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Is it weird that I wouldn't want my Dad to walk me down the aisle?

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Reply 20

Jordooooom

Original post by beccagood95

Yes, because seeing myself as independent from my parents definitely equals a "spoilt biatch".

Well hey, if you want act the big girl then that's none of my business

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Reply 21

beccagood95

Original post by Michael!

So why don't you stick to tradition, not upset your father and not make a scene. If my daughter turned round and said to me that she didn't want me to walk her down the aisle after everything that I had done for her, I'd be absolutely gutted.

You might think that it'd show you to be unique and promote your feminist individualism but people would only see you as insensitive and naive.

I'm not going to do something JUST because it's tradition.
Traditionally, marriage would be between a man and a woman, where they haven't lived together or even slept together prior to the wedding.
But now, 2 people of the same sex can get married, 2 unmarried people can live and sleep together. I'm pretty happy with those things, actually and I'm glad that things can change over time.
I hardly think it would make a "scene". And if it REALLY upset my Dad that much, I'd let him, but to be honest I think my Dad is a reasonable person and has influenced the way I think so there's a good chance that he'd understand and would be completely okay with it.

Reply 22

letsbehonest

That is pretty insulting.

Reply 23

OllieDS

If you don't want your Dad to walk you down the isle but want bridesmaids then your logic and thinking is so stupid it's beyond belief.

Reply 24

beccagood95

Original post by fabstrawberry

I think I'm weird because I hate the idea of a big wedding with lots of people there, I mean I want to get married but tbh I wouldn't want any sort of ceremony in a church with people there for it. A few witnesses will be fine, then just leave.. :rolleyes:

But yeah, I think it would be your own choice in what you want so when you are going to get married just explain it to your dad c:

Yeah, I don't think I'd invite too many people either. I'd like a small, inexpensive wedding with just family and and maybe some really close friends. Something that's intimate and enjoyable for everyone rather than the big traditional wedding.
I'm surprised at the amount of people on here that don't think you should get to have your own wedding, and instead have the "traditional" wedding and make everyone else happy.

Reply 25

beccagood95

Original post by OllieDS

If you don't want your Dad to walk you down the isle but want bridesmaids then your logic and thinking is so stupid it's beyond belief.

I don't believe I said ANYWHERE that I wanted to have bridesmaids.

Reply 26

SophiaLDN

I feel sorry for your dad.

Reply 27

OllieDS

Original post by beccagood95

I don't believe I said ANYWHERE that I wanted to have bridesmaids.

Well do you want them or not?

If no: Then your logic and thinking has reason behind it.

If yes: Then your logic and thinking is beyond stupid and you're cherry picking which traditions you're opposed to. Reminds me of religion.

Reply 28

fojodef

Original post by beccagood95

Now, I'm not intending to get married anytime soon, especially since me and my boyfriend are still at university.
But I was watching something on youtube about weddings, and it got me thinking.
I HATE the idea of having someone "give" me away. I love my Dad, but he does not own me and I wouldn't be his to give away. I would have been the one that said yes to the proposal.
And I am not giving myself to my fiance anymore than he is giving himself to me.
I've never really seen myself as much of a feminist, other than just wanting to be respected as a person, but I found that I feel quite strongly about this.

I know that if I told this to my parents, they would both be very upset about such a thing. My mother's dad gave her away, and also felt sad that she was the only one of his 4 daughters that he gave away before he died. I am also my Dad's only daughter and I imagine he'd want to walk me down the aisle since it's a tradition that he expects. So hopefully it will be a while before I get married. :erm:

Does anyone else feel like this too?

sounds like your dads a weak man

Reply 29

themorninglight

Can't you just swallow your pride and allow your dad this one happy moment?

Reply 30

beccagood95

Original post by OllieDS

I don't want bridesmaids. I've been a bridesmaid many times in my life and it's kind of pointless anyway. You follow them down the aisle in a dress that matches everyone elses... And then you sit down.

In general, I don't want anything too big anyway. Just two people getting married and then celebrating it with family. No bridesmaids. And since it would be the boyfriends wedding too, he'd get to actually make decisions. Shock horror. :rolleyes:

All I want is a quiet, intimate ceremony. I doubt there would be much of an aisle anyway if I had it my way.
And definitely none of that "traditional" fruit cake. Bleurgh.

Reply 31

Jordooooom

Original post by beccagood95

All I want is a quiet, intimate ceremony. I doubt there would be much of an aisle anyway if I had it my way.
And definitely none of that "traditional" fruit cake. Bleurgh.

Bet you want the traditional expensive ring that is traditionally bought by your boyfriend. Then traditionally take half his money when things go tits up

Reply 32

beccagood95

Original post by themorninglight

Can't you just swallow your pride and allow your dad this one happy moment?

