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Male housemates keep inappropriately touching me
I apologise if it's a long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I'm living in a student house with a few housemates. I knew them from last year, and they are generally OK, except two of them are being physically inappropriate with me.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
Scroll to see replies
Ermm. Well if they refuse to stop, that would be their problem and I would proceed to report them. Sexual harassment is no casual joke. And if it affects their future they should really have thought about that.
If you don't do anything, they will continue. You need to show them that you're serious and actually report them. That kind of behaviour is unacceptable
Start spanking their bum see how they like it
That's...Reeaaaally inappropriate. Slapping your bum is one thing, like if you're VERY familiar with someone it's ok (I've seen siblings do this, for example), but person A is just sexually harassing you. Wonder if A and B are making a game out of it? Pay a 6'4 bald 30 year to pretend to be your boyfriend and scare them a bit. 100% success rate.
Punch them in the dick.
Seems like an overreaction, so if they say anything, just ask "oh, was that inappropriate?" and leave.
Seems like an overreaction, so if they say anything, just ask "oh, was that inappropriate?" and leave.
Original post by Anonymous
I apologise if it's a long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I'm living in a student house with a few housemates. I knew them from last year, and they are generally OK, except two of them are being physically inappropriate with me.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
Whether their intention is malicious or not does not matter. They are sexually harassing you and that's a crime. Report them both to the police and tell a friend what is happenning. It starts in sexual harassment and it might end in rape. Call the police!
Original post by Anonymous
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
They obviously don't care about you or your feelings so why should you care about them?!
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact.
This is unacceptable and I think you know that. If they were doing it to your sister/daughter/friend would you think it acceptable? No, because it isn't. They are taking advantage of the situation and adding insult to injury by making you feel wrong for being uncomfortable about their behaviour. You need to confront them about it and/or get outside support.
They are at fault not you.
Think about how this would be viewed in a workplace - it would be completely unacceptable and can be nothing less in your home environment.
You deserve much better. Don't put up with this.
Original post by Anonymous
I apologise if it's a long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I'm living in a student house with a few housemates. I knew them from last year, and they are generally OK, except two of them are being physically inappropriate with me.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
Tell them that it isn't a joke to you, you're really uncomfortable about it, and that you'll report them if they don't stop. I'd have thought that would make them stop.
Original post by Anonymous
I apologise if it's a long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I'm living in a student house with a few housemates. I knew them from last year, and they are generally OK, except two of them are being physically inappropriate with me.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
Tell a male family member
Thank you guys for your help, I really do appreciate your replies. I can't really tell my family, I know that my dad would come round to the house and probably actually hit them because he's really overprotective, which is the last thing I want. I can't tell my friends either, because when I told them that I had been groped last year by someone (who I'm not in touch with anymore), they almost dragged me to a police station. I feel a bit iffy about reporting it to the police or the university authorities, because it's not rape or sexual assault, so I don't think they would take it too seriously, and plus, I have no evidence. Also, I've been reading the news about how this kind of thing is commonplace in universities, so I feel like I should just deal with it.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you guys for your help, I really do appreciate your replies. I can't really tell my family, I know that my dad would come round to the house and probably actually hit them because he's really overprotective, which is the last thing I want. I can't tell my friends either, because when I told them that I had been groped last year by someone (who I'm not in touch with anymore), they almost dragged me to a police station. I feel a bit iffy about reporting it to the police or the university authorities, because it's not rape or sexual assault, so I don't think they would take it too seriously, and plus, I have no evidence. Also, I've been reading the news about how this kind of thing is commonplace in universities, so I feel like I should just deal with it.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
It's not rape; it is definitely sexual assault.
a good kick in the bullocks with heels - or a nice slap in the face.
Or just report them. Don't tolerate it and do nothing, otherwise they won't stop.
don't be worried about the money side of it - your uni would intervene if you wanted to get out of it. You could also take it to the police and get a restraining order against them - which forces them out.
Or just report them. Don't tolerate it and do nothing, otherwise they won't stop.
don't be worried about the money side of it - your uni would intervene if you wanted to get out of it. You could also take it to the police and get a restraining order against them - which forces them out.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you guys for your help, I really do appreciate your replies. I can't really tell my family, I know that my dad would come round to the house and probably actually hit them because he's really overprotective, which is the last thing I want. I can't tell my friends either, because when I told them that I had been groped last year by someone (who I'm not in touch with anymore), they almost dragged me to a police station. I feel a bit iffy about reporting it to the police or the university authorities, because it's not rape or sexual assault, so I don't think they would take it too seriously, and plus, I have no evidence. Also, I've been reading the news about how this kind of thing is commonplace in universities, so I feel like I should just deal with it.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
God, I feel so sorry for you. Please, please reconsider going to the police, this is sexual assault - multiple counts, and at the least it's ongoing sexual harassment. This is illegal - yup, a crime, you're not overreacting, and you're not overreaching.
What I would do is confront them both and say very calmly that you're fed up of being sexually harassed by them - and actually use those words - and if they don't immediately stop, you're going to report them. If they don't take you seriously, report them.
They are seeing you as something they have every right to grope. There is every chance this will not end at sexual assault unless you lay down the law very firmly.
Do not care about their feelings. Don't even start. They do not care about you, or your comfort at all. This is an unavoidably fact, I'm afraid. Why, therefore, should you be concerned for them?
You will not have to pay their rent, that would not happen.
You have every right to enjoy uni and enjoy your student housing without being harassed when you come home. You're already limiting yourself in the space you pay to live in, do not let it go further.
Why don't you PM me, if you want to talk about it a bit more?
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you guys for your help, I really do appreciate your replies. I can't really tell my family, I know that my dad would come round to the house and probably actually hit them because he's really overprotective, which is the last thing I want. I can't tell my friends either, because when I told them that I had been groped last year by someone (who I'm not in touch with anymore), they almost dragged me to a police station. I feel a bit iffy about reporting it to the police or the university authorities, because it's not rape or sexual assault, so I don't think they would take it too seriously, and plus, I have no evidence. Also, I've been reading the news about how this kind of thing is commonplace in universities, so I feel like I should just deal with it.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
I'm not really sure though. I don't think there's anything I can say to them - I confronted them, but still they don't get it. If I report them, it might get awkward especially with the housing situation - I would have to pay £3000 (i.e. rest of my share of the rent) to leave and plus other costs in moving to a different place. Or if they leave (or unlikely, get kicked out), what if they make me pay their rent, as we signed a joint tenancy agreement? It's a bit of a dilemma. Do you guys have any further advice? Thanks again.
I know you said that you've confronted them, but make sure you make it very clear to them how uncomfortable you are with it. Tell them you'll report them unless they stop.
Original post by Chief Wiggum
I know you said that you've confronted them, but make sure you make it very clear to them how uncomfortable you are with it. Tell them you'll report them unless they stop.
Totally this. Agreed 100%, you should never put up with this sort of crap, no one should.
Why are you worrying about the future careers of people who are currently molesting you?
If you've watched EastEnders in the last 2 months or so with Dean and Linda, that should tell you to nip it in the bud now before things go too far. Get the police and/or the uni involved. They don't value you as a person, and need some way of being told that their views of women are vile and wrong
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