My friend is getting treated like a slave
Okay...So I've been friends with this guy since last September (when we both started college.) He still keeps in contact with one of his old friends from school. Basically, she's a total bitch.
He has bad social anxiety and therefore doesn't really like going clubbing or being put in other social situations. But she blackmails him into going out with her.
He told us about this one time, she asked him to go to town with her clubbing. He said, no. She said back, oh, well, I went out with you last week...Bearing in mind that was for his birthday. He said no again, and she actually showed up at his house (they both live in the same small village.) She said she'd walked all the way back from the city to meet him, so he couldn't say no to going out. She also said it was just going to be them...But her boyfriend showed up "coincidentally." They proceeded to leave him all night to kiss and dance, etc, knowing he didn't like social situations.
He then left. That night she called his dad saying that he'd left her all alone in the middle of the city with no way of getting home. Really, it was because her and her boyfriend had broken up again (he says they break up a lot.) His dad loves her, so he got in trouble for it.
He told us that it was the end...That they'd fallen out for good, and I was happy because I'd met her once (for his birthday), and instantly didn't like her. But then he apologized like two days later
He actually believed it was his fault and that he should've told her he was leaving.
She even forced him to come early to her house and set-up for this house party she was having. He didn't even want to go in the first place, especially if he couldn't meet us for a drink beforehand. But his dad convinced him to go. He got absolutely pass-out drunk, and she kept saying he could stay at her house, but we under no circumstances were going to let that happen.
Ughhhhh, and now this is happening again and again. She's blackmailing him constantly to go out and do things he doesn't want to do. He won't end it!
When we ask about it he tells us that they've been friends since they were kids and are best friends. He went to the same secondary school because she was going there and he constantly says she was his only friend there. He keeps saying that it's not like that when it's just them and that it never used to be like that. But...So what? It's like that now! He's just being taken advantage of time and time again and he can't even see it.
What the hell can I do to help? If anything...I hate seeing him getting used like this :/ How can I make him see that she's a total bitch?
Oh by the way, before anyone says he likes her, he doesn't. He's gay, actually.
He has bad social anxiety and therefore doesn't really like going clubbing or being put in other social situations. But she blackmails him into going out with her.
He told us about this one time, she asked him to go to town with her clubbing. He said, no. She said back, oh, well, I went out with you last week...Bearing in mind that was for his birthday. He said no again, and she actually showed up at his house (they both live in the same small village.) She said she'd walked all the way back from the city to meet him, so he couldn't say no to going out. She also said it was just going to be them...But her boyfriend showed up "coincidentally." They proceeded to leave him all night to kiss and dance, etc, knowing he didn't like social situations.
He then left. That night she called his dad saying that he'd left her all alone in the middle of the city with no way of getting home. Really, it was because her and her boyfriend had broken up again (he says they break up a lot.) His dad loves her, so he got in trouble for it.
He told us that it was the end...That they'd fallen out for good, and I was happy because I'd met her once (for his birthday), and instantly didn't like her. But then he apologized like two days later
He actually believed it was his fault and that he should've told her he was leaving.She even forced him to come early to her house and set-up for this house party she was having. He didn't even want to go in the first place, especially if he couldn't meet us for a drink beforehand. But his dad convinced him to go. He got absolutely pass-out drunk, and she kept saying he could stay at her house, but we under no circumstances were going to let that happen.
Ughhhhh, and now this is happening again and again. She's blackmailing him constantly to go out and do things he doesn't want to do. He won't end it!
When we ask about it he tells us that they've been friends since they were kids and are best friends. He went to the same secondary school because she was going there and he constantly says she was his only friend there. He keeps saying that it's not like that when it's just them and that it never used to be like that. But...So what? It's like that now! He's just being taken advantage of time and time again and he can't even see it.
What the hell can I do to help? If anything...I hate seeing him getting used like this :/ How can I make him see that she's a total bitch?
Oh by the way, before anyone says he likes her, he doesn't. He's gay, actually.
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Original post by ldsbabe
I'm sorry I read up to social anxiety and then I couldn't be bothered.
Does everyone on this board have social anxiety?
Does everyone on this board have social anxiety?
He doesn't even use this board. That's why I'm posting. What's wrong with having social anxiety? It's not like people choose to have i.
Original post by Reue
She encourages him to go out.. Hardly the tales of slavery.
They were only a few examples. There's loads more occasions like them. It's hardly encouragement when he blatantly states he doesn't want to go out and she won't let it rest until he does.
I don't think there's much you can do about it. He just needs the balls to say no and stick to it.
