How can I stop being so jealous of others?

Since I can remember I've been a very jealous person. I find someone who can do/has/has achieved something better than me and I obsess about it, try and justify it in my head and if I can't find any bad points about their situation then I resent them. This is especially when i don't feel they 'deserve' success. I know it's linked to my perfectionism and the ridiculous standards I set upon myself, it's as if I can't deal with the fact that some people are in a better position than me yet have tried less hard.

Take today for example, one of my best friends was applying for a great job in another city. Of course the logical part of my brain wished her all the best, but the jealous part was hoping she didn't get it. It took me a long slog to get even an entry level job and now she's just walked into this one without even trying. I only have feelings of injustice and jealousy about it now, and can't be happy for her.

It's really damaging. Especially with things like Facebook. Constant thoughts of 'what did SHE do to deserve THAT?!' go through my mind.

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Reply 1

Yeah dude

Original post by Anonymous

Just be grateful for what you have, some people pray for the stuff you have but don't think about

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Use it as motivation

Original post by angelfox

Use it as motivation

I have but it's so exhausting, because I can never compare myself favourably with everyone. Eg, I was jealous of people who volunteered abroad, so I did it, but now there's people who have done it for longer or travelled the world... I can never achieve everything. It just means I'm never happy with my own achievement.

Reply 4

Eva.Gregoria

Learn to deal with the fact that there will always be someone better than you.

Reply 5

Yeah dude

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

Learn to deal with the fact that there will always be someone better than you.

Incorrect, nobody is better than somebody else

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Reply 6

angelfox

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

Learn to deal with the fact that there will always be someone better than you.

That's loser talk.

Use them as motivation if you're jealous is my only tip.

Reply 7

Northern Downpour

You don't really know anyone well enough to truly know what they deserve. And that's why you're not in charge of anyone's fate. There are so many different factors to consider, in some areas of life your best friend may not be getting what she deserved, e.g. she might be hard worker but has never excelled academically or something like that.

And when it comes to 'deserving' things, would you just consider what the person has done in preparation for what they want to achieve or whether they're a good enough person to get good things happening to them? Because as a jealous person who doesn't wish others well, where would you put yourself on the 'goodness' scale what do you think you 'deserve'? I'm not trying to make you feel like a bad person (I'm sure you're not) but do you see what I mean that other people may just have a kinder heart?

Lastly, life isn't about what you deserve and what you don't. It can be unfair and hard. You just have to try your best and hope you'll get what you want. Don't think about what other people are doing, their world is completely different to yours and therefore you just can't compare.

Reply 8

Itshafsaa

you first learn to appreciate yourself, love yourself more.

Reply 9

Uw0tm8_

woahh, Jealousy to an extent like that is unhealthy

Reply 10

Eva.Gregoria

Original post by Yeah dude

Incorrect, nobody is better than somebody else

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There is always someone better than you at something.

Original post by angelfox

That's loser talk.

Use them as motivation if you're jealous is my only tip.

Yes but using them as motivation comes after accepting that they're indeed better than you.

Reply 11

Yeah dude

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

There is always someone better than you at something.

Yes but using them as motivation comes after accepting that they're indeed better than you.

Well you gave off the 'one single person is better than you at everything' vibe there.

Obviously somebody will be better than you at something, for example person a may be better at drawing than person b, but person b may be better than person a playing guitar.

Other than that we are all equal and the worst thing a human can do is give up.

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Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I'm gay, and I'd love nothing more than to have a boyfriend.
Someone similar in age to me has just started working at the place I work and he was talking to me about how they just started a relationship with another boy.
Makes me so jealous and depressed. It's like how does everyone find someone but me?

Reply 13

angelfox

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

There is always someone better than you at something.

Yes but using them as motivation comes after accepting that they're indeed better than you.

I guess so. Accept they're better for now. Look at what they do that's different.

Here's a speech for you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYqbYkiuHXM&list=UUO8CT36SWHt9KIbuTi2FW8g#t=1561

Can someone tell me how to embed please?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 14

Eva.Gregoria

Original post by Yeah dude

Well you gave off the 'somebody is better than you at everything' vibe there.

Obviously somebody will be better than you at something, for example person a may be better at drawing than person b, but person b may be better than person a playing guitar.

Other than that we are all equal and the worst thing a human can do is give up.

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We're not all equal, sorry. I disagree there.

We all have equal rights and dignity, but we are not born equal and we certainly don't die equal.

Reply 15

Eva.Gregoria

Original post by angelfox

I guess so. Accept they're better for now. Look at what they do that's different.

Here's a speech for you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3QpubKy8_s

Can someone tell me how to embed please?

Of course, that's solid advice but acceptance that you're not the best is important. Acknowledging that there's always ways to improve is the first step to actual improvement.

Sorry didn't watch the speech.

Reply 16

Yeah dude

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

We're not all equal, sorry. I disagree there.

We all have equal rights and dignity, but we are not born equal and we certainly don't die equal.

Maybe we are not born equal, being born into a family with money obviously and unfortunately helps, but I believe we can die equal, it you find the one thing we are good at, the thing we were born and made to do, and become good at it, we did equal, in conclusion I believe that everyone is born with a certain talent, it's just we have to find it, so yeah it is possible to die equal, obviously your opinion is yours and mine is mine though

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Reply 17

Ankabout

Maybe you have self-esteem issues?

Don't compare yourself to others as everyone is different and there is always going to be someone better than you at something. My point is that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Reply 18

Eva.Gregoria

Original post by Yeah dude

Utilising your talent doesn't necessarily make you equal to everyone. The person using their talent to stop a war by being an inspirational speaker or to find a cure for cancer isn't equal to someone who used their talent to win x-factor. That's my opinion though.

Reply 19

Yeah dude

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

Yeah but it's not really about climbing a leaderboard or whatever for equality because no one gives a crap about how far people are in social rankings, what I'm saying that Obama may be a better speaker than Rebecca black (best singer ever :wink: