Help me interpret this conversation, please (big summary on pager 5).

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Reply 100

louieee

and then you told her that she likes you too, despite her saying she doesn't want you in her life.

Reply 101

Summerdays

Original post by louieee

it was nice to begin with, but you tried too hard at the unfriend bit. And then it started to seem like she was too mature for you, and that she pitied you. If I were you, I'd leave it for a decent amount of time and then just start talking irl and not online to begin with

I don't think you read the summary.

Reply 102

Summerdays

Original post by louieee

and then you told her that she likes you too, despite her saying she doesn't want you in her life.

Well, she wasn't being honest so I tried to read between the lines. I was most likely wrong, but it isn't as ridiculous as it seems.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 103

louieee

Original post by Summerdays

I don't think you read the summary.

I didn't, I read the actual conversation instead

Reply 104

Summerdays

Original post by louieee

I didn't, I read the actual conversation instead

She would be extremely uncomfortable with me talking to her IRL after what has happened between us. I want to move on but I am in too much pain right now. Just talking to as many people about this situation is making me feel better atm.

Reply 105

Who?Knows

Original post by Summerdays

What do you mean?

Well you just seem overly concerned with the matter for some person that you apparently are not interested in. You've sent her numerous messages and shared delicate matters about yourself with her. You also posted on this forum suggesting that she's not just an acquaintance to you.

Reply 106

James222

Women are crazy we just have to accept that, they do illogical things for unexplained reasons. Nothing to be gained by trying to understand what motivated their decsion making process as all women are different.

Best to go on Holiday,take your mind of things and try and meet other women. If after making a serious attempt with 3 other women, you still cannot forget this girl who you share the INJR whatever personality trait then contact her again but first try OTHER options

Reply 107

Summerdays

Original post by Who?Knows

As I have explained, I did find her attractive and I did flirt. We were never acquaintances, we were just "friends" (I only knew her for 8 days so, hmmm). She wanted it to be more of an acquaintance type relationship... And then everything ended.

Reply 108

Who?Knows

Original post by Summerdays

But that's exactly what I mean by full on. After eight days how could you possibly be close friends you barely know each other and are therefore acquaintances. Sharing such things with her must have been uncomfortable for her.

And as you said above you found her attractive and flirted with her that would make me very uncomfortable if I had a boyfriend and would probably distance myself from them so as not to lead them on. If you have a sexual attraction and she does not it would be a very awkward friendship as you'll always be wanting more and testing the boundaries.

Reply 109

Summerdays

Original post by Who?Knows

I have had friendships with girls that I was attracted to, and they knew it because we used to flirt a lot. But that never ended the friendship. So as long as we set boundaries, I don't see the problem.

Reply 110

Who?Knows

Original post by Summerdays

So? Not every girl is the same. Just because previous girls were willing to entertain such an arrangement doesn't mean she is, you get my drift?

Reply 111

Summerdays

Original post by Who?Knows

So? Not every girl is the same. Just because previous girls were willing to entertain such an arrangement doesn't mean she is, you get my drift?

I never said that she should. I said that just because I flirted initially doesn't mean that we can't be friends, with boundaries attached. Not that any of this matters now... I am just trying to explain myself.

Reply 112

Who?Knows

Original post by Summerdays

True. But if she's uncomfortable with such a thing you'll have to move on. You said above you were confused about why she would act like this and I seriously believe she is just uncomfortable with the situation. Maybe she will relax about it after a while.

Reply 113

Summerdays

Original post by Who?Knows

Any possibility of a friendship or, even, an acquaintanceship is all but dead. She killed it herself. She wanted us to be acquaintances, and, even though I was trying to explain to her why we can be friends, I still accepted the offer of just being acquaintances when I wrote "But anyway, I'll respect it". Then she blocks me and then ends everything with her final message about me being too vulnerable, when really I was just trying to explain to her why I behaved the way I did initially. I don't know what I can learn from this except o never trust gut instincts and to never show emotion for a very long time.

Reply 114

Summerdays

I have to admit... This whole situation has really made me to feel even more inadequate than I did before I even met her (I didn't even think that was possible).

Reply 115

Summerdays

Original post by James222

Thanks. I won't even lie. This whole situation killed me.

Reply 116

James222

Original post by Summerdays

Thanks. I won't even lie. This whole situation killed me.

I wouldnt drastically change your game or not trust your gut. Of Course there is always room for improvement but dont let one incident question your methods.

Its like a football team who are confident in their tactics and training but sometimes luck or a few decisions go against them and they lose the game and are out of the tournament even if they played really well.

Reply 117

Summerdays

Original post by James222

She told me that "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me, not that I won't believe we cannot be friends, it is just experience talking.. quite a lot of it, that made me do this. I have seen people around me get hurt because I have been too kind and nice, continued on to be their friends, when, in fact, they have always wanted a relationship. It has hurt many of my friends and I didn't understand at that time that the best thing was just to let go."

But then she starts dating a 17 year old, that she only knew for 2 months? That doesn't sound right. What she wrote sounds like she is in a long term relationship or very picky. So for people that were saying that she was scared of this happening, I don't think it was the truth.

Reply 118

Spongebob'sPants

Personally, i think you tried to rush/force the friendship a bit.

However, having said all that, what you're feeling right now is not healthy.

I know you're seeking for answers, but sometimes there just arent any logical or reasonable answers. Sometimes we just have to deal with the fact that things didnt work out.

Dont spend your time hoping for some sort of "ah ha!" moment where everything makes sense. With girs, its rarely ever like that (and i dont mean that in a sexist way).

I think you have a lot of your own problems, and you almost used her as some sort of proxy to help solve all your issues. But the reality is, you ought to be spending time on yourself and trying to improve your self-esteem, rather than focusing all your energies on her.

It was an 8 day period, and whilst you may be hurt sh rejected you, i think its time you basically said "F this" and moved on.

Reply 119

Summerdays

Original post by Spongebob'sPants

Everything you said is right, and I fully agree with you. It's just my intense emotions that are getting in the way; if I was in the right state of mind, none of this would matter. It's ridiculous that, 5 months later, I still can't stop thinking about what happened. It's irrational, and I hate it.

I have done a lot of self-improvements within the past two years. I go to the gym very regularly, my social skills are much better, I look better, I know how to interact with people very well etc.. Anything that I set my mind to, I can achieve. But this whole companion idea, that is always on my mind, eludes me.

I think the only plausible way for me to get "answers" is by getting to know her personality (particularly, in person). I am in a mental dilemma where I can't separate "what she could be" with "who she actually is". I was never given a real opportunity to create that distinction of her because, by the time I was just starting to get to know her, everything ended.