Original post by Anonymous
They were only a few examples. There's loads more occasions like them. It's hardly encouragement when he blatantly states he doesn't want to go out and she won't let it rest until he does.
Again; hardly slavery though is it?
Practical advice other than the standard 'tell him to say no' would be to invite him along to hang out with you more often instead. Then he can just tell her that he's busy.
Not slavery, he's basically being a huge push over and needs to learn to stand up for himself and say no.
Original post by brownsugar-xx
I don't think there's much you can do about it. He just needs the balls to say no and stick to it.
But I just feel so bad for him everytime this happens...I don't think he ever will say no and I don't want him to be stuck like this for the rest of his life
Original post by Reue
Again; hardly slavery though is it?
Practical advice other than the standard 'tell him to say no' would be to invite him along to hang out with you more often instead. Then he can just tell her that he's busy.
Practical advice other than the standard 'tell him to say no' would be to invite him along to hang out with you more often instead. Then he can just tell her that he's busy.
Sorry for over-exaggerating, I'm just so angry about this whole thing.
Thanks for the advice
We actually haven't been out with just us for a while.Original post by Green Velvet
Not slavery, he's basically being a huge push over and needs to learn to stand up for himself and say no.
Is there really nothing I can do to speed the process along though? I know he's not going to anytime soon
Original post by Anonymous
Okay...So I've been friends with this guy since last September (when we both started college.) He still keeps in contact with one of his old friends from school. Basically, she's a total bitch.
He has bad social anxiety and therefore doesn't really like going clubbing or being put in other social situations. But she blackmails him into going out with her.
He told us about this one time, she asked him to go to town with her clubbing. He said, no. She said back, oh, well, I went out with you last week...Bearing in mind that was for his birthday. He said no again, and she actually showed up at his house (they both live in the same small village.) She said she'd walked all the way back from the city to meet him, so he couldn't say no to going out. She also said it was just going to be them...But her boyfriend showed up "coincidentally." They proceeded to leave him all night to kiss and dance, etc, knowing he didn't like social situations.
He then left. That night she called his dad saying that he'd left her all alone in the middle of the city with no way of getting home. Really, it was because her and her boyfriend had broken up again (he says they break up a lot.) His dad loves her, so he got in trouble for it.
He told us that it was the end...That they'd fallen out for good, and I was happy because I'd met her once (for his birthday), and instantly didn't like her. But then he apologized like two days later He actually believed it was his fault and that he should've told her he was leaving.
She even forced him to come early to her house and set-up for this house party she was having. He didn't even want to go in the first place, especially if he couldn't meet us for a drink beforehand. But his dad convinced him to go. He got absolutely pass-out drunk, and she kept saying he could stay at her house, but we under no circumstances were going to let that happen.
Ughhhhh, and now this is happening again and again. She's blackmailing him constantly to go out and do things he doesn't want to do. He won't end it!
When we ask about it he tells us that they've been friends since they were kids and are best friends. He went to the same secondary school because she was going there and he constantly says she was his only friend there. He keeps saying that it's not like that when it's just them and that it never used to be like that. But...So what? It's like that now! He's just being taken advantage of time and time again and he can't even see it.
What the hell can I do to help? If anything...I hate seeing him getting used like this :/ How can I make him see that she's a total bitch?
Oh by the way, before anyone says he likes her, he doesn't. He's gay, actually.
He has bad social anxiety and therefore doesn't really like going clubbing or being put in other social situations. But she blackmails him into going out with her.
He told us about this one time, she asked him to go to town with her clubbing. He said, no. She said back, oh, well, I went out with you last week...Bearing in mind that was for his birthday. He said no again, and she actually showed up at his house (they both live in the same small village.) She said she'd walked all the way back from the city to meet him, so he couldn't say no to going out. She also said it was just going to be them...But her boyfriend showed up "coincidentally." They proceeded to leave him all night to kiss and dance, etc, knowing he didn't like social situations.
He then left. That night she called his dad saying that he'd left her all alone in the middle of the city with no way of getting home. Really, it was because her and her boyfriend had broken up again (he says they break up a lot.) His dad loves her, so he got in trouble for it.
He told us that it was the end...That they'd fallen out for good, and I was happy because I'd met her once (for his birthday), and instantly didn't like her. But then he apologized like two days later
He actually believed it was his fault and that he should've told her he was leaving.She even forced him to come early to her house and set-up for this house party she was having. He didn't even want to go in the first place, especially if he couldn't meet us for a drink beforehand. But his dad convinced him to go. He got absolutely pass-out drunk, and she kept saying he could stay at her house, but we under no circumstances were going to let that happen.
