I guess it may be in wrong forum feel free to move.
It's a wall of text but I really need help thank you
So I moved into a new city and a new sixthform recently.
I've been enjoying my subjects and I like my teachers. But one crucial thing is giving me anxiety - that of social life.
I am a girl but I don't seem to blend in with all other girls. I play video games with majority of players being male (and I'm the only girl that plays it at my school). I am the only female FM student, the only aspiring female physicist, I am the only girl member of the robotics club and only member from my Year in the maths club. I am the only person from my country at my school. I don't wear skirts and I wear trousers and shirts with jacket.
Other girls are girls. Normal girls. They wear girly stuff, they talk about clothes, guys, celebrities etc which are not in my topic list.
Obviously I will have a better conversation with guys considering my interests, but it's quite hard to get in the group of bunch of guys.
I've tried to join in the group of new comer girls first few days, but I couldn't follow their conversation and they wouldn't have been able to follow mine. I tried to be a good listener but I would have a headache after a while, and my attention would fade away to an autumn leaf falling.
It's okay in lesson because I can act as a good student focused in the lesson, but in breaks, lunch times or group works...it's just pain.
I got into a habit of going to the library to get my homework done in breaks, eat as fast as possible and go to library again so that I can avoid teachers' eyes and I woldn't make them concerned and tell my parents about it (it would be even worse because my mum is overprotective). Quiet environment is what I love as well...at home also.
But this is quite hard too. My mum would be like "who did you talk to today?" when I get home but I don't know how to answer. Teachers are like "you enjoying yourself so far?" but no it's just pain every break.
It's so much pain trying to join in any group of people, but it's also pain that I have to deal with these "caring" people that aren't actually helping me at all and making things worse and making me feel pathetic - and I guess I am.
I'm starting to think if I have some psychological medical condition or whatever it's called.
I don't know what to do. I was planning to be good friends with any FM girl or robotic/maths club girl before I came here, but found out there is absolutely none.
Don't ask me how I survived last 16 years. Last 3 years I spent was at an extremely small school so everyone kinda had to talk to each other and during breaks 3 of my class mates just stood outside being quiet while the other 3 talked in a foreign language. The other 13 years? Don't even remember....
Please help....
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