Staying friends with a girl you have feelings for?

I really like my friend. But she has a boyfriend who lives in another country. (Long distance relationship 4+ yrs) She plans to marry him.
I told her how I feel. She said that I already know she has a boyfriend and that she loves him and that I shouldn't be selfish.

I said ok I'm sorry, but we can stay friends.

I'm finding it very difficult. But I want to stay friends with her because we get on really well together and she considers me her close friend.

I can't tell her how I feel again or it will ruin our friendship. I was already very close to ruining it the first time I told her. She said to me we can't be friends anymore because she doesn't want to see me sad. But I said to her don't worry I will be ok.

But I'm really not ok.

It's currently the summer holidays so I haven't seen her for 2 months and I won't see her until October.

I know she loves somebody else and I should accept that but I am always thinking about her.

Also, regarding her boyfriend, he is living in another country and they have only met once, yet they have been talking, skyping for 4yrs. I don't see them being together but she is determined she will.

That being said, I want to stay friends with her. Is this ok? How can I make things easier for me? I mean we are close friends and she really appreciates me as a friend.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Reply 1

Teddysmith123

19

You can't be friends with a person you're in love with! Its simple as that. If you want to stay friends then stop thinking of her romantically!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

Jackass.

Original post by teamfitt10

I really like my friend. But she has a boyfriend who lives in another country. (Long distance relationship 4+ yrs) She plans to marry him.
I told her how I feel. She said that I already know she has a boyfriend and that she loves him and that I shouldn't be selfish.

I said ok I'm sorry, but we can stay friends.

I'm finding it very difficult. But I want to stay friends with her because we get on really well together and she considers me her close friend.

I can't tell her how I feel again or it will ruin our friendship. I was already very close to ruining it the first time I told her. She said to me we can't be friends anymore because she doesn't want to see me sad. But I said to her don't worry I will be ok.

But I'm really not ok.

It's currently the summer holidays so I haven't seen her for 2 months and I won't see her until October.

I know she loves somebody else and I should accept that but I am always thinking about her.

Also, regarding her boyfriend, he is living in another country and they have only met once, yet they have been talking, skyping for 4yrs. I don't see them being together but she is determined she will.

That being said, I want to stay friends with her. Is this ok? How can I make things easier for me? I mean we are close friends and she really appreciates me as a friend.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Wanting to stay friends is definitely fine as long as you understand that's what it is, if you keep telling her how much you like her from now on it is a bit selfish as you know she's with someone. For a start try not to question whether their relationship will work out, it's not your place to think of that as a friend, if she's happy then you must be happy for her. I know it sucks that you can't have her but once you realise that's how it is and there are plenty of other girls out there for you to meet it might help you move on from thinking about her. Maybe you need to not speak quite as much for a bit to let you have time to yourself without being constantly reminded of her and having her as a big part of your day. Keep yourself busy with things you enjoy whatever that might be, anything to stop you counting the days since you last saw her :smile:

she might seem like your world right now mate but i'm guessing you're in Uni or something? You're young and hanging yourself up over this one girl who is with someone isn't healthy. Basically it is fine to be friends of course, as long as you try to detach any feelings towards her gradually.

Reply 3

Harvey Dent

2

"I know! My friend has been in a four-year long-distance relationship and really values my friendship, you know what would really support her and wouldn't make me seem like I'm trying to destabilise her love-life? Out-pouring all of my feelings at her."

Herp-a-derp.

Reply 4

plusC

Nah don't do it, its pretty bad. If it weren't for integration I would've been lost honestly

Reply 5

arrow900

12

Original post by plusC

Nah don't do it, its pretty bad. If it weren't for integration I would've been lost honestly

I swear to God the next time you mention integrals I will.... differentiate you. :mad:

Reply 6

plusC

Original post by arrow900

I swear to God the next time you mention integrals I will.... differentiate you. :mad:

Noooo please don't!!!

Reply 7

SophieSmall

21

This sounds like it is going to be too painful for you, it's not selfish of you to want to end the friendship or distance yourself from her because of this. I'm sure you'll find someone else though and you'll be happy. :smile:

Reply 8

miser

20

I think it's a waste of time. Usually in situations like these people have a clouded perception. If you had no feelings for her, would you want to try this hard to be friends? Probably not.

Let yourself move on and meet someone who is interested.

Staying friends with a girl you have feelings for?

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