Thanks. Managed to get through unloading, parents leaving, matriculation and formal hall. Then I was too tired and had work to do (long story) so went back to my room. Social anxiety not too bad today. Just really knackered.
but it is for nothing. what do I have to show for the pain I have been through? absolutely nothing. my head is so ill and seems to be getting more ill by the day. this weekend I haven't managed to eat anything but a bit of fruit, haven't left my room, have barely been able to move, haven't done any of the work I was meant to. just lie in bed whilst I sob or shake, or let the internet erode my mind. it's like i'm not even human. there is no point. so consumed by illness and there hasn't been one period in all these years when something has actually gotten better , even temporarily. Not one day where I wake up and things feel mildly okay, not one day where things feel bearable. For the last 18 months/two years I keep feeling like I've hit rock bottom. I try to think about there only being one way, and that is up, but its never true. I always get worse even though it feels like it couldn't possibly. I try and engage with these crap MH professionals who are really the furthest from professional imaginable, while we pick through the **** in my life, only for them to insult, belittle and patronise me, before declaring that they're 'stuck'. I'm done with this. How much more does life want to beat me down? I'm left with nothing but a withered malfunctioning brain which reduces me to a shell of a human. I often struggle to speak, to move, to find enough energy and empathy in my bones to actually try and be anything positive in the world apart from a drain of resources.
Can I ask how come you can't bring yourself to eat? :/ It was pointed out to me that not eating just made myself feel physically and mentally worse. None of this is your fault by the way. It's not as though you want to be in the position you're in :/
It has been a long time. More of a snooper nowadays. Always feel bad because I always end up saying the wrong things when I try to support people so I tend not just to do it anymore. Life could be better. Back at uni or still on a placement?
Thanks. Managed to get through unloading, parents leaving, matriculation and formal hall. Then I was too tired and had work to do (long story) so went back to my room. Social anxiety not too bad today. Just really knackered.
That's pretty good then, you got a lot done there! Did you do the work? Hope you slept a bit
unfortunately I left him a note which came out as 'please stop your very loud snoring' which in hindsight was rude and not quite what I aimed to convey, at the same time am I supposed to hold my peace when it's so loud I can't sleep? He hasn't said anything as he has gone to work…I don't know I should do :/
have any of you guys ever found out your Meyers-Briggs personality type? i know its a wholly discredited way of measuring somebody's personality but i still find it interesting i'm an INTJ!!
I always forget my exact letters - think it's INFJ? It's the Counsellor personality type, anyway