Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Original post by x-Disenchanted-x

Thank you Jazzy, I'll have to be brave and tell him. Thank you for always responding and giving me great advice, you've always been such a great help xx

I'm sure he'll understand :smile:

it actually may help your relationship because he'll know why you may be down or get moody sometimes and therefore he can help you if this happens :smile:

any time! x

Reply 7321

doodle_333

Original post by PandaWho

Anyone else really cold when they dont eat properly? :s-smilie:

Really worried my eating is making me cold, ruining my motivation and concentration and destroying me slowly

Posted from TSR Mobile

if your body doesn't have adequate calories to function it isn't going to waste them on heating and concentration and so on, you will also have less body fat to insulate you

Reply 7322

PandaWho

Original post by doodle_333

if your body doesn't have adequate calories to function it isn't going to waste them on heating and concentration and so on, you will also have less body fat to insulate you

Got enough fat to insulate me dont worry.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7323

doodle_333

Original post by PandaWho

Got enough fat to insulate me dont worry.

Posted from TSR Mobile

that's hardly helpful. I was giving you an explanation of why you are cold, both can be the case

Reply 7324

x-Disenchanted-x

Opened up to my mum's friend last night who has recovered from an ED. It was so hard to talk about but she was so helpful.
Tonight I'm going to tell my partner.
Praying he doesn't run off like the last idiot! So scared.
Keep fighting guys :smile:

Reply 7325

Liv1204

Original post by x-Disenchanted-x

Well done for opening up to your mum's friend that night. It is a huge step to try to open up about it. How did it go telling your partner? I hope he was supportive, it's so much easier to fight it when you've got people alongside it. Keep fighting, it will be worth it. xx

-----

So I was admitted as an inpatient on 10th April after my heart rate dropped quite low. I've been on Progression since June, and on Wednesday I was moved onto the Transition stage - unsupervised at mealtimes, and no supervision after meals (on Acute and Progression, supervision is for 30 mins after snacks, and 1 hour after meals), and able to make our own meals and change the menu options if we want to.

I am also being discharged on 8th September, after my CPA. :smile:

I started swimming again a couple of weeks ago, I'm starting back at training (kickboxing) in a couple of weeks, I have made a lot of progress with my social anxiety, and I am returning to my MSc in September too.

I can't say things are amazing - there's still a lot going on in my head, I've still got to reach my target weight (although I am only about 4 weeks off now), and I still struggle with the ED thoughts at times. But I am so much more able to fight it now, things have come so far since April, and I am able to even enjoy some of the things I like now!

Honestly and truly, anyone who is struggling, talk to someone. It will be the best thing you can ever do, and it is worth it. There is so much more to life than this. Things do get better.

Reply 7326

Anonymous #75

Original post by doodle_333

one of the hardest parts is the time you spend looking 'healthy' but really not okay... my 'natural' BMI is more like 23 so I spent a long time really struggling at around 20 with everyone I knew assuming I was fine - you are a long way off normal, but you'll get there :smile:

no one is ever 'ready' to recover, and one of the hardest parts is letting go when you feel like you could have just gone that bit further... but once you get your life back you are able to see you made the right choice

So I took it upon myself to cut down my exercising, as advised. I limited myself to a 5k run but something in my head made me realise that because I was only 'allowed' 5k that I really had to push myself. So I did my 5k at less than 5mins/km and now I've destroyed my knee...
I literally do not know what to do with myself. How can I survive without my daily running?? It's exactly what you said when you hurt yourself and it put you out of action. But I NEED to run!!! I am officially at a loss. Running is a part of who I am and without it, I have no control.

