Boyfriend wants me to lose weight
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Original post by laurenkl
Dump him, he should be dating you for you. There are better people out there who deserve you more I'm sure.
Stupid response.
Nothing wrong in wanting your partner to be as healthy as they can be.
The OP asked for and received an honest response.
Original post by Anonymous
I recently asked my boyfriend to be honest with me with how he feels about me. He told me that he would quite like me to change meaning to lose weight but yet still says I am beautiful, I know I asked him to be honest but it's quite upsetting hearing that he isn't happy with how I look, what should I do?
either lose weight, only if you want to or feel the need, or quite simply ditch him if you think he's not worth your time - good luck
Depends how much weight we're talking, if it's a few pounds and you're still a healthy weight then it sounds like he's being unreasonable. If it's a lot of weight, or you're unhealthy then it's completely understandable. A relationship requires both parties to be attracted to each other, if you started out slim then piled on the pounds then he may feel like he was slightly duped. If he doesn't find you attractive anymore then he really shouldn't still be with you, however it seems that as he does love you he is asking you if you can make a change for him.
All those people saying to dump him because you deserve someone who thinks you're perfect the way you are... Get your heads out of Disney Princess land. People have to make an effort to stay fit, healthy and attractive. It's not fair to tell someone they can remain a slob and still expect a high quality prince charming who will dote on them. It's unrealistic. Some people expect too much. You've got to make an effort yourself too.
All those people saying to dump him because you deserve someone who thinks you're perfect the way you are... Get your heads out of Disney Princess land. People have to make an effort to stay fit, healthy and attractive. It's not fair to tell someone they can remain a slob and still expect a high quality prince charming who will dote on them. It's unrealistic. Some people expect too much. You've got to make an effort yourself too.
Well it's question of tact isn't it - and tact is the consciousness of what might be hurtful and the foresight to think through the likely reaction.
Anyone who is asked a question such as this needs to think before they open their mouth.
The golden rule is if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
She was asking for reassurance not the literal, truthful reply she got. He needs lessons in social skills and the understanding that truth is not all it's cracked up to be.
Anyone who is asked a question such as this needs to think before they open their mouth.
The golden rule is if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
She was asking for reassurance not the literal, truthful reply she got. He needs lessons in social skills and the understanding that truth is not all it's cracked up to be.
You know if you're overweight or not. If you are, you have to make a lifestyle choice - live with it or lose weight.
Trust me, I do understand what it feels like for people to judge you on appearance. However, they will always do so - it's natural, and I'm sure you do it too. Your boyfriend likes you, or he wouldn't be with you, and he respects you enough to be truthful. There are many situations where I desperately wish people would be truthful, because not knowing is far worse.
Rationality does not, of course, overcome human emotion. However, this won't be the last time you find out an opinion that upsets you. It's a very good idea to start working on an inner equilibrium, whereby you know your own faults and attributes and you know what you want in life and where you stand. This doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to constructive criticism - quite the opposite - but it means that you should build a solid foundation so that one person's opinion can't knock you down. It's all a natural part of growing up. It will get easier.
Trust me, I do understand what it feels like for people to judge you on appearance. However, they will always do so - it's natural, and I'm sure you do it too. Your boyfriend likes you, or he wouldn't be with you, and he respects you enough to be truthful. There are many situations where I desperately wish people would be truthful, because not knowing is far worse.
Rationality does not, of course, overcome human emotion. However, this won't be the last time you find out an opinion that upsets you. It's a very good idea to start working on an inner equilibrium, whereby you know your own faults and attributes and you know what you want in life and where you stand. This doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to constructive criticism - quite the opposite - but it means that you should build a solid foundation so that one person's opinion can't knock you down. It's all a natural part of growing up. It will get easier.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I recently asked my boyfriend to be honest with me with how he feels about me. He told me that he would quite like me to change meaning to lose weight but yet still says I am beautiful, I know I asked him to be honest but it's quite upsetting hearing that he isn't happy with how I look, what should I do?
Your being oversensitive due to woman logic.
