Taking my Hijab off/Parents Issue Watch

Anonymous #1
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I realize that this is not an Islamic Forum and its precisely why Im asking for advice here because this is not religion-related for me.
Im from Jordan, Ive been wearing the Hijab since 13, I first wore it because my friends were doing so and my mom encouraged me she was more religious back maybe I was too, my point is I dont remember wearing it for the right reasons. So later that year I tried talking my mom into taking it off and she screamed at me and as a teenager I was scared to ever ask again. Taking off the scarf is kind off a big deal in Jordan creates drama in the family, and gives people more to judge you on and even though this means nothing to me it means much for my parents. Im 20 now, and I still occasionally have this Hijab conflict, I dont want to wear it, I want to be able to make such decisions myself. I live in Jordan alone while my family lives abroad due to my fathers work, so I have my freedom here in 2 years I can leave for my postgraduate studies pretty much anywhere I want. Im afraid this issue will make me lose my parents trust, because I love them and I cant deal with that but I also cant live my entire life wearing something that means nothing to me..I find it very hard to start this topic with my family because Im afraid of their reaction, I dont want to worry or disappoint them. Worst case scenario can be that I take it off without their approval and then risk my chances of leaving for my postgraduates, best case scenario is I take it off with minimal disappointment but they will have too deal with the drama too.
Please dont be judgmental and spare me any islamaphobic jokes or comments
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WishIHadRevised
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At the end of the day if you want to wear it you don't have to! It's your choice alone! Just explain to them the reasons why you'd take it off and remember that you're 20 years old and can make decisions for yourself now.
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TheBeautyInTheGeek
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Why did the hijab mean something to you before and nothing now ?

Maybe you just need to rekindle the relationship and see if the flame still burns bright.

Research about the hijab and modesty, because hijab is the whole aura of a woman, from her clothes to her speech, not just the scarf on her head so you may be letting go of more than you want to.


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tazarooni89
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I realize that this is not an Islamic Forum and its precisely why Im asking for advice here because this is not religion-related for me.
Im from Jordan, Ive been wearing the Hijab since 13, I first wore it because my friends were doing so and my mom encouraged me she was more religious back maybe I was too, my point is I dont remember wearing it for the right reasons. So later that year I tried talking my mom into taking it off and she screamed at me and as a teenager I was scared to ever ask again. Taking off the scarf is kind off a big deal in Jordan creates drama in the family, and gives people more to judge you on and even though this means nothing to me it means much for my parents. Im 20 now, and I still occasionally have this Hijab conflict, I dont want to wear it, I want to be able to make such decisions myself. I live in Jordan alone while my family lives abroad due to my fathers work, so I have my freedom here in 2 years I can leave for my postgraduate studies pretty much anywhere I want. Im afraid this issue will make me lose my parents trust, because I love them and I cant deal with that but I also cant live my entire life wearing something that means nothing to me..I find it very hard to start this topic with my family because Im afraid of their reaction, I dont want to worry or disappoint them. Worst case scenario can be that I take it off without their approval and then risk my chances of leaving for my postgraduates, best case scenario is I take it off with minimal disappointment but they will have too deal with the drama too.
Please dont be judgmental and spare me any islamaphobic jokes or comments
What are the "right reasons"?

