Do guys have it that easy!?

So an ex-partner of mine, who sexually abused me, has gotten engaged rather quickly after moving on. He used to text me for sex and so on for a while until he found a relationship, so at least he respects me somewhat.

My friends group (which is how we met), who have not really had much contact with me in a while, are of course thrilled.

A guy who used to flirt with me and ask for sex is in a relationship in a drop of a hat, taking millions of photos of them out of nowhere and saying how much he is in love.

Another guy who rather oddly flirted with me is now suddenly engaged and happy.

I have been single since the ex-partner. I don't consider myself unattractive and consider myself as being very laid back and understanding (to the point where people say I'm too much so). I don't get it - am I seen as some low value chew toy? I've only slept with one person (the abuser) so I'm hardly one to have a reputation.

Or is it that easy for guys to become engaged/in a relationship?

Reply 1

alpen

lol no

he was just lucky

Reply 2

cole-slaw

5

If you're a normal guy, there are so many whiny losers around that you stand out, so its incredibly easy. Within a month of becoming single you normally have a choice of a few women who all want to date you/**** you.

cue whiny losers in denial saying this is wrong:

Reply 3

cosmiccurtains

OP

3

Original post by cole-slaw

If you're a normal guy, there are so many whiny losers around that you stand out, so its incredibly easy. Within a month of becoming single you normally have a choice of a few women who all want to date you/**** you.

cue whiny losers in denial saying this is wrong:

Yeah, sure - for sex purposes, but relationships and engagements!? Wow, I'd love to be a guy for a day or two! :P

Reply 4

cole-slaw

5

Original post by cosmiccurtains

Yeah, sure - for sex purposes, but relationships and engagements!? Wow, I'd love to be a guy for a day or two! :P

Well there is no way in telling in advance how long a relationship will last, of course.

But I've never been entirely single for longer than a few months in my life, and that's pretty typical of most of my friends.

Reply 5

cosmiccurtains

OP

3

Original post by cole-slaw

Well there is no way in telling in advance how long a relationship will last, of course.

But I've never been entirely single for longer than a few months in my life, and that's pretty typical of most of my friends.

Very true.

Interesting - do you approach them or do they approach you? I've been too afraid of rejection (and given my past history, who would blame me) but I think I'm missing a trick here. Do guys generally find it unattractive if a girl were to do this? I say girl, but I'm in my late 20s...

Reply 6

caravaggio2

17

Original post by cosmiccurtains

but relationships and engagements!? ! :P

Why would they. Whats in it for them?
Looking for such commitments too soonjust makes you look needy.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 7

LTG

9

You had sex with him. He has found someone better than you.

The end.

Reply 8

cosmiccurtains

OP

3

Original post by caravaggio2

Why would they. Whats in it for them?

Why would they? That's the question I'm asking! Unless that's a typo?

My ex-partner turned out to be abusive and controlling - I hope those aren't indicators of a normal guy! He keeps them well hidden in public, so, there you go. Answered my own question.

Reply 9

CJKay

19

No.

I've been single for about 4 months, and before that a couple of years. It's only recently I've even started dating again. Generally speaking, it is not as easy as your ex seems to have it.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 10

cosmiccurtains

OP

3

You had sex with him. He has found someone better than you.

The end.

Nice generalization there. I don't want to get back with him by any means - if you see, I also mentioned other guys where this happened.

I'm not upset that an abuser found someone (regardless of whether they're "better" than me or not), but is this indicative of men in general? Is it that easier for them to rebound?

That is all I'm asking, mate.

Reply 11

caravaggio2

17

You accuse others of generslisations but go on to ask if all men are abusive?
Why would women keep coming back.
Women in my experience are way more controlling.
How many men have you ever heard say "I thought I could change her" compared to women?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 12

Mimesis

I think your confusion arises from assuming that they were flirting with just you. They were likely sending those same texts to a number of eligible women. By the law of averages it is entirely reasonable that they should end up in a relationship. If you cast a big enough net out, you're guaranteed to catch a fish.

Reply 13

xDave-

19

Original post by cosmiccurtains

So an ex-partner of mine, who sexually abused me, has gotten engaged rather quickly after moving on. He used to text me for sex and so on for a while until he found a relationship, so at least he respects me somewhat.

wtf did I just read

Reply 14

WeedCanKill

13

Why do they think it's ok to flirt and ask fir sex off you whilst being in these relationships? You either have ****ty company for friends or you're putting out the wrong bait... Just sayin'.

Reply 15

RyRy1998

8

Original post by cosmiccurtains

So an ex-partner of mine, who sexually abused me, has gotten engaged rather quickly after moving on. He used to text me for sex and so on for a while until he found a relationship, so at least he respects me somewhat.

My friends group (which is how we met), who have not really had much contact with me in a while, are of course thrilled.

A guy who used to flirt with me and ask for sex is in a relationship in a drop of a hat, taking millions of photos of them out of nowhere and saying how much he is in love.

Another guy who rather oddly flirted with me is now suddenly engaged and happy.

I have been single since the ex-partner. I don't consider myself unattractive and consider myself as being very laid back and understanding (to the point where people say I'm too much so). I don't get it - am I seen as some low value chew toy? I've only slept with one person (the abuser) so I'm hardly one to have a reputation.

Or is it that easy for guys to become engaged/in a relationship?

Long story short, No, We have to work just as hard as you for a relationship. Despite many peoples belief 75% of guys can't just click their fingers and have a girl at there feet.... Some guys are just lucky in finding relationships.

Reply 16

cosmiccurtains

OP

3

You accuse others of generslisations but go on to ask if all men are abusive?
Why would women keep coming back.
Women in my experience are way more controlling.
How many men have you ever heard say "I thought I could change her" compared to women?

I don't think I asked if all men are abusive - I know that for a fact that would be a preposterous idea! If you had that impression and you find me of saying that - that wasn't my intention. Sorry.

I actually have heard men say that - not as much as women, though.

Reply 17

caravaggio2

17

My advice for what its worth?
Raise the bar. Have a bit of self worth.
Any man that texts you asking for sex deserves the bums rush.
There are millions of decent men out there that wouldnt treat you that way.