Reply 7327

Mackay

Original post by x-Disenchanted-x

I relapsed HARD the past few months. I'm at a lower weight than I've ever been but enough is enough. Seriously. I'm 23, got my Masters degree and my friends are all happy and engaged or having babies or moving out and I'm stuck in this child's body. I'm done with this. Done.
I want to be healthy.
I know recovery is going to be so hard if I want to do it properly but I'm ready to fight harder than I ever have before. I have a very caring, loving partner but need some advice...do I open up to him and explain that I'm dealing with this? I hate carrying this secret around with me. I feel so alone in recovery. I know my moods will be hell and don't want to ruin things with him or think that he's caused it...anyone got any advice on opening up to partners?
My last long-term relationship was with someone extremely selfish and immature and he dumped me straight after for "being a handful" despite not actually doing anything wrong. I'd supported him every step of the way when he'd got diagnosed with diabetes (I'm diabetic too) but he wouldn't support me in any way.
I know my current partner is nothing like him at all, he's so loving, but I'm so so scared of telling him. Should I say something or keep it quiet?
Hope everyone is doing okay! xx

Legend!

Did you tell him?

I relapsed hard the past couple of months too due to a new job, change in location and stuff. It's taken me a while to get back on track and up to speed so I've made the decision to move in with my parents for a month while I re-feed. Desperately hoping the sweats don't return, though.

Reply 7328

doodle_333

Original post by Anonymous

every runner has time out, every single one gets an injury, it's hard to be logical but remind yourself that continuing to run could stop you forever...

I assume you've got runners knee? so that is probably the result of overtraining on weakened muscle, try and use this as a challenge, keep eating a normal calorie intake without running for a while, show yourself you're still okay and nothing has changed... you feel like you need to run but you DONT, I used to run X miles every single day even if meant getting up at 5am before college and then I couldn't and I was going totally crazy, but remember you're no less of a runner, you're no more out of control, push through and you may find this is the push that helps you sever your exercise addiction

Reply 7329

Anonymous #75

Anyone here been diagnosed with coeliac disease? Or other diet restricting allergies?

Reply 7330

lou2712

Hi, I'm 5'6" & weigh around 119lb which puts me in the healthy weight category and being naturally slim, I never worried too much about my weight.
However lately I've been noticing some obsessive behaviour regarding my food and what I'm allowing myself to eat (ie. chocolate, burgers etc). I want to be healthy but I can feel myself slipping into ED related behaviour which I want, but don't at the same time. At the moment I can look upon my health from an outside perspective and see how ridiculous I am being when I deny myself breakfast or add up calories but I fear being fat so much. I know I'm not and people tell me to put on weight instead of losing it, but when I look at my body in the mirror, I see imperfections which I feel I can fix with a controlled eating regime. I don't like to use the term 'eating disorder' lightly because I know people die and are admitted into hospitals every day from ED's and what I am putting my body through is barely harmful right now, but I feel that if I don't attempt to seek help, I might end up in hospital one day or end up with fertility problems which would be the worst news in the world for me. I think I may be in the early stages of an eating disorder (self-diagnosis of course) due to various behavioural patterns...
I aim for 1000-1500 calories a day which is under the recommended amount for females
One time, I ate half a tup of ice cream and tried to puke it back up (unsuccessfully)
I am defensive when people tell me I am too thin
I avoid chocolate and biscuits and if I do cave, I'll make a mental note
I weigh myself everyday
I feel good when I miss a meal/ achieve minimum calorie intake
I don't see myself as too thin, and am critical of this fat on my body
I love browsing thinspo and it motivates me to have a thigh gap etc

However, saying this, I am still within the healthy BMI range and people wouldn't be alarmed if they saw me. I was just wondering if anyone could help me fix my brain because I do worry about myself sometimes and can't seem to escape this mentality. Thanks for anyone who actually took the time to read this, I understand it's quite lengthy :smile:

