He calls me fat, withholds sex and affection...

...

This ^

OP's life is in danger. And no matter what, us humans should care for our lives more than anything else. He is abusing her day and night. He's calling her names and ridiculing her physical characteristics. The only thing that's left for him to do, is to hurt her physically. She needs to stand up for herself. There's a limit to an individuals love towards an abuser and patience.

I disagree. It's not always about low self-esteem. True, the women who are being abused are usually those with low self-esteem but this is because they are easier to prey on and have control over by their partner. They don't stay in the relationship because of their low self-esteem, rather they do because they constantly believe that this person will one day change. But truth hurts and that will never happen.

I know it's easier said than done, but at the end of the day this is the only advice we can give. That's the only real answer there is out there: end it, because nothing else will solve the problem. The OP's partner clearly doesn't love her enough to change, because if he did, then he wouldn't be treating her like this in the first place. If the OP wanted to hear something else, then she shouldn't have posted on here at all. But this is the reality of things, whether she likes it or not.

You may also think your abuser "loves" you, and that's why you stay with him, but at the end of the day that's not what true love is and you can only be with someone who truly loves you once you get rid of the abusive partners who only say they do.

I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect. If you keep going back to him, you're going to suffer. It's going to turn nasty. So, if you want to save yourself, leave him. And go for that guy who you definitely must've ignored when he was being nice to you.

It really isn't as black and white as women just staying with abusive partners and ignoring "nice guys". In fact if you were a nice guy you would have read this and offered some actual advice instead of making a weak argument in favour of you getting a girlfriend. So transparent. SO tedious. Put your fedora away and rethink your approach.

Wtf? When did i claim that i'm a nice guy? Why are you attacking me personally? Have i said anything abusive? Why would i try a get GF over here when i'm already seeing a girl? Learn to respect people's opinion's, you poor Kid.

You need to watch Murdered By My Boyfriend on BBC I player.

Really hope you manage to leave him; good luck! X


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Poor kid? Really?

If you can't see why what you said is actually pretty offensive (blaming women for staying in abusive relationships because they didnt pay attention to another man is utter crap, just saying) then what is there to say? I am "attacking" you personally because you said it

Yes I agree with you, but hoping your partner will change is not always the reason people stay in such relationships. Reading through the OP, it is obvious she suffers from low self-esteem; she believes she's not worthy of a man's love. People who feel this way would rather stay in an unhappy relationship than face the prospect of being lonely for the rest of their lives. Self-esteem play a huge part in this; I know because I have experienced it first hand, as well as seeing several friends go through it.

I did not blame women. I cannot stress this enough. If you want to attack me personally, then go ahead. That's what kids do when they cannot argue with people maturely. All, i said was:

"I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect",

Meaning: I think you deserve more. I don't understand why you're hurting yourself by staying in this abusive relationship.

P.S: OP has a choice. She can choose not to follow my opinion. But you don't have the right to attack me personally, when not even a single word against women has been uttered by me. Your argument's reek of feminism too. So i wouldn't argue with kids like you anymore and waste my time. Good bye.

I never really got that. As a woman if my man were to start treating me like dirt I'd leave him in the blink of an eye.

I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect. If you keep going back to him, you're going to suffer. It's going to turn nasty. So, if you want to save yourself, leave him. And go for that guy who you definitely must've ignored when he was being nice to you.

I have been in an on/off tempestuous relationship for 4 years. The reason it is a rocky relationship is due to his anger, although he blames me for making him angry, and I have to admit sometimes I do think its my fault. He has a tendency to shout, although he says he is simply 'raising his voice', and he does this to his parents and me.

It is things like, if I get a crumb on the floor, don't wear the clothes he likes, don't put something in the bin or drawer the minute I'm finished with it...he goes crazy and starts shouting at me, telling me that 'he shouldn't have to tell me twice' he will regularly swear at me in public, and tell me off if I do something 'wrong'. I have never had real relationship except him and I honestly believe that I am irritating and would get on anyones nerve. But then it changed, and he started to call me fat and make comments about my body, giving me looks like I am something truly repulsive. I am a small size 10, but he would say that my legs were huge like a ham and that my love handles were horrible.

When I was doing my third year dissertation this year, I distanced myself from him and didn't go visit him (he lives 2.5 hours away and doesn't visit me). During this time he would keep messaging me asking me to go over. He said things like 'no girl is worth what you are' and 'I don't care what you have done. I want you to come see me'. I ignored it until lonliness got the better of me. I don't have many friends and now uni is over I have just been stuck in my house with a suffocating family.

I went back to see , and I'm ashamed to say that I was needy for intimacy and I thought he could give it to me, but he is worse than he ever was. Although he appears nice to me when his friends are there, in private its a different story. He never hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, or says that he loves me. I feel something I have never felt before, which is neglect in affection. He withholds sex, but would gleefully tell me about his masturbatory sessions. When we did once have sex, he would not kiss me or even acknowledge me, and when I said 'I love you' in the heat of the moment, he made me feel terrible and embarrassed about it the next morning, I have never felt so ashamed. We would watch tv and he would say 'why don't you look like her?' I feel like if I became thin and hot, I would have a boyfriend who gave me affection and wanted to be with me. Even though my brain tells me that average looking girls can get love just as much as pretty ones, there is something inside me that tells me that maybe I am just not deserving of a mans love, like I am nothing.

If I left again, I know he would message me and I would end up going back. Or I would become so lonely and go back anyway, as being virtually friendless has caused me to think its better to be in an unhappy relationship that just be alone. Does anyone have any advice, or is there anyone I can talk to who has experienced something similar

Still wrong. If she lost the weight it would make no difference in his behaviour at all. So not only is this not the most paramount concern, but it's a pretty non-existant one.

If you don't want to say what everyone else have said then don't reply. But saying she might need to lose weight doesn't help someone whose clearly in an abusive and manipulative relationship. For one she hasn't said she's big. She said her boyfriend compares her to women on TV. For all we know she's perfectly normal in weight and advising her to lose some can just lead to a whole set of problems.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Please stop giving people advice.

Posted from TSR Mobile

She clearly doesn't really think she's overweight, given that she says she's a small size 10.