Ughhhhh, and now this is happening again and again. She's blackmailing him constantly to go out and do things he doesn't want to do. He won't end it!
When we ask about it he tells us that they've been friends since they were kids and are best friends. He went to the same secondary school because she was going there and he constantly says she was his only friend there. He keeps saying that it's not like that when it's just them and that it never used to be like that. But...So what? It's like that now! He's just being taken advantage of time and time again and he can't even see it.
What the hell can I do to help? If anything...I hate seeing him getting used like this :/ How can I make him see that she's a total bitch?
Oh by the way, before anyone says he likes her, he doesn't. He's gay, actually.
Textbook case of being manipulated by a crazy person with issues. All I can say is try and be there for your friend because once he wises up to the situation he will need good, solid people who care about him to bring him back up and remind him the world isn't all bad.
Original post by Anonymous
But I just feel so bad for him everytime this happens...I don't think he ever will say no and I don't want him to be stuck like this for the rest of his life
I understand it must feel annoying and maybe if you talk to him about it gently it might give him a push, but then again if he really likes her he might take it the wrong way and won't like you bad mouthing her.
Either way, it's him with the final say. No one can actually force him to hang out with her, he just needs to be firm. And for goodness sake, your parents should not dictate who you hang out with, he needs to learn how to stand up for himself.
Original post by brownsugar-xx
I understand it must feel annoying and maybe if you talk to him about it gently it might give him a push, but then again if he really likes her he might take it the wrong way and won't like you bad mouthing her.
Either way, it's him with the final say. No one can actually force him to hang out with her, he just needs to be firm. And for goodness sake, your parents should not dictate who you hang out with, he needs to learn how to stand up for himself.
Either way, it's him with the final say. No one can actually force him to hang out with her, he just needs to be firm. And for goodness sake, your parents should not dictate who you hang out with, he needs to learn how to stand up for himself.
Easier said than done my friend. My mum seems to think that seeing one friend per week is enough for me... I kid you not, if I ask if I can go out with friends, her reply will be "No, you saw so-and-so the other day.", or "You have more important things to do.", or "But you saw them last week!", or if it's the same person, "No, you saw her on ****day."...
Original post by Anonymous
Easier said than done my friend. My mum seems to think that seeing one friend per week is enough for me... I kid you not, if I ask if I can go out with friends, her reply will be "No, you saw so-and-so the other day.", or "You have more important things to do.", or "But you saw them last week!", or if it's the same person, "No, you saw her on ****day."...
Yeah, i understand cause my mums the same
my mum once asked me why i needed to have friends at all...what a nutter. But that's them wanting to control how often you go out not your actual friends - what i mean is they can't force you to hang out with a certain person.Original post by Moosferatu
Textbook case of being manipulated by a crazy person with issues. All I can say is try and be there for your friend because once he wises up to the situation he will need good, solid people who care about him to bring him back up and remind him the world isn't all bad.
Yeah, I'll always be there for him, just hope he can see that
Original post by brownsugar-xx
I understand it must feel annoying and maybe if you talk to him about it gently it might give him a push, but then again if he really likes her he might take it the wrong way and won't like you bad mouthing her.
Either way, it's him with the final say. No one can actually force him to hang out with her, he just needs to be firm. And for goodness sake, your parents should not dictate who you hang out with, he needs to learn how to stand up for himself.
Either way, it's him with the final say. No one can actually force him to hang out with her, he just needs to be firm. And for goodness sake, your parents should not dictate who you hang out with, he needs to learn how to stand up for himself.
We always talk about it, and he just sits silently, only making input to say how she isn't that bad, then to bring up how long they've been friends. I will definitely try talking to him one-on-one.
Original post by Anonymous
Is there really nothing I can do to speed the process along though? I know he's not going to anytime soon
Point out when and the typical situations he should say no in? Ultimately if he's "happy" with how she's treating him, there's not much you can say. Maybe try speaking to the girl, but bear in mind she won't like this.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, I'll always be there for him, just hope he can see that
I wouldn't be too confrontational with the person either. They might be completely batty and willing to destroy you (although that's a worse case scenario). Play it cool. Your friend has you at least.
Original post by ldsbabe
I'm sorry I read up to social anxiety and then I couldn't be bothered.
Does everyone on this board have social anxiety?
Does everyone on this board have social anxiety?
Have a point. I'd never even heard of it until TSR, and now it seems like it's the thing to do.
haha you call this treating him like a slave, damn you must be really soft just like your gay friend. she is actually trying to be a good friend by taking him out, and even though he doesn't like it, it is for his own good if he gets out since he has social anxiety. if anything i'm surprised she is friends with him.
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