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Can you be too honest in relationships?

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Reply 40
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Original post by ChickenMadness
strong troll attempt

thanks
I think you should ALWAYS be honest with people in general. I am always honest and I expect that back from my friends/partners too. You can be honest without being mean or disrespecting feelings too. I consider manipulation/omission disgusting and deceptive too
I think you can definitely be too honest, for example if you think you're girlfriend doesn't look as pretty one day as she did the other what would be the point of saying "oh you don't look as nice as you did yesterday" all it would do is hurt her so there is no need for it.
Original post by Puddles the Monkey
No good can ever come from asking from these kind of questions. Ever.


Its an absolute pity such questions are even asked though sadly it is often asked far too often.

Original post by Puddles the Monkey
When do you think you should hold back...?

Do you think not saying something is the same as being dishonest...?


This is one thing my parents always thought me, money must always be a separate issue in a relationship regardless how wealthy one or both partners are. Therefore, it is absolutely important that you don't reveal your true levels of wealth though if you are in financial trouble you shouldn't have so much pride as to hide it from your partner.

Believe me, long ago when I first started out in life I absolutely despised the idea that finances should be a separate affair, I always thought yuck only someone like my parents could come up with such concepts then it made sense to me when there was some infidelity and it made even more sense when it came to a divorce.

Other times where it is good to hold back? Where outright honesty will cause more damage to the situation or ruin a happy moment for everyone else. Heard of "controlled damage" or "damage control" ? It is an important concept when it comes to relationship. You don't have to be 100% honest in a moment of anger for example where it could just come out wrong or where your partner might not be in a state of mind to accept the truth. There also isn't a need to tell the truth where her knowing the truth would also spoil it for others involved in that moment of time.

Does not telling constitute dishonesty? You could put it that way but as with anything in life you must always think of others but act in your own and children's interest first. If acting in their best interest means not telling the full truth then that is something I won't hesitate to do.

Original post by Over2you
It's a shame it has to be this way. The whole point of a relationship is to be as open as possible. Obviously how open you are depends on the longevity of your relationship, whether you're married etc etc.


I don't live in la-la land :smile: I suppose one will develop such defence mechanisms after a divorce.
Original post by Alfissti
I don't live in la-la land :smile: I suppose one will develop such defence mechanisms after a divorce.


Yh I totally agree. It's understandable why'd you'd have that view. Tbh, it's one of the major reasons I don't get involved in relationships/have extremely high standards.
Reply 45
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miser
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Original post by james1211
Regardless from my point of view conflict avoidance is a good technique in a lot of situations. There's a balance to strike. I feel in response to the OP's actual question, you can absolutely be too honest in a relationship. I know you said you agree with that but even if pressed for the truth i'd never tell my partner they looked fat, it's just not worth it!

I think there's a balance to strike between telling necessary versus unnecessary truths, but I don't think there is a balance to be found between telling truths and mistruths. Lying to people disrespects their maturity and autonomy. I think there is more at stake than people's self-esteem, so I avoid it even if self-esteem may get damaged as a result.
Reply 46
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Original post by miser
I think there's a balance to strike between telling necessary versus unnecessary truths, but I don't think there is a balance to be found between telling truths and mistruths. Lying to people disrespects their maturity and autonomy. I think there is more at stake than people's self-esteem, so I avoid it even if self-esteem may get damaged as a result.

True, you are guaranteed to upset people whichever way you choose, so it makes sense to choose the way you feel better about.
Original post by james1211
Why would you ever tell a woman she looks fat? What do you or her stand to gain from that?


If you cheat on your girlfriend, why tell her, what do you or her stand to gain?
I'm not saying it's the same, just making the point that not all about gain.
Reply 48
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Original post by joker12345
If you cheat on your girlfriend, why tell her, what do you or her stand to gain?
I'm not saying it's the same, just making the point that not all about gain.

What a hopeless comparison.
Original post by SophieSmall
I think you can definitely be too honest, for example if you think you're girlfriend doesn't look as pretty one day as she did the other what would be the point of saying "oh you don't look as nice as you did yesterday" all it would do is hurt her so there is no need for it.


It's about how you say things. If you say 'oh you looked really nice yesterday' you're saying the same thing, without it being hurtful. And when my boyfriend says something like that I ask him what specifically he liked, if it's my hair I might do it like that again did him etc, maybe I'll look at it and think I like it too - there's a lot to gain!
Original post by james1211
What a hopeless comparison.


*sigh*, as I said, I wasn't saying they are the same, simply that it's not always about gain. Why bother with that pointless reply?
Original post by Dinaa
No its best to be 100% honest.


does that mean no surprises ever then? In the sense if they say what is going on, and you reply nothing (as you have a surprise planned). Therefore you've lied...
Original post by joker12345
It's about how you say things. If you say 'oh you looked really nice yesterday' you're saying the same thing, without it being hurtful. And when my boyfriend says something like that I ask him what specifically he liked, if it's my hair I might do it like that again did him etc, maybe I'll look at it and think I like it too - there's a lot to gain!


No I get saying it like that, that's fine or if she asks. It's just people with verbal diarrhoea of honestly saying things like "your face looks a bit chubby today" out of the blue...for no reason.
Reply 53
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Dinaa
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Original post by maths learner
does that mean no surprises ever then? In the sense if they say what is going on, and you reply nothing (as you have a surprise planned). Therefore you've lied...


Ok surprises are fine! :rolleyes:
Original post by Dinaa
Ok surprises are fine! :rolleyes:


:P.
Original post by SophieSmall
No I get saying it like that, that's fine or if she asks. It's just people with verbal diarrhoea of honestly saying things like "your face looks a bit chubby today" out of the blue...for no reason.


Oh okay, yeah I get what you're saying - there's honesty and being unnecessarily mean!
Yes, you can be too honest.

"You can't handle the truth" is highly, highly accurate in most cases. Be as honest as possible but need to have some common sense and understanding of context.
Reply 57
Avatar for Jackass.
Jackass.
You can't have trust within a relationship without honesty, no need to lie to someone you love or you'll just hurt them in the long term when it comes out.
I guess in relationships, a clear line has to be drawn out. There should always be honesty, but some things are better left unsaid unless your SO asks you about it. Though speaking about that, I was told by someone *not naming any names*
that as a girl, you shouldn't really tell the guy how many you slept with, and with who.
Feel free to disagree with that, I think it depends on the situation, but generally, relationships work out better when both parties are honest. Lies only create insecurity and destroys them later on.

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