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I'm letting my ex affect me too much

I'm 18 she's 17, we were together for a year and she ended it, back in March. Since then we've spoken every now and then, mostly around school (we're in sixth form together) but also the occasional text conversation.

The thing is, when she starts a conversation over text/comes up to me in school, she'll be nice and we'll have a friendly conversation and flirt a bit. But when I start it, in general she'll give short replies or just not seem interested in talking.

And when that happens it gets me down a lot, because for a year obviously she was so happy and to be honest, she was the one who was putting a bit more into the relationship and thought I was amazing etc.... so it just hurts to see the change so suddenly.

So basically she's affecting me too much and I don't know how to stop caring about it any more. It's been too long.

Thankyou

Reply 1

nohomo

Just focus on your studies and get through A levels, then go to a different uni/job/apprenticeship to her and forget about her. It'll just take time, and even then the feelings might not completely go away. Maybe get a hobby, meet some new people...just keep busy to forget about her.

If you feel it's really bad, see a doctor, but I feel ridiculous suggesting that...

Reply 2

gr8wizard10

Original post by nohomo

This essentially. Money will get you the woman of your dreams, to be honest.

Reply 3

Llewellyn

Basically, you miss the attention of the validation she used to give you, or you feel that she's being mean by being inconsistent. Fact is, most girls move on faster than most guys and she doesn't feel the same anymore.

I'd advise you either to tell her that her actions have this affect and ask her to be more thoughtful, or to just cut contact with her completely so that you don't get this hot/cold or friendly/ not friendly thing going on. Personally, I'd go with the latter. You don't have to be mean about it, but it will give you a sense of control and alleviate the whole "what are we now" thing you're going though. The worry with doing the former is that some people may use it as an opportunity to mess with you (not saying she necessarily would, but it's possible).

The only thing you don't do here is nothing - because from her perspective, it's polite to keep friendly contact with you, but at a distance (which is exactly what you don't need by the sounds of it) and she will continue to do this unless you change it.

Meanwhile, something to distract yourself for a month or two will help.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Llewellyn

That's the bit that hurts :redface:

I'll do what you suggest though. We're not in school any more so I won't see her in person, I won't text her and do you reckon I should ignore it if she does text me?

Reply 5

Llewellyn

Original post by Anonymous

That's the bit that hurts :redface:

I'll do what you suggest though. We're not in school any more so I won't see her in person, I won't text her and do you reckon I should ignore it if she does text me?

Unfortunately, time is the only remedy. You can help time pass more easily if you keep yourself occupied but there's not much else you can do.

I guess that changes things. I would either cut contact*, or talk about [this] explicitly. But keep in mind that getting back in contact could hurt, either because she says she doesn't or does still like you. Perhaps you should ask yourself is there any scenario you'd prefer over just letting things settle? Would it really help you to know for sure whether she is, or is not over you? i.e. do you think you would actually gain anything, or help yourself by doing that? It's important to look past the short term temptation of just wanting to talk to her for the sake of it.

* - It would be more respectful to message her saying "I'm sorry about this, but I'm still having a hard time getting over you, and not talking for a while would help. I hope you understand" (or similar).