Ok, after reading all the responses I feel it only fair to have an opinion from the other perspective. I understand what you are going through is horrible and nobody deserves to be treated like that. I can speak for myself in saying that all the behaviours that you describe in your boyfriend, I have also been guilty of in previous relationships - baring the physical aggression, which I believe you need to stick to your ultimatum on for both your sakes.
I have lost many wonderful girlfriends who have been subjected to my paranoia and lack of self belief, there is no place for worrying or paranoia in a relationship. From what you're describing I can only imagine his mind is going nuts worrying about all of these different things i.e not texting after work. You need to sit down and tell him that 'unintentionally' he is manipulating you, it is impossible to view it that way from a paranoid perspective because the worries will block out logic. If he doesn't understand he is manipulating you, you need to be apart from him until he does, and believe me it will happen. He needs to relax and clear his head, it's impossible to relax for either of you at the moment. It's easy to worry that you guys not speaking for a while will result in 'the end', of course that is possible. But in my experiences (3 or 4 different relationships )you do get back together. Of course he loves you and of course it's not over yet, who knows what will happen but it can improve.
Don't let anybody walk over you and just make sure all decisions have been thought over, no irrational decisions. He will make hundreds of them if he is worrying.