Still can’t get over bullying on my degree

A girl called me fat; another one told me that my hair was falling out; another called me ugly on Facebook; Another screamed at me in front of everyone in the canteen. In my class I was isolated: Noone would sit next to me in class; they would go the canteen without me; they would invite everyone in the class to a part and exclude me; They would give me AWFUL marks on my presentation; They would invite everyone to parties the course arranged and exclude me..
Some of them wouldn’t even have me on Facebook. None of them bothered to help me when I was struggling. One of them snapped at me for coughing near him when I wasn’t anywhere near and was covering my mouth.
Graduated three years ago and still upset.....

What they did was indeed horrible and unacceptable... but three years on? Come on, it's time to move on :smile:

Maybe confronting them will help? I'm not sure, but three years on I still don't think you need to be so bothered, surely? Btw, I've been bullied so I know how it feels. Life in general gets better :smile:

Reply 21

Toaster Leavings

17

Original post by Carpe Vinum

Damn

you'd think that kind of behaviour would be left behind in secondary school or at least sixth form.

I suppose it is what happens when you let thick people into University.

Reply 22

Meek&Mild

9

Rather disgusted this happened at a University. Shocking that they allow such shallow minded, nasty people into university too.

Reply 23

ehunter5

I can understand how this is still bothering you 3 years on, I think painful memories like that leave their mark and it can be difficult to rebuild your confidence and to know who the right people are to turn to for help when you have had such a damaging experience with people in the past. I wanted to take this opportunity to share my story on here, as it is something that has been bothering me highly the whole time through university, and I can't help thinking back to it now I have left and moved away. I found the people at uni the hardest part of the whole experience. The sexual competition between students, the bitching and gossip that gets thrown around and generally exposure to such a broad range of people you have never come in to contact with before. It can be hard to find yourself, and at the young age when you first go to university, who really does know who they are enough not to let all this affect them? I started out confident, with the idea that you should just be nice to everyone, because we all have our own story, so we should all get on. My problem was that I thought everyone else was nice...university showed me that they're not. I would have thought at university the people would be mature and intelligent so none of the cliqueyness would have existed at the university environment. My faith in people was shaken when I made friends wight he wrong crowd and became seriously hurt by one girl who suffered badly from depression. She had been my close friend, and then stopped talking to me and started to spread things about me when she was depressed. I didn't know how to handle this, and I couldn't take someone being horrible because I had never experienced it before. This hugely damaged my self confidence and my confidence in other people....I had another close friend who I found difficult. In the past I would have thought that you still stay friends, because if you are friends it involved give and take. But after that other person was horrible to me, I didm't have the strength to keep supporting someone else so difficult. SO I stopped being friends with her. All of her friends turned on me and one boy in particular who is a true bully spread horrible rumours about me across the whole university. He has made people stop talking to me. He has made me feel unattractive and worthless by bitching about me to the boys on campus, so none of them would fancy me any more. I don't really know this person at all and he obviously has huge insecurities to feel the need to do this as I didn't actually do anything wrong, I ended a friendship which is a difficult thing to do at the best of times and he has nothing to do with that situation and knows nothing about it. It seriously knocked me at a time when I felt very vulnerable and I just needed someone to put their arms around me and tell me everything is ok. But now I don't know who to trust and I feel I'm not the person I used to be because I have reacted so strongly to other people in order to stop myself from being hurt again, like I was by that first girl. The rumours now are being spread by boys. I am a girl and I feel very intimidated by the whole experience. I don't have a boy on my side, and that's what would make me feel better. But he has turned them against me on a big scale. I am worried for my future now. What if I ever come across these people in work in the future? I feel weakened when I already was feeling weak. I am now away from the university and I have moved back home, but the stress of this made me unable to focus on my dissertation and I had to get an extension so I didn't graduate with everyone on my course, I will be graduating later this year. I don't feel I can be my original self and be nice to everyone when I know how horrible some people can be now. I have lost who I am and that's the hardest thing to cope with.

