decided not to go to my interview today, just really don't think I can do a college course right now, sleep is still a mess, mood is fragile, really don't think I can manage a year of intensive learning yet, I don't know if I ever will be able to but I know for sure that right now I can't do it.
maybe next year or something I guess, if I am still around next year, see how life goes I suppose, if it doesn't crush me then maybe I will find a place in this world, though I won't hold my breath.