted in their culture. It takes time, even though it's 2014. I can tell you this, they're adapting, even if it is a slow process. You don't need to beat her down about it, it's just the way it is. You wouldn't understand as I'm presuming you are not South Asian. If you don't have full knowledge on our culture, you don't have any right to criticise. Thank you.
Original post by BornSinner
Dude, why are you getting so worked up? Now you're just stereotyping, every South Asian family is different. Some are more open minded and some are deeply rooted in their culture. It takes time, even though it's 2014. I can tell you this, they're adapting, even if it is a slow process. You don't need to beat her down about it, it's just the way it is. You wouldn't understand as I'm presuming you are not South Asian. If you don't have full knowledge on our culture, you don't have any right to criticise. Thank you.
Oh Ok. We can be racist as long as we are changing slowly ? You will never change. That is a complete lie.
Original post by BornSinner
Dude, why are you getting so worked up? Now you're just stereotyping, every South Asian family is different. Some are more open minded and some are deeply rooted in their culture. It takes time, even though it's 2014. I can tell you this, they're adapting, even if it is a slow process. You don't need to beat her down about it, it's just the way it is. You wouldn't understand as I'm presuming you are not South Asian. If you don't have full knowledge on our culture, you don't have any right to criticise. Thank you.
In south asia, if you dishonour someone it often leads to violence. Best way to solve it is to skip the arguing and get to problem solving. If theres a will to resolve it the guy will confront his family and do "whatever is necessary".
Original post by Old_Simon
Oh Ok. We can be racist as long as we are changing slowly ? You will never change. That is a complete lie.
My family is NOT racist. We value our culture and I'm dating a Ghanian who has been accepted by my parents. You're just looking for an excuse to cause a fight. I suggest you buy a culture guide of Amazon or actually visit the countries which you are expressing so much distaste for. Like I said, every South Asian family is different, we're all completely different. You're the one who is being ignorant.
Btw, my last comment was supposed to be a shocked face. I'm a black girl also dating an Indian guy, we haven't met each other's families yet. But, we also had a similar discussion about acceptance as well. This whole thing has got me thinking.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Makina
His parents aren't racist,trust me I'm Indian and if my parents saw me talking to a white guy/black guy I'll be dead.
Same here lol
Stop wasting your time caring about what the parents think OP. Most asians are racist and hate Blacks the most fervently. Racism is irrational and thus cannot be reasoned with or simply hoped to 'vanish' over time. Enjoy your relationship and forget about those ignorant bastards.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Indian boyfriend
My boyfriend is Indian and I am black. His parents are so racist. They hate me. They tell me to my face that they hate me. They make my boyfriends life hell for being with me and encourage him to meet new Indian girls, which basically means trying to get him to cheat on me. It's been two years and I can feel they breaking us apart, I thought things would decrease but they've increased
Sadly that is extremely common ... as an Asian person I can honestly say that you have to try not to take it personally. It isn't the inherent fact of the colour of your skin but the cultural difference and perceived judgement from extended family members that is the wider issue here. A lot of Asian families feel that their culture and beliefs will be lost if a person marries outside their race - family values, raising children, language, family dynamic, views on education, cohabitation etc etc
I think you have to just keep at it. Hold your own, be respectful and be the bigger person. Don't argue with them or give them more reason to resent you. Be the lovely person that you probably are and learn about their culture. Maybe when you visit them discuss things you have in common with them ... cricket, bollywood movies, their home, country food. Finding common ground can help
Don't let it break you, because by doing that you're accepting that they're right ...Good luck!!
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