Reply 24

Raindrops-

Just out of interest which course were you doing?
My uni is generally a nice place but the people in my course can get cliquey
Everyone has their own seats in the lecture hall.
Seriously, if I sat in someone else's seat or on someone else's row I'd receive a funny look. That's how pathetic it can be.

Reply 25

TolerantBeing

2

Original post by godd

I found people in university to be a hell of lot more respectful. Everyone talks to everyone, you shake someones hand when you meet them. I mean I don't think I ever saw anyone get bullied in my undergrad or postgrad.

Bullying did happen in secondary school though, I witnessed that. But I don't remember it ever happening in university.

Shake people's hand on meeting? What uni is that?

Reply 26

Made in Tyrone

Original post by barneystin

are you sure it wasnt just banter?

You sound like one of the bullies, hiding behind your insults with the word banter.

Reply 27

Made in Tyrone

Original post by Anonymous

A girl called me fat; another one told me that my hair was falling out; another called me ugly on Facebook; Another screamed at me in front of everyone in the canteen. In my class I was isolated: Noone would sit next to me in class; they would go the canteen without me; they would invite everyone in the class to a part and exclude me; They would give me AWFUL marks on my presentation; They would invite everyone to parties the course arranged and exclude me..
Some of them wouldn’t even have me on Facebook. None of them bothered to help me when I was struggling. One of them snapped at me for coughing near him when I wasn’t anywhere near and was covering my mouth.
Graduated three years ago and still upset.....

I went through the same thing during my Foundation Year up North. I was isolated for 8 months, with barely anyone to talk and without any courage to even leave my room only to go to my lectures.

My mental and physical health literally went down the drain.

Bullies will pick on you because A) they've noticed your sensitive B) they're jealous of you.

As soon as you realise this, you'll be able to laugh it off and move on.

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Raindrops-

Just out of interest which course were you doing?
My uni is generally a nice place but the people in my course can get cliquey
Everyone has their own seats in the lecture hall.
Seriously, if I sat in someone else's seat or on someone else's row I'd receive a funny look. That's how pathetic it can be.

Birmingham BMedSc

Original post by Made in Tyrone

I went through the same thing during my Foundation Year up North. I was isolated for 8 months, with barely anyone to talk and without any courage to even leave my room only to go to my lectures.

My mental and physical health literally went down the drain.

Bullies will pick on you because A) they've noticed your sensitive B) they're jealous of you.

As soon as you realise this, you'll be able to laugh it off and move on.

I don't believe they were jealous. They knew I was thick as ****..

Reply 29

Made in Tyrone

Original post by Anonymous

Birmingham BMedSc

I don't believe they were jealous. They knew I was thick as ****..

You couldn't be thick if you got into Birmingham.

They might of been jealous of something else you might have.

Reply 30

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Made in Tyrone

You couldn't be thick if you got into Birmingham.

They might of been jealous of something else you might have.

But i was getting the lowest marks in the year... In contrast with everyone else, I was thick as hell..

Reply 31

Temporality

17

Original post by Anonymous

But i was getting the lowest marks in the year... In contrast with everyone else, I was thick as hell..

Maybe you weren't thick as hell but you were feeling really put out by how other people or life was making you feel and that affected your work. Med science at Birmingham really does imply you are smart regardless of how you did on the course. You obviously had low self esteem at the time amd that wouldd have effected your work but dont let people make you feel like youre not smart when you obviously are. Equally there were people at my uni a top Russell group that would happily bully others and I was victimised but admittedly not as severely as you. Poor you that must have been terrible. I always saw this behaviour as incredibly immature - people projecting all their securities onto one victim to make themselves feel better. The people who start the bullying and the main culprits are usually incredibly insecure and the rest that latch onto the bullying do so usually because they are too scared to stand up - if they did that, they risk losing their own sense of security socially. If they stand up for you then they too will become alienated and they fear this so their herd mentality here is a form of cowardice. Having been a victim of bullying and social isolation at various stages of my life I can empathise and I would be curious to know what aspects of yourself you are finding it hard to accept at the moment. Is it your physical appearance or does it go deeper? Feel free to personal message me

(edited 9 years ago)

Still can’t get over bullying on my degree

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