Boyfriend commenting on other pretty women in front of me?

I just watched a film with my boyfriend and his friend who i know quite well in his room at uni. It was going well until my boyfriend said to his friend 'The girl in this is quite attractive isn't she' and 'she's coming up in a minute' and pointed her out when she was on screen. Then a few minutes later he said about another woman 'she's nice isn't she' and looked at his friend. He didn't mention anything else until later on in the film he asked "what's her name" to his friend twice, and when I turned to ask him why he said "because she's quite good looking, isn't she?"

Even though we have been going out for a year I'm not naive I know he's going to find other women attractive, but I'm not sure why he felt the need to say all this in front of me? Would you be annoyed at this or am I overreacting? We are both in our early twenties.

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Reply 1

Uw0tm8_

You are over reacting.
Just be greatful hes not complimenting girls you see in real life, infront of you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Uw0tm8_

You are over reacting.
Just be greatful hes not complimenting girls you see in real life, infront of you.

So if your boyfriend did this you wouldn't feel anything? You'd keep quiet?

Reply 3

KH94

Original post by Anonymous

So if your boyfriend did this you wouldn't feel anything? You'd keep quiet?

I think it is worse if people are secretive. It shows he is open and honest. I would say, don't confront him about it or anything. As you said yourself, he will find other women attractive, you already know, so does it make a real difference if he says or not? Does it matter if you are there are not?

My opinion is that he feels he can say things in front of you, because you will trust him.

Reply 4

EllieC130

Feels kind of random to keep saying it like that but I would say you're overreacting. It's odd at worst.

Reply 5

Uw0tm8_

Original post by Anonymous

So if your boyfriend did this you wouldn't feel anything? You'd keep quiet?

FAAAAM youre acting like he's going to get the chance to cheat on you with that actress.
Calm the **** down.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 6

eelnais

You're overreacting. Have you never watched something with a male celebrity in and said "Dayuuuuuum he is hot" out loud while with your boyfriend?
Or words to that effect, hehe.

Reply 7

Mankytoes

I think it's nice when you can be honest about this stuff with your partner. You'll feel a little jealous, but that's part of love, innit?

Reply 8

Temporality

Original post by Anonymous

The fact he said it to his friend like that and waited for approval from his fellow 'LAD' like that is quite immature. Lol how old are they? I think what he did is quite insensitive but if someone is beautiful then I'd expect people to say their beautiful I guess, but it's just when guys are a bit like 'oooh phwoaaah she's hot like I'd bang her' or 'I'd bash her back doors in' etc, that's just SO cringeworthy and such a turn-off in a guy. Sorry to tar all builders with the same brush, but it's such a builder-y thing to say. Guys who make those comments genuinely have no intellect. Commenting on the beauty of a certain woman and maybe comparing them to you is sweet, but making a big deal out of it and talking like a chav with no regard for women is just annoying.

Reply 9

Octohedral

The fact he's happy to do it in front of you means he sees it as harmless fun, and he's pretty secure in his relationship with you. He might even be subconsciously trying to impress you, in a weird sort of way.

A very attractive trait in anyone is to be easy going. If you do anything, I'd make a joke of it. If you can't help it annoying you, just tell him, but don't make a big thing of it. I'm sure he means no harm. :smile:

Reply 10

jenkinsear

Original post by Anonymous

So if your boyfriend did this you wouldn't feel anything? You'd keep quiet?

Do you expect him to become blind as soon as you start dating him? Christ. My boyfriend will occasionally say he finds someone in a film or tv show attractive. Am I bothered by this? Absolutely not. Why would I be? I find men who aren't my boyfriend attractive too. It's natural; you don't become blind to all other men/women! I'm much happier with it being out there and open than having him scared to say what he thinks. When you get to that point I think you're in a pretty weak relationship to be honest.

Reply 11

1501

even married couples do this. there's absolutely nothing wrong with finding someone else apart from your partner attractive and admitting it. at least he's honest.

Reply 12

scrotgrot

You are overreacting. It is normal to find others attractive and to point this out, I know exactly who on the telly my girlfriend fancies and I often comment that I like (or don't like) the look of people who pop up on her social networks etc.* It's normal to think it and healthy to say it.

It is the measure of love that the very idea of acting on such fleeting attractions barely crosses your mind.

I am cheered to know that my girlfriend is a sexually well adjusted person with a pair of ovaries inside her and if anything it's a compliment that she chose me.

*You might not have heard the old joke about a couple who write a list of 5 people they would want to bone. The woman's list comes back with George Clooney, Brad Pitt etc, the man's with "your sister, your best friend"...

Reply 13

scrotgrot

Original post by Temporality

Yeah but here you are committing the sin of the misogynist who thinks women should be trying to turn him on every minute of the day. Bravado is a huge source of social proof between guys and is more or less the way they express solidarity and affection. While OP can be sure her boyfriend does enjoy looking at other women she can also be sure that his true attitudes are not as sleazy and cringeworthy as he is expressing when with the lads.

Speaking as someone who has never been part of the "lad" crowd and is generally more comfortable with female friends.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 14

Jen88may

I think you may have some trust issues, it's totally normal to appreciate beauty. My partner and I constantly comment on attractive people I'll say " wow she was gorgeous" or "he is very good looking" and he will reply "yeah she/he is" and he will comment the same. It doesn't mean either of us are tempted we just know hotness when we see it!! Don't free unless you have a reason and he has cheated on you, voice your concerns to him and see what he says?

Reply 15

TheBBQ

It's normal.. I'm pretty sure girls do this more often with their boyfriends.

Reply 16

Temporality

Original post by scrotgrot

I never said women should be trying to turn him on every second of the day? and nothing I said was misogynistic. But okay then

Reply 17

Abel Demoz

Original post by anonymous

i just watched a film with my boyfriend and his friend who i know quite well in his room at uni. It was going well until my boyfriend said to his friend 'the girl in this is quite attractive isn't she' and 'she's coming up in a minute' and pointed her out when she was on screen. Then a few minutes later he said about another woman 'she's nice isn't she' and looked at his friend. He didn't mention anything else until later on in the film he asked "what's her name" to his friend twice, and when i turned to ask him why he said "because she's quite good looking, isn't she?"

even though we have been going out for a year i'm not naive i know he's going to find other women attractive, but i'm not sure why he felt the need to say all this in front of me? Would you be annoyed at this or am i overreacting? We are both in our early twenties.

bitch caught a body bout a week agooo!!!

Reply 18

dreadpiraterach

I'd understand you being uncomfortable with this if it was happening all the time and the comments were about women that you both know in real life. But if it's just about women on TV and in films then relax, they're not a threat- the chances of anything ever happening with him and these women is pretty much non-existent. It can actually be quite good to have conversations like this, it shows that you're secure enough in the relationship to be open about finding other people attractive and know that nothing will happen as a result of that.

Reply 19

Hulkamaniac

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe he thinks you're ugly.

I mean look if with my hoe and I saw someone fitter and sexier, I would dump her in a heartbeat and go after the one who is better looking, why kid myself?

He feels that way about you, you're probably not as attractive as you think you are.