He never said he's not happy with the cake, he simply wants the icing on top.
Original post by laurenkl
Dump him, he should be dating you for you. There are better people out there who deserve you more I'm sure.
You sound like you have recently been dumped.
Posted from TSR Mobile
You asked him to be honest, so he was. 
It seems like he does truly care about you because he did tell you his honest opinion, whilst reassuring you. What else do you want? Hopefully, you're not underweight otherwise that would be terrible. I think everybody should be active and try to minimise body fat%/ tone up and look healthy, so don't take it as an insult. So you have two options:
1) Lose weight
or
2) Eat him
It seems like he does truly care about you because he did tell you his honest opinion, whilst reassuring you. What else do you want? Hopefully, you're not underweight otherwise that would be terrible. I think everybody should be active and try to minimise body fat%/ tone up and look healthy, so don't take it as an insult. So you have two options:
1) Lose weight
or
2) Eat him
Original post by pickup
Well it's question of tact isn't it - and tact is the consciousness of what might be hurtful and the foresight to think through the likely reaction.
Anyone who is asked a question such as this needs to think before they open their mouth.
The golden rule is if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
She was asking for reassurance not the literal, truthful reply she got. He needs lessons in social skills and the understanding that truth is not all it's cracked up to be.
Anyone who is asked a question such as this needs to think before they open their mouth.
The golden rule is if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
She was asking for reassurance not the literal, truthful reply she got. He needs lessons in social skills and the understanding that truth is not all it's cracked up to be.
This is the sort of thing that leads to those "female logic" jokes. So what you're saying is she's lying, in saying she wants an honest answer. He then tells the truth, which is bad, he should lie too. Do you see why we get confused? People always say "talk it through", but what's the point when you're seen a dick if you don't lie?
If a girl says "how do I look?" I'll say "good". If she says "honestly, how do I look?", I'll give an honest answer. Why specify you want an honest answer if you don't want one? I try to be quite a straight forward person, I don't think that's a bad thing.
Provided you're in a position where losing weight would be healthy, my advice would be to lose weight. You'll be happier and feel more attractive again.
But whether you choose to or not, I think you should be glad you have a boyfriend who will tell you the truth, even when he knows it might be hard to say or to hear.
I agree with this. "White lies" like these just cover up deeper problems by encouraging miscommunication.
But whether you choose to or not, I think you should be glad you have a boyfriend who will tell you the truth, even when he knows it might be hard to say or to hear.
Original post by Mankytoes
This is the sort of thing that leads to those "female logic" jokes. So what you're saying is she's lying, in saying she wants an honest answer. He then tells the truth, which is bad, he should lie too. Do you see why we get confused? People always say "talk it through", but what's the point when you're seen a dick if you don't lie?
If a girl says "how do I look?" I'll say "good". If she says "honestly, how do I look?", I'll give an honest answer. Why specify you want an honest answer if you don't want one? I try to be quite a straight forward person, I don't think that's a bad thing.
If a girl says "how do I look?" I'll say "good". If she says "honestly, how do I look?", I'll give an honest answer. Why specify you want an honest answer if you don't want one? I try to be quite a straight forward person, I don't think that's a bad thing.
I agree with this. "White lies" like these just cover up deeper problems by encouraging miscommunication.
It depends what kind of weight you are now, if you are already slim and he is expecting some kind of super skinny supermodel physique to appear then don't bother. If, however, you feel that you would be healthier carrying a little less weight then it wouldn't hurt to lose it. As said you asked him to be honest, and he said he found you beautiful still- maybe he has other concerns such as your health or that if you continue to gain weight it will be a lot harder to get healthy. Ultimately it is up to you, but its not like in the middle of a date or sex he called you fat and threatened to leave you.
Original post by Anonymous
I recently asked my boyfriend to be honest with me with how he feels about me. He told me that he would quite like me to change meaning to lose weight but yet still says I am beautiful, I know I asked him to be honest but it's quite upsetting hearing that he isn't happy with how I look, what should I do?
