Original post by Sazzle4Personally, I would count the "why are you telling me this so quickly?" as it should have been a sign to you that she didn't yet feel at that level of familiarity and closeness with you yet.
It's also worth noting that all of the advice she gave you was practical and virtually none of the conversations you had were about her - she doesn't disclose much about herself and she doesn't often actually ask you many questions; you tended to overshare without being aware that social norms suggest closed answers (like the majority of hers) do not indicate a desire to progress the conversation. She gives a lot of answers that are dead ends with you then driving the conversation forward yourself. The unfriending appears as if she found a polite way to end the conversation and then, on reflection, decided she felt so uncomfortable that she needed to unfriend you.
In this paragraph:
You are really kind. Thank you for all your good words. I think that you are an extremely smart person, knowing how much work, what great plans you have in future and how well have you done with your chemistry course. The thing that got to me was being confused about whether this was a good idea to stay in communication, seeing you liked me very much not only as a friend. I think it is a better thing for both of us not to keep in touch for some time, but you are always welcome to talk when you see me around the campus. I hope you understand. I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me, not that I won't believe we cannot be friends, it is just experience talking.. quite a lot of it, that made me do this. I have seen people around me get hurt because I have been too kind and nice, continued on to be their friends, when, in fact, they have always wanted a relationship. It has hurt many of my friends and I didn't understand at that time that the best thing was just to let go.
It got me to think, I got quite scared about this. Hope you understand.
she makes herself very clear. Even if she is sugar coating her real reasons, she has given you as much as she intends to by way of explanation. The notion of being free to speak to her in person is her way of softening the blow and most people would take this to mean a polite 'Hi, how are you?' in passing rather than suggesting she is happy for you to have proper conversations. The reason she thinks this is a realistic option is probably because she's essentially saying "I don't want to be friends, but no hard feelings.' She's just making it clear that she doesn't expect you to pretend you don't know each other and create an animosity that isn't necessary. But to all intents and purposes, she has decided she doesn't want any friendship with you. It hurts, but people are entitled to make these decisions and have no obligation to justify their decision. This is the point at which you should just have cut your losses, I'm afraid.
Then we have this part:
You: know you said that I'm free to talk to you, but that's essentially a shallow friendship
Her: Yeah.. I think that is for the better if we won't have a deeper friendship now. Also, you seem quite bold in flirting, it was quite an unexpected move and it got me a bit uncomfortable. But I understand, of course, each person has their own technique, not judging, just saying.
She agreed with you saying it's a shallow friendship but she's making it clear that this is exactly what she wants. She also says perfectly clearly that you made her uncomfortable. Again, she's finding ways to soften the blow but people do this all the time to avoid hurting people's feelings. It doesn't change the fact she's asking you to leave her alone. You then carried on giving her justifications to try to convince her the friendship could work despite your depression. But she never really said the depression was an issue. She just didn't want to be friends anymore.
In the next exchange, regarding your depression, she comes across as a bit frustrated. She tries to appease you and offer what seem to her like sensible suggestions to help you support yourself and manage your condition.You keep offering to tell her about depression or to 'show her something' but she isn't giving any signals she particularly wants you to. You carry on anyway.
Later, she says:
You seek deep friendship, but I will say that be cautious with opening up to people too quickly, this comes from feeling desperate.
This seems to be her subtly trying to tell you where you went wrong. She's being slightly indirect here, but most people would spot the hint so she's hoping you'll pick up on that without her having to spell it out completely.
Then, when you say:
Me: Haven't you noticed how similar we word things
The fact that we are both INTJs
It didn't take me too long to recognise this
And that's a good skill I was able to develop
You are making a lot of presumptions. You really don't know her well enough at this stage to be so confident in saying she's just like you. This can often make people slightly resentful and uncomfortable as if you're saying you know them better than they know themselves. She may not have felt this way, but it is a possibility.
Also, this is a very clear communication on her part that she considers matters closed and wants to be left alone:
Anyway, I will wish you best of luck and I know you can manage going through this hard time. You are at a very vulnerable stage right now, I reckon you should definitely speak someone more close to you as well.
She's wishing you luck - something people do to part ways. She even tells you to talk to someone else. She reinforces her opinion that you should share these things with friends you know better.
Then: Good luck with your exams! I think no further "unconventionalities" or any sort of talking is really needed. I am sorry. And my emotions do not play a role here, on the contrary.
This couldn't be clearer, especially followed by the blocking. She doesn't want to know. She's uncomfortable. She wants to be left alone. The cues here are quite firm and clear.
Then your final message:
ow… This is now the second time that you have blocked me on Facebook… Sigh, maybe I was wrong about you (this is a first for me). I was going to write this on Facebook (before ceasing communication with you - in every way - but I can’t, due to the blocking). Anyway, one of the MANY things I wanted to tell you is that it’s very obvious (and has been for a month now) that you had feelings for me – I’ll spare you the details on how I came up with the conclusion. I was wondering why your “temperament changed” when you spoke to me on the Saturday that we had our final conversation, but it all made sense once I properly analysed what you were actually trying to say.
“And my emotions do not play a role here, on the contrary” – whom are you trying to fool here?
Anyway, I’ll respect your wishes and leave for good. At least I can now tell myself that I really tried my best with you – I wanted you to become a very good friend of mine because I saw what you could offer. God bless you! Goodbye.
This comes across as quite passive-agressive, presumptious and a little rude. Unless her behaviour in person was massively, hugely different, then you don't really have any evidence to say she has feelings for you. It doesn't read that way in her messages. Having only known her eight days, you haven't seen enough of her behaviour with other people to know how she acts with people she has feelings for. Please, as hard as it is when you feel a connection with someone, cut your losses here and move forward. Some social cues aren't always literal or explicit but they are accepted normatives and you seem like you don't always pick up on them so maybe that's an area to work on?
You seem like a very reflective person, which is a great personality trait, so make the most of that skill but try not to overthink this! I'm sorry if my post here seems in any way like an attack on you and your behaviour - it isn't intended that way. But you have asked for the analysis of what went wrong on your part and an interpretation of her messages rather than any wrongs on her part (and she perhaps could have been more consistent by blocking you and sticking to it) so that's what I've tried to give here!
Good luck with your uni work and I'm sure you will find plenty of other friends with less complications.