If it were me in this situation, personally I'd just keep wearing it. If not for the "right reasons", then just for the fact that I wouldn't see the point in ruining my relationship with my family over a piece of cloth. If it meant a lot to them but nothing to me, then I'd just give them what they wanted; I don't lose anything by doing so. Though that's just me
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Scarlettus
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I realize that this is not an Islamic Forum and its precisely why Im asking for advice here because this is not religion-related for me. Im from Jordan, Ive been wearing the Hijab since 13, I first wore it because my friends were doing so and my mom encouraged me she was more religious back maybe I was too, my point is I dont remember wearing it for the right reasons. So later that year I tried talking my mom into taking it off and she screamed at me and as a teenager I was scared to ever ask again. Taking off the scarf is kind off a big deal in Jordan creates drama in the family, and gives people more to judge you on and even though this means nothing to me it means much for my parents. Im 20 now, and I still occasionally have this Hijab conflict, I dont want to wear it, I want to be able to make such decisions myself. I live in Jordan alone while my family lives abroad due to my fathers work, so I have my freedom here in 2 years I can leave for my postgraduate studies pretty much anywhere I want. Im afraid this issue will make me lose my parents trust, because I love them and I cant deal with that but I also cant live my entire life wearing something that means nothing to me..I find it very hard to start this topic with my family because Im afraid of their reaction, I dont want to worry or disappoint them. Worst case scenario can be that I take it off without their approval and then risk my chances of leaving for my postgraduates, best case scenario is I take it off with minimal disappointment but they will have too deal with the drama too. Please dont be judgmental and spare me any islamaphobic jokes or comments
Hi! I'm 17 and i also wear hijab... Its been 2 years since i've been doing so and now i feel like i would never take it... Sure it is sometimes a little troubling and time-consuming to wear it but at the end of the day i feel proud that i wear hijab ..... But if you are feeling like you are being forced to wear it, then i dont see why you should do it.... I mean we wear hijab to please our god, not our parents..... Anyways i hope u find a solution
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by WishIHadRevised)
At the end of the day if you want to wear it you don't have to! It's your choice alone! Just explain to them the reasons why you'd take it off and remember that you're 20 years old and can make decisions for yourself now.
Yesterday I had the talk with mom, and she doesn't agree. Islamically she feels obligated and responsible for her kids and she feels like the least she can do is put pressure on us to do our religious obligations. She says she'll never approve of this the only way I can take it off is with her disapproval and I cant do that because I care about her, if I fight to take it off I might lose a lot. I don't know how long it might take until she accepts that. But still the urge to make this decision wont leave, its about the concept behind this, me CHOOSING to wear it or not, I know its just a headscarf. My problem is with the concept rather than the piece of fabric... *sigh* Im just too confused
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by tazarooni89)
What are the "right reasons"?

If it were me in this situation, personally I'd just keep wearing it. If not for the "right reasons", then just for the fact that I wouldn't see the point in ruining my relationship with my family over a piece of cloth. If it meant a lot to them but nothing to me, then I'd just give them what they wanted; I don't lose anything by doing so. Though that's just me
The right reasons are many.. first of all religious reasons, doing this to please god above all and this needs a level of spirituality that I am far from reaching at the moment
Other reasons such as modesty, which is a concept I believe in as well. Since women are being objectified and I am a feminist so Hijab can make people see you less as an object and more as a person.. But I also believe that this can be achieved with modesty alone, in actions/ the way you dress/ the way you speak and it is not necessary achieved by a head cover. I know I wont lose much but I hate the concept of wearing something out of will, it is suffocating somehow
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheBeautyInTheGeek)
Why did the hijab mean something to you before and nothing now ?

Maybe you just need to rekindle the relationship and see if the flame still burns bright.

Research about the hijab and modesty, because hijab is the whole aura of a woman, from her clothes to her speech, not just the scarf on her head so you may be letting go of more than you want to.


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I agree with u, I know this might seem somehow contradicting but I really understand what u say by: 'letting go of more than you want to'
Only its been 7 years I had it on, so I did try to do several times again... It gets tiring to try and fail time and time again
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Sameera97
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Explain your frustrations to your parents, ultimately, like everything else, it's your choice and if you dont wan't to take it off to upset you parents then maybe research the hijab thoroughly and rekindle your relationship with it, like others are saying. The hijab does represent something truly beautiful and if you let yourself fall in love with it, it could make things a lot easier. Remember, your motivation doesn't need to be religious, you can wear the hijab according to how you interpret it and so while might interpret it religiously, you can use it as a symbol of feminism and empowerment. It can give you a strong identity.

Once again though, don't feel obliged to wear it. I understand this is hard for you because on one hand you dont want to upset your parents but on the other hand its something that's your choice. If wearing it bothers you a lot and you feel really passionate about it, I suggest talking with your parents about it thoroughly and explain to them that they haven't failed in their parental duties religiously because you are a complete and full human being striving towards bettering yourself and being more true to yourself. Maybe use the old guilt trip technique, "if you loved me, you'd want what would make me happy."

Good luck and hope things become clearer :')
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BabyChow)
I'm a new hijabi, born Muslim, never really had any sort f religious upbringing though and after research i fell in love with why modesty exsists and is needed as a women living in this dunya.

However personally i believe it is your choice. No one should ever feel like they are forced to wear hijab. The one piece of advice i would give you much like the girl above is to not ruin your relationship with your family over a piece of cloth. If i was ever in your position i would just keep it on.
Thank you for ur reply God bless you Im glad you found your way.. I replied to similar answers above please check them
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tazarooni89
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The right reasons are many.. first of all religious reasons, doing this to please god above all
Are you actually religious yourself, or are you just "religious" in the sense that you were born into a religious family? Do you actually believe in God, and do you believe that wearing a hijab will please him? (If so, surely keeping it is naturally the obvious thing to do i.e. putting his will above yours?)

and this needs a level of spirituality that I am far from reaching at the moment
What exactly do you mean by this? What level of "spirituality" does it need?
I don't really understand why it needs this. To me it seems as simple as "I believe God told me to put this item of clothing on, so I did".