If it was something that he REALLY felt strongly about, then maybe. I wouldn't make it so it would be "HEY EVERYONE, LOOK, MY DAD ISN'T WALKING ME DOWN THE AISLE".
Not at all.
It would either be that there would barely be an aisle at all, or I walk down it with the person I was getting married to. And of course, he would be involved in other aspects, such as making a speech, as I already know that's something he'd love. He likes to write things like poetry and he made an amazing best man's speech at my uncles wedding, so I think that's something he'd enjoy more than walking me down the aisle.

Reply 33

whatisthis47

You're thinking about this in quite a negative way. It's one the best parts about weddings, in my opinion. Yes, you don't belong to anyone, but this walk is something so important to fathers because it symbolises a sort of transition in their life - not just yours. Since the minute you were born your dad was your main protector and carer. (Of course this applies to mothers as well, but we're talking about dads now so I'm excluding them.) Your dad "giving you away" isn't as literal as you're taking it - it's not a case of "this girl belongs to me, now she belongs to you", it's more "I've been protecting this girl since she was a child, now I trust you to do the same."

Think about it from your dad's point of view. It's really ****ing scary. For the bride and the groom it's a new beginning, a fresh start, one hell of a milestone in life. For the dad it's a completely different story -- he's giving his baby away to another man to look after. That final walk isn't him giving you away like you're some insignificant object who needs a new owner, it's more his final moment with you as his little girl. After that walk is over, his role in your life becomes less significant as you have a new man in your life. I think it's more the dad's time to shine rather than the bride's.

My family are Bengali so our weddings are a little different but we still have that walk. The person/people escorting the bride depends on who she wants to escort her. For my sister's wedding we had our immediate family (mum, dad, my brother, other sister and me) walking her to my brother-in-law. I was ****ting myself. In that moment I was thinking "oh my god she isn't just ours anymore - we have to share her now. She has some strange man protecting her under his roof and now he's her family. He's now her protector - there isn't much we can do. This is our last moment as one family. After this she's off to her new family. One day she'll have her own family and we'll no longer be a significant part of her life anymore." I was so close to flooding the place in tears but we had all eyes and all cameras on us so I had to hold it in. Though I have to say in the wedding video there is a very dramatic shot of me crying like someone has just died. That was awesome. :biggrin:

The hardest part was actually giving her to my brother-in-law. I was terrified that she wouldn't need us anymore. I remember after giving her away her friend found me standing alone and she hugged me and asked if I was alright but I just cried so hard and I said something like "she's always been like a mother to me". It is really ****ing scary. I dread the day I have to get married because I don't want my dad to go through that walk with me. Because of his work my dad and I are practically strangers to each other and we have no relationship but I know him giving me away will kill him because I'm his baby girl. For the last few years I've been put off marriage but the only reason I recently started considering it was because my sister reminded me that my parents need to know that someone will be there to protect me after they're gone. That final walk is your final moment to be theirs.

Don't take it away from your dad. If not for you, do it for him. It's probably the greatest dream many dads have.

Reply 34

beccagood95

Original post by Jordooooom

Bet you want the traditional expensive ring that is traditionally bought by your boyfriend. Then traditionally take half his money when things go tits up

I find it weird that you're making assumptions when you don't know me at all, and the little that you DO know about me is that I didn't want a specific tradition.

No, I don't want him to buy me a ring. If he wants to propose to ME, then he may do so in whichever fashion he wishes. He could just ask me while watching the TV and there be absolutely nothing to show for it afterwards (apart from wedding plans), and I'll be absolutely ecstatic.

Reply 35

Keoje

Original post by Vixen47

I'm no good with words but your first two paragraphs what I wanted to say :colondollar:

Very well said :smile:

Reply 36

beccagood95

Original post by Vixen47

What you're saying is all true, but I don't intend my relationship with my father to change. If I was to get married to someone, I would have to live with them first. And since I live away for most of the year anyway at the moment, I'm not really under his "protection" anymore. I also don't actually expect my boyfriend to protect me, I expect us to protect each other.

And this is all IF I get married. I may not ever get married, so I'm not sure if my father has his hopes up that I will get married.

But yes, it CAN be a beautiful thing as you've described, but it's not for me.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 37

CallMeJay

What has your father done to you to deserve this? That's awfully disrespectful.

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Reply 38

beccagood95

Original post by Vixen47

Oh, and Joe's hardly a new man, he's been around for 4 years already and by the time we get married it will probably a lot longer than that. I think he's come to terms with it by now. :biggrin:

Reply 39

Ggmu!