Reply 7331

Anonymous #175

Original post by lou2712

Firstly, well done for noticing and admitting that things are not quite right...that is one of the hardest, but most necessary steps to take.
Secondly, don't for one minute think that having an ED means that you have to be a certain weight or BMI. I know plenty of people with diagnosed eating disorders who are a healthy weight, or even slightly over. It is about the thoughts and emotions - an eating disorder is a MENTAL illness, and the physical consequences are merely a side effect. I would urge you to go to your GP and explain how all this. Please get help - the earlier you seek support, the more chance you have of not letting this get out of hand, or becoming too ingrained or debilitating.
All the best,
x

Reply 7332

Anonymous #220

Hey everyone,

I'm a guy of about 5 ft 11, probably weigh about 58 kg now. About 5 months ago I realised I had an eating problem, even though I knew what I doing to myself all along, I just didnt know it was a such a big deal. I would exercise for hours and then eat practically nothing. I sought a bit of counselling and talked to my parents at any time I was feeling anxious. I was, and still am a bit, nervous about going out, worried about my weight, and looking in the reflection is unbearable for me sometimes. I was about 49kg just after Christmas and the ED was very noticable then, a friend showed me a picture of myself and I was basically a skeleton. I think it started because I used to be quite muscular in my teens, always playing sports and just going out a lot. Then I guess I didn't really draw a line between muscle and fat and just considered myself large and in need of weight loss. So I started at the gym at about 18 and it just all went to **** from then. The worst it has been is about 700 calories a day for a month, which I can imagine has not done my body good. Usually thought I've been on about 1400-1500 calories a day not including loss from exercise, but unfortunately that was consistent for about 3 years. Its just been like a long-term diet, and that's all I used to think it was.

I just wanted to ask if anyone has any tips for me in the recovery phase. I still unfortunately have this calories counter in my head that seems to be automatic and it just irritates me. I still get slightly nervous thoughts when I have eaten something either large or of a calories content which I do not know. Will that ever leave me?

Also, I reckon I must still be affected a bit, since even thought I have been putting on weight and I know I need to, I'm not looking forward to the people I know telling me that I have, even if theyre saying that I 'look' better. I also hope that I havent damaged my body too much. I am still going to the gym, but now I'm doing weights instead of excessive cardio. this took over my life for about 3 years, meaning I couldnt enjoy university whatsoever. Have I permanently damaged my body?

Reply 7333

Anonymous #221

I suffered from bulimia on and off for two years really, the bulimia driven by the fear of gaining weight that I had lost prior. People can be real cruel, and I just felt massive amounts of pressure to stay slim, not be weak and be what people say - that he will regain it again. It wasnt just bulimia, it was binge eating disorder too. My life spiralled out of control and I was a total pro at being so secretive...however, my Mum did catch me out about twice in two years and even came to my work one of the times to let me know she knew what I was doing. I even dabbled with laxatives too at one point.
I just want to say that, I have relapsed on occassions in the past after a binge but I am recovered now, I think. I am so much happier and healthier and I did it on my own. I couldnt be more prouder. But I am in no way, suggesting, implying, you shouldnt seek help, I did go see my doctor in November of last year and I said I have problems with eating and he gave me a number to ring to go see someone but after ringing them I decided it wasnt for me. And I set off on the journey of recovery all by myself. In a way I wanted to show myself that I am not weak and I will be so strong I will beat this alone. Everyone is different and I am a Male now im my early twenties, I didnt have "severe" bulimia, whatever that means... Its all bad to me. I had lost all control, and the bulimia was my way of gaining some control but it actually looking back wasnt me taking any control it was me spiralling further away from any control.

I was sick and tired, of being sick and tired. And that in a nutshell was what made me change.

Reply 7334

rushsaysno

Hi, I'm new here and I'm currently suffering from an eating disorder. Does anyone here suffer from/have suffered from bulimia nervosa?

