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Original post by miser
Because I don't understand how people can expect to meet the person who's right for them when they're handicapping themselves to such a crazy degree by requiring that that person happen to be a friend of a friend. People are all the time asking on this site how they can meet people. I posted in a thread like that just yesterday.

For me, I don't go out to clubs and things very often because I'm very busy. If I wanted to meet someone new, whilst simultaneously overlooking everyone I wouldn't usually talk to, it'd take me forever. When I was at uni that'd be one thing, but now I'm in a male-dominated career with little opportunity for socialising with women my age. I'm a member of clubs and things but these also are male-dominated interests with other busy people. It's nice your friends are all managing it but if I wanted to meet a new girl I expect I'd find it more difficult than them.



Handicapping? Really? If you have an active social life, not only are you likely to be meeting hundreds of new people every year, but there is also going to be a strong positive selection bias towards you getting on with them (if they're friends of your friends) or having something in common with (if you've met through a club or social group), or at the very least a mutual physical attraction, if you've met at a bar and exchanged positive body language towards each other before conversing.

Whereas let say to decide to look for a partner in the street. Every ten minutes, a girl walks past who you superficially like the look of, so you stop them. How many are going to react so positively to your approach so you actually have a decent conversation, maybe 1 in 10?
and how many of the ones that actually stop and talk to you are you actually going to have anything in common with, again, probably 1 in 10?

So thats ~17 hours effort for every girl that might actually get to a first date. Compared to other more efficient methods, do you really think this is worth your time?


On a personal level, dude, if you like fit sporty girls, join a mixed softball team. Who cares if you like softball (its actually quite fun), you will meet more interesting, attractive girls than you will know what to do with.
Reply 301
Original post by cole-slaw
Handicapping? Really? If you have an active social life, not only are you likely to be meeting hundreds of new people every year, but there is also going to be a strong positive selection bias towards you getting on with them (if they're friends of your friends) or having something in common with (if you've met through a club or social group), or at the very least a mutual physical attraction, if you've met at a bar and exchanged positive body language towards each other before conversing.

That's true, but you are requiring a specific kind of an active social life (i.e., one which lets you meet hundreds of new people every year). Not everyone has the time for that if they already have responsibilities and commitments.

Original post by cole-slaw
Whereas let say to decide to look for a partner in the street. Every ten minutes, a girl walks past who you superficially like the look of, so you stop them. How many are going to react so positively to your approach so you actually have a decent conversation, maybe 1 in 10?
and how many of the ones that actually stop and talk to you are you actually going to have anything in common with, again, probably 1 in 10?

So thats ~17 hours effort for every girl that might actually get to a first date. Compared to other more efficient methods, do you really think this is worth your time?

I don't advocate going out of your way to spend hours meeting strangers, but if you see a girl on the train, what have you got to lose? It's not like you're doing anything else with your time.

Original post by cole-slaw
On a personal level, dude, if you like fit sporty girls, join a mixed softball team. Who cares if you like softball (its actually quite fun), you will meet more interesting, attractive girls than you will know what to do with.

That's good advice. There are lots of things that can be done depending on a person's circumstances, but if you are making a specific effort to go out and meet people, I don't see particular reason to restrict it to clubs, etc.
Original post by miser
For me, I don't go out to clubs and things very often because I'm very busy. If I wanted to meet someone new, whilst simultaneously overlooking everyone I wouldn't usually talk to, it'd take me forever. When I was at uni that'd be one thing, but now I'm in a male-dominated career with little opportunity for socialising with women my age. I'm a member of clubs and things but these also are male-dominated interests with other busy people. It's nice your friends are all managing it but if I wanted to meet a new girl I expect I'd find it more difficult than them.


Try yoga. You can definitely meet women in yoga.
Original post by miser
That's true, but you are requiring a specific kind of an active social life (i.e., one which lets you meet hundreds of new people every year). Not everyone has the time for that if they already have responsibilities and commitments.


I don't advocate going out of your way to spend hours meeting strangers, but if you see a girl on the train, what have you got to lose? It's not like you're doing anything else with your time.


That's good advice. There are lots of things that can be done depending on a person's circumstances, but if you are making a specific effort to go out and meet people, I don't see particular reason to restrict it to clubs, etc.


True, but if someone is struggling to meet women, I would recommend they a) look at the way they spend their free time,and try to find activities that are going to involve meeting new people, particularly women, even if it involves going outside of their comfort zone; and b) try to improve their attractiveness in numerous ways, far, far ahead of advising them to start trying it on with every superficially attractive girl they happen to see.

No young single bloke has THAT much responsibility that they can't find a few hours every day to do some kind of female friendly social activity.
Reply 304
Original post by cole-slaw
True, but if someone is struggling to meet women, I would recommend they a) look at the way they spend their free time,and try to find activities that are going to involve meeting new people, particularly women, even if it involves going outside of their comfort zone; and b) try to improve their attractiveness in numerous ways, far, far ahead of advising them to start trying it on with every superficially attractive girl they happen to see.

I agree with that. I wouldn't recommend chatting up strangers particularly since it's far from the easiest thing in the world. I just don't think it's worthless, immoral, etc.

Original post by cole-slaw
No young single bloke has THAT much responsibility that they can't find a few hours every day to do some kind of female friendly social activity.

It comes down to priorities. In my case I do have commitments that would prevent me from doing that. It doesn't stop me meeting women but I know there are busy people for whom it does.
Reply 305
Original post by Ade9000
Try yoga. You can definitely meet women in yoga.

Yeah I bet. :tongue:

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