He calls me fat, withholds sex and affection...

I was approaching from a health perspective rather than a placate boyfriend perspective..


Yes, you are right it is always best to just say what everyone else has already said. Shall i save myself self time and just plagiarize them or take a little more time and paraphrase?





Hmm... She may be fine, then again maybe not. It's possible her b/f is calling her fat when she in fact is not, but given he has many other areas to attack it seems odd to pick the one that would be wholly untrue?

As an addendum: women are usually pretty bad when it comes to obesity and less commonly anorexia and gauging what a normal body weight is. It may have even started with OP telling her b/f she's fat and then him using it against her. Either way weight is attitude towards weight is still an issue..

Actually I said don't bother replying if you feel all advice had been given.

Also let me ask you, have you ever been a victim of abuse? I can tell you picking on weight is a common thing.

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If you don't want to say what everyone else have said then don't reply.
Posted from TSR Mobile

Alright, well in that case say self-esteem is the cause in only some cases, not all. Because I can tell you for a fact, from my experience, that even the most confident girls can go through this.

No, no you didn't lol. Here it is again:


No i haven't, have you? I'd wager it depends on the type of abuse and therefore not as common as you make out..

If I left again, I know he would message me and I would end up going back. Or I would become so lonely and go back anyway, as being virtually friendless has caused me to think its better to be in an unhappy relationship that just be alone. Does anyone have any advice, or is there anyone I can talk to who has experienced something similar

I know this is what I said:

'If you don't want to say what everyone else have said then don't reply.'

That pretty much means if you don't want to repeat the advices already given then don't bother replying. Quite simple.


Regarding abuse, yes I have. The type of abuse I suffered was different from OP in terms of relationship. I've also been told through years of therapy that weight is a form of control for some people. It is common especially with girls because weight is a sensitive subject (whether they are normal size or not)

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If i don't want to repeat what everyone else has already said then i shouldn't bother replying??

I find this to be so asinine that i'm going to consider it borderline abuse; that's how bizarre i find your statement that you said and standby..

I'm really confused by women like you who just choose to stay in obviously crappy relationships?! Just move on for crying out loud.

There are loads of ways to lose weight if you're really that big. The most effective will likely be a better diet, lots of water and regular exercise can all help with this.

I have been in an on/off tempestuous relationship for 4 years. The reason it is a rocky relationship is due to his anger, although he blames me for making him angry, and I have to admit sometimes I do think its my fault. He has a tendency to shout, although he says he is simply 'raising his voice', and he does this to his parents and me.

It is things like, if I get a crumb on the floor, don't wear the clothes he likes, don't put something in the bin or drawer the minute I'm finished with it...he goes crazy and starts shouting at me, telling me that 'he shouldn't have to tell me twice' he will regularly swear at me in public, and tell me off if I do something 'wrong'. I have never had real relationship except him and I honestly believe that I am irritating and would get on anyones nerve. But then it changed, and he started to call me fat and make comments about my body, giving me looks like I am something truly repulsive. I am a small size 10, but he would say that my legs were huge like a ham and that my love handles were horrible.

When I was doing my third year dissertation this year, I distanced myself from him and didn't go visit him (he lives 2.5 hours away and doesn't visit me). During this time he would keep messaging me asking me to go over. He said things like 'no girl is worth what you are' and 'I don't care what you have done. I want you to come see me'. I ignored it until lonliness got the better of me. I don't have many friends and now uni is over I have just been stuck in my house with a suffocating family.

I went back to see , and I'm ashamed to say that I was needy for intimacy and I thought he could give it to me, but he is worse than he ever was. Although he appears nice to me when his friends are there, in private its a different story. He never hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, or says that he loves me. I feel something I have never felt before, which is neglect in affection. He withholds sex, but would gleefully tell me about his masturbatory sessions. When we did once have sex, he would not kiss me or even acknowledge me, and when I said 'I love you' in the heat of the moment, he made me feel terrible and embarrassed about it the next morning, I have never felt so ashamed. We would watch tv and he would say 'why don't you look like her?' I feel like if I became thin and hot, I would have a boyfriend who gave me affection and wanted to be with me. Even though my brain tells me that average looking girls can get love just as much as pretty ones, there is something inside me that tells me that maybe I am just not deserving of a mans love, like I am nothing.

If I left again, I know he would message me and I would end up going back. Or I would become so lonely and go back anyway, as being virtually friendless has caused me to think its better to be in an unhappy relationship that just be alone. Does anyone have any advice, or is there anyone I can talk to who has experienced something similar

I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect. If you keep going back to him, you're going to suffer. It's going to turn nasty. So, if you want to save yourself, leave him. And go for that guy who you definitely must've ignored when he was being nice to you.

Wtf. Have you even read the OP?

I will never understand people (usually women) who acknowledge their spouse's/partner's problems yet still stay with them.

You clearly know what the problem is, so why haven't you dealt with it? People focus too much on the problem rather than a solution.

The clear solution is to split up with him. But I gather you don't want to be single. Although it's not really a difficult choice. You're not exactly losing anything by splitting up with him.

Another one on the list that doesn't understand things like this. Person knows that their relationship is toxic. Stays anyway. Continues to complain. People are weird.

stop being a moron and leave him, seriously not that complicated.

I've been avoiding this thread for a while because the thread title makes the answer so obvious but it looks like people are beating around the bush. You're being needy and insecure which are traits that make a person easily manipulated. On the one hand you hate the way he treats you, but on the other your need for something over nothing keeps you going back.

People are telling you to dump him without acknowledging that you're with him for a reason. You're getting something out of this or else you would never have let it get this far and would have dumped his ass years ago. If I were to guess I'd say maybe you find his dominance attractive. You have to ask yourself why you let it get this far and what you feel you deserve as a person, because up until this point you seem to be happy giving this d-bag a blank cheque. You shouldn't be giving that to anyone, not even to a guy who treats you right.

People are saying "dump him, dump him", but you can't just dump him - dumping him's not enough. Dumping him's the easy, superficial answer. The true answer is you need to grow some self-respect. Without self-respect you will go back. You need to know what your boundaries are so that you won't just roll over when someone walks all over them. Ask yourself what is the minimum you want in a man. Understand who you are and what you want because until you get a handle on this, this guy or any other will take you for a ride and kick you to the curb whenever and how ever often they feel like it.