Hi guys, I'm new here, and I was just wondering if anyone has any advice about dealing with intense perfectionism at exam results time (I'm really sorry, because I know TSR is brimming over with people asking about results this week...). Basically, I've always been a straight A student. I didn't get anything less than an A in my GCSEs. My perfectionism has always been a part of me, and it's always a positive motivator until something goes 'wrong' (the main thing being that it led me into an eating disorder that I'm still recovering from).
I was right on track to get 4As this year in my AS levels, so was absolutely crushed to open my envelope to see AAAB - this is why I've come here. Most people think I'm being ABSOLUTELY MAD for being disappointed with that. The reason is that I got an A in absolutely every aspect of my subjects (exams and coursework) except my EnglishLit exam...where I got a D. Now, there are many things pointing to this being a mistake by the exam board, such as others in my year being in the same position (top students underachieving), my teacher immediately putting me down for a remark, and the fact that I fully prepared for the exam and found it ultimately okay!
But the perfectionist side of me (the 99% side of me...) knows that it was all my fault. I've never got a D in my entire life. My teachers used my work in English as an example throughout the year. I got As in almost every essay I wrote. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE. And the worst thing is how badly I feel I've let my teachers down. One in particuar had so much faith in me and was sure that her 'top student' would perform outstandingly. Even though I'm not the only one in this situation, I feel like an absolute fraud. It makes my stomach flip every time I think about it. I don't want to face people at school. So much was expected of me.
And it has completely thrown me - I seem to have lost a lot of motivation and I just want to go to sleep to escape. I'm applying to Oxford to study Modern Languages, but I won't be truly happy with my application unless my remark is returned successful (I won't find out for 3 weeks-1month)!
I know this is really long and I love you if you read all of this, but...does anyone have any advice? I'm not a 'straight-A' student any more, and it's absolutely killing me.