Just Found Out The Guy I Like Has A Girlfriend :(

Who hasn't done this?! It really sucks but I don't think it'll always be like that...

I know, but it just keeps happening to me all the time... There was an awful time when I told a guy who had a girlfriend (whom I didn't know about) at uni as well. He was really pitying/patronising to me after that, and told all his mates, who treated me with scorn as well

I tend to be one of those "take initiative" girls guys supposedly like (i.e. one who expresses interest subtly rather than just letting interested guys chase her) but maybe I'll just give up on that now. I am so tired and sick of this all.

Don't invest too much before you've even been out on a date with someone. This is the kind of thing teenagers do, which isn't meant to be an insult, it's because you've never had a relationship before. You have a fair bit of catching up to do, forget about him and date other people instead. Your confidence will improve and you'll fall in love only with people who it's reasonable to fall in love with.

dating sites?

Awww, I'm sorry.
Cheer up!
You're a strong, independent and intelligent that doesn't need a man; stable enough for survival. You'll find the one when he realises how special you are.
Don't worry, life sucks.

Not sure about the whole dating sites thing, I'm scared of putting my pictures online unless it's on something relatively private like FB I've heard horror stories about online dating too, will consider it though thanks



Yeah, you're probably right thanks If I'm being honest and objective, the guy I like right now is a bit of a prick too (he looks down on people who don't fit his hipster mould or whom he considers "stupid", can be really cold and judgmental and the way I hear him speak to the secretary at our workplace is horrible). I think he might know I fancy him based on the way we spoke last time though. That pisses me off.

No insult taken, I see what you mean. Thanks for the great advice

I'm actually ridiculously busy at work (I even get the odd guy - albeit always the hoodie type - hitting on me when I'm out in public or something) which is making me stressed (I haven't had a good night's sleep in months and my manager is pushing me like hell) and leaves me no time for a relationship, at least for the next couple of months.

The reason I didn't date at all as a teenager/at uni wasn't because of my looks/awkwardness/common problems (I actually had a lot of friends in school), but because of an abusive family (physically abusive dad, emotionally abusive mum and siblings) whom I was terrified of at home and didn't feel confident enough to tell everyone about. It was more important for me to ensure that I had a good job/education so I never had to go back home because of money than to date. But I feel like I missed out on a lot as a kid and I'm still missing out now. I feel like guys can tell there's something different about me and would rather date all the "normal" girls

I'm stressed about my family situation too. I am planning to cut off contact with them in the next few months as every time they call it's hell

You're probably just attracted to *******s I used to know a girl like that who just keeps on ending up in abusive relationships lol.

Thanks , but I still haven't found "the one" yet, and I feel more weird because of my childhood background than normal in any way like the girls whom the guys I like always end up dating instead of me. As I explained to Scrotgrot, I feel like I've missed out on so much because I've had to be really independent when a kid/at uni and still am.

I don't know what to do

Normal girls are boring, very often spoilt and vapid. In fact, having read your post, I looked back, and I've always ended up with ones who'd had to overcome something major in their lives. I hate to commoditise suffering but I guess they are more grounded and stronger people. For your part I don't suppose you'd be happy in a relationship with the sort of guy who would go for "normal" girls.

You're thinking too short-term. It's likely that you'll only be paying your dues in the job until such time as someone new gets hired or promoted and all the grunt work gets dumped on them. Sounds like you have some stuff to sort out over the next few months between work, cutting off your family and building a network in London; don't get hung up on relationships, it's best that they come when your situation is more stable, and you have more time to give.

TBH, apart from the two I've mentioned every guy I've liked has been a nerdy "nice guy." I'm aware that some women are unfortunately attracted to the nasty sorts, but in general that isn't me. I would definitely say I go for nerds, though. The guy in question is a PhD student.

He is also 5"3 (I am taller than him in heels), quite skinny and just does cardio, wears coloured (red/yellow etc.) skinny jeans with hipster odd-looking trainers and has a hipster hairstyle too with a massive fringe (I actually wondered if he was gay for a bit). So not my usual physical type at all lol. I am trying to use that to get over him. Never fancied a guy so short/skinny before (without sounding biased).

Don't worry, I'm the same myself but I'm 14.
You may not have realized it yet, but you're unique, believe it or not.
The 'one' is a story all little girls were told to make them feel great.
You're a grown woman. man or no man, you are amazing without them; you do not need a man, it is not compulsory in our culture.
Life lesson taught, always remember that.