Am I in the wrong?

This will be an over-simplified version of events but I'm curious as to what other people think of this.

I met a girl the other day in a bar I go to with my friends, she's a friend of a friend. We hit it off almost immediately, lots of flirting, touching (not in that way :rolleyes:

) just really light-hearted. I had to leave fairly early because I had to get the last train home but I couldn't find her when I was leaving so I just left. I texted our mutual friend later and asked her if the girl was single, and she said that she has a boyfriend but the boyfriend is an a-hole...but they're still together, supposedly...

So then I added the girl on Facebook later and we were talking and flirting for about a hour or so. At no point did she bring up the fact she had a boyfriend...all a bit weird.

I messaged her yesterday evening as she said the other day that she wanted to go and see a movie so we have arranged to go on a "date" as such (and have both acknowledged that it is a date). Still, she has not mentioned this boyfriend of hers. My guesses is that things can't be that good between them if she's actively dating someone else...

Am I in the wrong? I have been cheated on before and it's not great, but now it seems like I'm helping her cheat on her boyfriend, despite that she seems fully aware of this and is in fact pursuing it.

Any guidance on this would be appreciated, even if it is to tell me I'm a filthy cheater and should be ashamed... :redface:

Reply 1

DCFCfan4eva

Original post by Anonymous

I messaged her yesterday evening as she said the other day that she wanted to go and see a movie so we have

Am I in the wrong? I have been cheated on before and it's not great, but now it seems like I'm helping her cheat on her boyfriend, despite that she seems fully aware of this and is in fact pursuing it.

Any guidance on this would be appreciated, even if it is to tell me I'm a filthy cheater and should be ashamed... :redface:

I would say you are in the wrong, you asked her out knowing that she already had a bf. It doesn't matter what our friend thinks or even if he is an ahole, doesn't make it ok to go out with people who are already in a relationship. I mean she should have said and shouldn't have accepted but if u didn't ask her when u found out she had a bf, none of this would have happened.

It doesn't matter if things 'aren't that good' between them, it's hardly going to get better if you start asking her out is it

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

TheBigGeek

I don't think so. You're single. She's the one with the boyfriend and so it is her responsibility to not cheat. If you were friends with her boyfriend then you might be in the wrong, because it's not a good way to treat someone you care about, but given you have no connection to him (and he's apparently bad news) then I think you're fine.

See how things progress with this girl. If it starts becoming more serious and it really bothers you (as it would me, if my partner was also dating someone else!) then bring it up with her. You're allowed to say "choose one of us," though I'd leave that conversation until the relationship is official.

Are you sure she's interested in you romantically? Could she just be trying to be friends? Because lots of my girlfriends go to plays/movies with guys they like as friends even though they might be dating other people.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by DCFCfan4eva

Exactly, it just feels wrong on the face of it.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by TheBigGeek

I plan on bringing it up if anything "happens" on the date (don't think I need to explain that sentence...), along the lines of "you have a boyfriend, what's the deal?"

I'm pretty sure there's a connection there, more so than people I normally make friends with. It's kind of a tension but it's electric, like there's a spark. It all stems from when we met in the bar, just something different than when I normally meet new people. I'm sure people who have been in a similar situation know what I'm talking about. We also both explicitly understood beyond any ambiguity that we are going on a date.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Bump bump bump, anyone else?

Reply 6

aibekhsi

I think you should have your own interests as first priority. If you like this girl, and want to be in a relationship with her, then go for it. But if at the same time, you're constantly feeling guilty or ashamed etc then tell her that it troubles you and see what happens. She might end up dumping her bf for you.