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"Just be yourself" - why is this bad advice?

I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.
(edited 9 years ago)

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To fit in with friends and to be acceptable to my family.

I genuinely don't know who I really am anymore and I suspect most of us don't know either :redface:

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You are who you are in the here and now lol. People change.
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
To fit in with friends and to be acceptable to my family.

I genuinely don't know who I really am anymore and I suspect most of us don't know either :redface:

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Original post by tehforum
I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.


Because being "yourself" might not be the best thing.

Ie if you are a lazy person feeding off social welfare on a couch. And you go to a dating website to ask how to pick up a girl.

People would reply: "be yourself"

[Then you sit at home and be yourself]
Original post by ChickenMadness
You are who you are in the here and now lol. People change.


Not always. My behaviour is modified depending on who I'm with or who I'm talking to so unless I spend a few weeks in complete isolation, I'm not sure how I naturally behave.

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Probably because 'just being yourself' actually displays a lot of weird things. You know, people generally say this in two areas IMO, when you are going on a date, or in a job interview. I suppose both of these places require you to be honest and forthright about what you do, how you are etc, which is where the line 'be yourself' comes from. However if like me you are a bit weird, this isn't the best advice. I would probably say something more like 'be the best version of yourself you can be' - although this isnt quite as catchy
For the average person, being yourself isn't good enough. It's not going to cut it at the highest level. So 'being yourself' is accepting mediocrity. Why not just try fundamentally changing yourself and improving yourself by using external influences? Surely better than juts accepting your lot and just settling for being useless and ****e.
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tehforum
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Original post by Eva.Gregoria
To fit in with friends and to be acceptable to my family.

I genuinely don't know who I really am anymore and I suspect most of us don't know either :redface:

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See the edit, last line of the OP.
Original post by Wilsoncw1997
Because being "yourself" might not be the best thing.

Ie if you are a lazy person feeding off social welfare on a couch. And you go to a dating website to ask how to pick up a girl.

People would reply: "be yourself"

[Then you sit at home and be yourself]


Yeah, fair enough.

Original post by Phoebe Buffay
Probably because 'just being yourself' actually displays a lot of weird things. You know, people generally say this in two areas IMO, when you are going on a date, or in a job interview. I suppose both of these places require you to be honest and forthright about what you do, how you are etc, which is where the line 'be yourself' comes from. However if like me you are a bit weird, this isn't the best advice. I would probably say something more like 'be the best version of yourself you can be' - although this isnt quite as catchy


I think the last line is what I need to be!
It was the best advice I was ever given. Took me a while to listen and apply it, but it changed my life.
Original post by tehforum
See the edit, last line of the OP.


I'd rather not disclose that.

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Original post by ryan9900
It was the best advice I was ever given. Took me a while to listen and apply it, but it changed my life.


How so?
Being myself led to tons of awkward moments. Honestly, tons. 😔

So, i'd rather put on the facade of a studious student than my awkward true self. But that's just my opinion, though.


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Original post by tehforum
How so?


At school and college, I was surrounded by people who didn't share my interests. To me, they were just a bunch of people that I tried to fit in with to make life a bit easier. I soon realised this might be a sufficient plan for that current time, but I wouldn't be content in a few years time if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. So I started being myself. Now I have big plans, a bright future, and I'm happy.

So, 'Just be yourself', on a personal level at least, is possibly the best advice you can give someone. it won't work for everyone, as it's not something you can do overnight. But the right person in the right mind frame will find it life changing.
Because I am an introvert, who has no interest in anything besides studying,playing Call Of Duty and watching Supernatural.

I don't like talking to people, I don't like smalltalk, I detest extroverts, I hate talking to people who I feel are not worth my time, I hate betas, I hate people who try and fit in, I hate gossips, I hate people who pretend to be something different, I hate lag. Basically I hate everything.

No-one advised me to be myself, I just chose to be who I am and not like the following sheep who live in the shadows of others and peak at high school.

That cover it?

btw did you get that advice from my thread lmao.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by tehforum
I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.


Well firstly, what if you're a dick? Its effectively saying "be a dick".

secondly, its effectively meaningless. Who else are you going to be?

thirdly, it ignores the fact that people can and do change that personalities all the time. If you don't like how you act, change it. Be who you want to be.
Original post by fnatic NateDestiel
Because I am an introvert, who has no interest in anything besides studying,playing Call Of Duty and watching Supernatural.

I don't like talking to people, I don't like smalltalk, I detest extroverts, I hate talking to people who I feel are not worth my time, I hate betas, I hate people who try and fit in, I hate gossips, I hate people who pretend to be something different, I hate lag. Basically I hate everything.

No-one advised me to be myself, I just choose to be who I am and not like the following sheep who live in the shadows of others and peak at high school.

That cover it?

btw did you get that advice from my thread lmao.


oh man I had forgotten how much it sucked to be a teenager until I read this post, now you've reminded me.

Don't worry, life gets better. Try and lose the superiority complex though, it won't help.
Back when I was younger, "be yourself" was one of the worst advices that anyone could have ever given me. Partly because at that moment in time, I had no actual idea who I was. I wanted to fit in, but I wanted not to be a sheep and be an individual at the same time.

Therefore, I would say that that advice is never helpful if you don't know who you are, and even if you do know who you are, being yourself isn't always a good thing.


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Because you need to fit in and not be different.
Original post by cole-slaw
oh man I had forgotten how much it sucked to be a teenager until I read this post, now you've reminded me.

Don't worry, life gets better. Try and lose the superiority complex though, it won't help.


Does it get better though? See I think that unless I am surrounded by peers who have big ambitions and good current ability, that networking with people who I feel are unworthy of my attention is pointless. I feel that there is no need to mingle with the people around me apart from 2 of them, since they won't get me anywhere, and they're not worth wasting time over..

I am not looking for an argument, or witless remarks that are aimed at myself, I am just expressing my opinion.

How do you lose it though, I suspect you have been in a similar position - see I'm not arrogant, I'm just down to earth and realistic and know what I want.
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Mick.w
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Original post by tehforum
I note that this is probably the most mentioned 'worst advice you've ever received', so I wonder why many people think this.

What are the reasons that made you change your personality/looks/body to achieve the desired effect, whatever that may be?

And do you think that desired effect was worth the trade-off of staying true to yourself?

Please add in the thread what 'yourself' was, what the desired effect was, and how you changed yourself to achieve the desired effect.


because being your self just means not worrying about what others think about you.

nobody really knows who they are. knowing who you are is some abstract stupid idea and you'll drive your self crazy trying to figure out what the "real you" is.

people who are unbridled and dont edit their own personal expression often end up getting a harsh reality check. either they experience bullying and abuse in some way shape or form or they can lose chances such as job opportunities or miss out on potentially romantic encounters with the opposite sex.

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