Other reasons such as modesty, which is a concept I believe in as well. Since women are being objectified and I am a feminist so Hijab can make people see you less as an object and more as a person.. But I also believe that this can be achieved with modesty alone, in actions/ the way you dress/ the way you speak and it is not necessary achieved by a head cover. I know I wont lose much but I hate the concept of wearing something out of will, it is suffocating somehow
I suppose it just depends on what you hate more. Ruining your relationship with, and displeasing your family (and God, if you believe in him), or wearing an item of clothing even though you don't really want to.

Personally I don't see why the latter is such a big deal, or what's so suffocating about it. I mean, like you said, you don't lose anything.
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WishIHadRevised
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(Original post by tazarooni89)
What are the "right reasons"?

If it were me in this situation, personally I'd just keep wearing it. If not for the "right reasons", then just for the fact that I wouldn't see the point in ruining my relationship with my family over a piece of cloth. If it meant a lot to them but nothing to me, then I'd just give them what they wanted; I don't lose anything by doing so. Though that's just me
I'm sorry but parents cannot live through a child! If she doesn't want to wear it she doesn't have to! This is the 21st century and women do have a right to clothe themselves and not cave in to the whims of others!

(Original post by Anonymous)
Yesterday I had the talk with mom, and she doesn't agree. Islamically she feels obligated and responsible for her kids and she feels like the least she can do is put pressure on us to do our religious obligations. She says she'll never approve of this the only way I can take it off is with her disapproval and I cant do that because I care about her, if I fight to take it off I might lose a lot. I don't know how long it might take until she accepts that. But still the urge to make this decision wont leave, its about the concept behind this, me CHOOSING to wear it or not, I know its just a headscarf. My problem is with the concept rather than the piece of fabric... *sigh* Im just too confused
Realistically I think that if you don't want to wear this headscarf then you don't have to! Your parents shouldn't be forcing you into doing something that clearly makes you unhappy! Maybe she should realise that making you wear a piece of cloth on your head doesn't make her a better Muslim! You need to think about what makes you happy and if your family can't accept that then I think they need to open their minds. You're 20 now and you can do what you want now! I really feel for you in this situation and I hope everything gets better! Remember there are loads of women in similar situations to this and there is always someone to talk to!
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tazarooni89
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(Original post by WishIHadRevised)
I'm sorry but parents cannot live through a child! If she doesn't want to wear it she doesn't have to! This is the 21st century and women do have a right to clothe themselves and not cave in to the whims of others!
Of course women have a right to clothe themselves. I'm simply offering a suggestion as to how best to exercise that right in a way that will make her happiest, on the assumptions that: (1) Removing the headscarf will damage her relationship with her family, and (2) She values her relationship with her family more than the breeze in her hair.
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WishIHadRevised
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(Original post by tazarooni89)
Of course women have a right to clothe themselves. I'm simply offering a suggestion as to how best to exercise that right in a way that will make her happiest, on the assumptions that: (1) Removing the headscarf will damage her relationship with her family, and (2) She values her relationship with her family more than the breeze in her hair.
To be honest I think the hijab debate is more about 'the breeze in her hair'. Not wearing a hijab is showing more of yourself to the world and giving yourself more freedom.

If the hijab means nothing to her, as it does for many people, why wear it? To please her mother who obviously isn't thinking of her daughter's wishes first but about what someone else might want. Doesn't make any sense to me.
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tazarooni89
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(Original post by WishIHadRevised)
To be honest I think the hijab debate is more about 'the breeze in her hair'. Not wearing a hijab is showing more of yourself to the world and giving yourself more freedom.
I don't particularly see how it's giving yourself more freedom. What does a hijab stop you from being free to do?

True, without a hijab, you are showing more of yourself to the world. So the question is, which is more important to the OP; her relationship with her family, or the fact that people can see her hair.

If the hijab means nothing to her, as it does for many people, why wear it? To please her mother who obviously isn't thinking of her daughter's wishes first but about what someone else might want. Doesn't make any sense to me.
It doesn't really matter whether it makes sense to you, it matters whether it makes sense to the OP, because she's the one I suggested it to.
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TheBeautyInTheGeek
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(Original post by WishIHadRevised)
To be honest I think the hijab debate is more about 'the breeze in her hair'. Not wearing a hijab is showing more of yourself to the world and giving yourself more freedom.

