I'm crying as I write this post. I honestly don't know what to do. [Sorry, for the sheer length of this post. I honestly didn't know it was going to be this long. I got carried away.]
A bit of back story - I met him at a party. We started talking about music we both liked and instantly clicked. From the onset I was told by practically everyone that he was a man whore and to stay away from him because he only wanted me for sex. At first I believed them, so I never gave him a chance, but he carried on pursuing me.
Eventually, I gave into him, but I still felt quite insecure in the relationship. He told me he had no idea how many people he'd slept with and we literally couldn't go anywhere without someone hitting on him or seeing someone he'd slept with. I pushed aside these insecurities because I was soothed by his brother and best friend, who told me that he'd never had a relationship before and how avidly he talked about me to them. Of course, I was also comforted by him.
In fact, I was a virgin when I first started dating him. Though, because of his history, I never told him. He never once pressured me to have sex with him. I was the one that instigated our first sexual experience. And, because of his history, he knew instantly that I was a virgin. We argued about it. But this doesn't matter. I only write it to show how strongly I feel about him.
Anyway, he confided in me a lot, particularly about his lack of money. In the past he had problems with cocaine abuse, which has left him basically penniless. This also made him fall into a deep depression.
His brother tried time and time again to give him money, but he wouldn't accept it. He comes from a rich family, though he refuses to live off their money. This is actually one of the few things he takes pride in. Also, his brother is younger than him. He says he feels pathetic and that he should be providing for his younger brother, not the other way around. Once, I heard him and his brother arguing about it. He said he hadn't eaten in a while, yet he refused to accept his brother's money. He also constantly complained about barely being able to pay his rent. Because he has no qualifications he has difficulty finding work.
His landlord, a 40 year old married woman, would text him being very sexual/flirty. He'd never text back. I know this because he'd laugh about it with me and his friends, showing us the texts. He'd also say that her wanting him was the only reason he hadn't been evicted (in the past, when he had drug abuse problems, he'd throw wild parties and not get thrown out.) I shrugged this off as a joke at the time, though now I know it's the truth.
A few days ago, he broke up with me over the phone. It was completely out of the blue. The previous day we'd actually seen each other and everything had been normal. So, I was very shocked and upset. I asked him why, and he told me that he didn't deserve a relationship, at the moment, especially not with me. I tried to pry him for more information, but he just kept saying that I deserved better than him, that we both knew it'd end up this way, with him hurting me. I hung up on him because I couldn't bear to hear anymore.
I spent the rest of the night crying, and he seemed to be just as depressed as me. My newsfeed was literally filled with his depressing status'. This made me even more confused. If he didn't want to break up with me, then why had he? I pressed him with that question all night. Now I wished I hadn't.
He called me late that night, and it was obvious he was drunk. I took this as my opportunity to get answers. He kept saying that we had to meet-up, that he needed to have the conversation with me in person. But I stood my ground. He started crying, and then said that he'd cheated on me. I was too stunned to cry. I'd probably already cried out every inch of water in my body. He told me that he was three months late on his rent, and he had no way of paying it. His landlord came onto him, and he didn't think twice about it. He kept saying that he was a prostitute and having sex was the only thing he was good at. Again, I hung up because I had no idea what to do or say. I had to turn off my phone because he constantly called the rest of the night.
I assumed I'd feel better after sleeping on it. I didn't. I felt worse the next day, like I had a hangover, even though I hadn't drunk anything. I kept hovering over his name, contemplating calling, though I had no idea what I'd say.
That night he asked if we could meet-up and talk about it face-to-face. I agreed. Although I knew I didn't want to hear the answers, I still tortured myself by asking the questions. There'd been no oral, just intercourse. For some reason, I felt like this was better than if there had been lead up to it. I don't know why, but I cried when he told me he'd came. I obviously hadn't been expecting a rape or anything like that. Though, just to hear that he'd enjoyed it...I felt sick, especially when he told me that she was on top. It's like she made him come...Like he was looking at her...I feel sick just writing about this. He told me that I shouldn't forgive him, that I shouldn't trust him, and I know I shouldn't, but despite this, we spent the rest of the night cuddling.
And today, here I am, writing this post. I have no idea what I hoped to gain by writing this post. It's just a way of venting, I guess, and to get advice.
I feel like one of those stupid girls that take back their boyfriend after they cheat hundreds of times. You know, the kind of girls that go on The Jeremy Kyle show. This certainly feels like one of those stories.
We've only been dating a few months, but I've never felt this way about anyone before, especially enough to give them my virginity. I don't want to let him go, but at the same time I know he's right, that it'll be hard to trust him again. Ah...I have no idea what to do.
Any advice? :/
tl;dr - boyfriend, former manwhore, has money problems, three months late on rent, so slept with landlord to pay off the debt.