You wanted him to be honest about your appearance, I assume. He was.
So, it's up to you. I'm guessing there is a bit of extra weight on your body, so you could just lose that weight, as it would be better for your health and you'd look your best then. And maybe you two even could work out together, something new instead of same old stuff. Relationships get boring if people do same stuff all the time and get out of shape or become lazy.
Original post by Mankytoes
This is the sort of thing that leads to those "female logic" jokes. So what you're saying is she's lying, in saying she wants an honest answer. He then tells the truth, which is bad, he should lie too. Do you see why we get confused? People always say "talk it through", but what's the point when you're seen a dick if you don't lie?
If a girl says "how do I look?" I'll say "good". If she says "honestly, how do I look?", I'll give an honest answer. Why specify you want an honest answer if you don't want one? I try to be quite a straight forward person, I don't think that's a bad thing.
If a girl says "how do I look?" I'll say "good". If she says "honestly, how do I look?", I'll give an honest answer. Why specify you want an honest answer if you don't want one? I try to be quite a straight forward person, I don't think that's a bad thing.
Well, we're talking personal relationships here not a class in seeking out the truth in a philosophy seminar.
Example - you are asking your girlfriend whether she honestly thinks you could apply for this managerial job.
She replies well no, I've always thought that though I think you're cute you haven't got the gravitas necessary. Are you pleased?
Example 2 - you are asking your girlfriend whether she honestly thinks you could go on .... course, she replies well, no,I've always thought you were pretty thick but I love you just the same. Are you pleased?
Example 3 - you are asking your girl friend whether she honestly thinks you are better looking than ........She replies well no, he's fantastic, you're pretty ugly, but I love you anyway. Are you pleased?
The answer is no you're not pleased because though you didn't specifically say so ( indeed you asked for an honest answer) what you want is for your girl friend to boost your self confidence at this particular moment, You can do the self questioning, self doubt, self deprecating bit yourself.
I think it's called telling a white lie.
Brutally honest relationships don't last long.( The operative word is ' brutally',)
3 options i would say.
1 do nothing stay with him don't lose weight.
Pros you stay as you are and stay in the relationship
cons, he may feel as if you dont care what he thinks. Plus a relationship requires attraction, if you are gaining weight (not saying you are but maybe) or have gained weight then doing nothing may result in issues later on.
2 lose weight
Pros, makes it obvious you care what he thinks, probably make you more attractive to him, generally dropping weight is healthy (depends on weight before and how you drop it).
Cons, losing weight is difficult, if he is being unreasonable (you are already a healthy weight ect) it becomes worse and may have negetive effects on you.
3 lose him.
Pros, stay the same weight, keeps it your decision.
Cons, ends the relationship on something that might not be that big.
It is up to you. My advice would be to consider your weight, most people are generally correct when they say you can afford to lose a few pounds, whilst it wont be easy, being healthy is both better for your health (obviously) but actively feels better once the weight has been lost. It also improves your confidence, discipline and helps you stay determined with other things.
1 do nothing stay with him don't lose weight.
Pros you stay as you are and stay in the relationship
cons, he may feel as if you dont care what he thinks. Plus a relationship requires attraction, if you are gaining weight (not saying you are but maybe) or have gained weight then doing nothing may result in issues later on.
2 lose weight
Pros, makes it obvious you care what he thinks, probably make you more attractive to him, generally dropping weight is healthy (depends on weight before and how you drop it).
Cons, losing weight is difficult, if he is being unreasonable (you are already a healthy weight ect) it becomes worse and may have negetive effects on you.
3 lose him.
Pros, stay the same weight, keeps it your decision.
Cons, ends the relationship on something that might not be that big.
It is up to you. My advice would be to consider your weight, most people are generally correct when they say you can afford to lose a few pounds, whilst it wont be easy, being healthy is both better for your health (obviously) but actively feels better once the weight has been lost. It also improves your confidence, discipline and helps you stay determined with other things.
You should lose weight and thank him for caring enough to be honest with you. 
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