If the hijab means nothing to her, as it does for many people, why wear it? To please her mother who obviously isn't thinking of her daughter's wishes first but about what someone else might want. Doesn't make any sense to me.
Why should showing your body = Freedom, or be the main way to express it.

Surely it is equivalent freedom to guard your goods from prying eyes.


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TheBeautyInTheGeek
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Some of these comments are making her Mother sound like she's forcing her daughter to drink bleach or eat raw meat.

I 100% believe you shouldn't to be forced to wear the hijab and should be in love with it if you do, but her Mother is ultimately just asking her daughter to guard her modesty, it may seem old fashioned but her intentions are pure.

Some implying that she doesn't love/respect your wishes are a bit harsh.
Since your dad isn't as worried it doesn't sound like you come from an overly strict household, but more that your mum just genuinely cares and worries as all mothers do. Perhaps the hijab is her way of having rest of mind that you are safe when she's not even in the same country.

You should only question her love for you if she was the kind of mother who pressured you to loose weight (even if your health was fine) or dye your hair to be more attractive, as I have seen many mothers do.
At this point it may not only be about religion, but that she knows you're beautiful and (assuming you also dress modestly and it's not just the scarf as I think you said) doesn't want guys to fantasise or lust after you in their heads like a piece of meat.

I think you sort of already know that, and that's why you're not angry at her and just a little confused.

Also, in a religious concept perhaps she just wants you to be the best Muslim you can be and wearing the hijab is part of the religious commitment ...
After all, look what happened when people pick and choose what parts of Islam they will follow and what parts they don't want to do because of the way people might view it.

I can't remember which Sheyk said this, but it was in a video I watched on YouTube. He said don't let society get you down, but once you start wearing the hijab only move forward in modesty, not backwards. So if you started covering your hair with a turban then progressed to full hijab, don't go backwards and lessen the state you have reached, rather stay on that state if you cannot progress forward so your morals aren't underminded.


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WishIHadRevised
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(Original post by TheBeautyInTheGeek)
Why should showing your body = Freedom, or be the main way to express it.

Surely it is equivalent freedom to guard your goods from prying eyes.


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Maybe OP doesn't want to be restricted in her clothing choices just because of a religious view which things a woman's purity has to be protected by a scarf... very logical way of thinking eh.



(Original post by tazarooni89)
I don't particularly see how it's giving yourself more freedom. What does a hijab stop you from being free to do?

It doesn't really matter whether it makes sense to you, it matters whether it makes sense to the OP, because she's the one I suggested it to.
Is she truly free, and therefore having full 100% access to freedom and all which it entails, if she can't even choose what she can wear? Yeah, didn't think so.

Also she's asking for advice. Obviously she wants people's opinions and I am going to give my opinion and therefore say whether I think an argument makes sense or not.
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tazarooni89
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(Original post by WishIHadRevised)
Is she truly free, and therefore having full 100% access to freedom and all which it entails, if she can't even choose what she can wear? Yeah, didn't think so.
Of course she does. She has a choice between prioritising the relationship with her family, and prioritising her lack of hijab, and which one she picks is entirely up to her. I don't know which is more important to her, but I guess for most people it's probably their relationship with their family.

A lack of freedom is when you have no choice in the matter.

It's unfortunate that she can't remove her hijab and fully maintain good relationships with the family, but that's just a constraint of the problem at hand.

Also she's asking for advice. Obviously she wants people's opinions and I am going to give my opinion and therefore say whether I think an argument makes sense or not.
Ok, well in that case I'll say that I don't think you've thought your argument through to completeness, and are simply advising her to protest against her family on principle, without considering which option gives the most preferable final result.
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WishIHadRevised
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(Original post by tazarooni89)
Of course she does. She has a choice between prioritising the relationship with her family, and prioritising her lack of hijab, and which one she picks is entirely up to her. I don't know which is more important to her, but I guess for most people it's probably their relationship with their family.

A lack of freedom is when you have no choice in the matter.

It's unfortunate that she can't remove her hijab and fully maintain good relationships with the family, but that's just a constraint of the problem at hand.

Ok, well in that case I'll say that I don't think you've thought your argument through to completeness, and are simply advising her to protest against her family on principle, without considering which option gives the most preferable final result.
Personally I don't consider it full freedom of choice when your mother tries to bullies you into making a decision but hey that's just me.
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