Reply 7335

Team_McDreamy

Original post by rushsaysno

Hi, I'm new here and I'm currently suffering from an eating disorder. Does anyone here suffer from/have suffered from bulimia nervosa?

hiya!
i've never been formally diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder but i have definitely gone through extended periods of bingeing and purging - most of the people I've talked to here seem to have anorexia nervosa although i think there are a few bulimics floating around (although this thread has gone very quiet lately anyway) :smile:

Reply 7336

rushsaysno

Original post by Team_McDreamy

I suffer from the same symptoms, although I only binge once or twice a week. I do try my best to eat regularly but I find it so difficult to resist the urge to binge whenever I'm in that frame of mind where I need to binge. I was referred to an eating disorder clinic back in May but I haven't heard from them since ;(

Reply 7337

Team_McDreamy

Original post by rushsaysno

the first thing i'd say to do is to ask your doctor whats going on with your referral, chase it up, see whats happening! you deserve help, don't let the NHS lose you in their system
i completely understand the feeling - this overwhelming need to eat anything and everything - and one of the things i'd say was most important for me in breaking the cycle was to not only eat enough, but to eat what my body wanted. it's all fine and well eating enough fruit and veg and quinoa and whatever else it is your ED wants you to eat, but if your body wants something cheesy or sweets or chocolate or a burger or whatever, it won't stop until you have it, so you might as well give it what it wants because that way you get to eat yummy food AND work towards avoiding the next binge.

Reply 7338

x-Disenchanted-x

Told him and he's been so supportive, not too overbearing, just sitting with me at mealtimes, gently accepting that sometimes I can't finish but spurring me on when I do. I am slowly gaining weight again. It feels a little easier to have told him and a couple of friends.
I let myself join in with the family and have my first McDonald's in 10 years last week :smile:

Cheers for all your support! Knew I could count on your advice here. I'm always here if anyone needs support too even if I don't log in as much as I used to!

Reply 7339

Anonymous #222

My story may be slightly different but I still want to share. I'm remaining anonymous because I'm still not comfortable with it all.

I have a rocky home life all my life and my relationship with my "friends" have been awful for the last 5 years. I'm a 16 year old guy and I'm in lower 6th at school.
The last few months of 5th year where difficult. I hated my body. I would walk around school with my head down and I struggled going to school. One day in religious studies I had to do a drama thing in front of the class. I was not comfortable with this and I was so embarrassed. During it I heard someone say "he's so ugly" and it killed me inside. I self harmed after and It was such a bad experience. There where experiences before then but that was the start of my problems.

From then, my self confidence plummeted. So this summer I never saw my friends because they had to work or they had to visit their boyfriends/girlfriends so I was left alone. I saw them twice. I became extremely lonely and didn't know what to do. I thought everyone hated me because I was ugly. I eventually began to think I was fat. I'm not fat. I was actually very skinny to begin with. But I just thought I was fat. I would walk around sucking in my stomach constantly and would think "I'm so fat" so many times throughout the day.

I began to exercise 6 days a week and would barely eat. I couldn't accept myself. (I'm also gay but have not accepted it yet). I wanted to be like every other guy in my year. A lot of them where in great shape and I wanted to be like that so I began to eat less and less. I was having a breakdown every day and I was lost. This was the only thing I couldn't control on my life.

I don't have scales in my house so u have no idea what weight I am but I a very unhappy still. When I am upset or angry I would binge eat and then I would feel so guilty that I wouldn't eat for ages or exercise a lot. I don't look in the mirror if I'm getting a shower and i would never go around without wearing a shirt.

I'm obsessed with numbers as well. I constantly read the food labels and if they don't have the percentages on the packet, then I calculate the percentage for myself. When I do cardio, It would tell me how many calories I burn. Even if the calories lost went down by even 1 than normal then I would feel guilty and still feel fat. I'm struggling with eating now as I am back at school but I'm trying to manage.

I don't know if this is actually an eating disorder as I have had. No diagnosis. I've had thoughts of making myself throw up but I haven't yet and I'm trying not to.
I have to do swimming at school now and I'm really nervous about having to go to the pool. I'll feel so exposed and feel like everyone is talking about my weight or how I look..