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Boyfriend commenting on other pretty women in front of me?

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Original post by dreadpiraterach
I'd understand you being uncomfortable with this if it was happening all the time and the comments were about women that you both know in real life. But if it's just about women on TV and in films then relax, they're not a threat- the chances of anything ever happening with him and these women is pretty much non-existent. It can actually be quite good to have conversations like this, it shows that you're secure enough in the relationship to be open about finding other people attractive and know that nothing will happen as a result of that.

And, a genuinely fulfilling and lasting relationship cannot be based just on looks alone.
I'm with anon on this. If I ever had a girlfriend, as unlikely as that may be, I couldn't possibly say how attractive another woman is in front of her, even if she was on the TV. Sure I would notice how attractive other people are, but what good can possibly come out of saying aloud how hot you think another woman is? Why would you even want to do that?
Original post by awkwardshortguy
I'm with anon on this. If I ever had a girlfriend, as unlikely as that may be, I couldn't possibly say how attractive another woman is in front of her, even if she was on the TV. Sure I would notice how attractive other people are, but what good can possibly come out of saying aloud how hot you think another woman is? Why would you even want to do that?


I'd never do this to my boyfriend either, it's strange how everyone finds this so casual... Where's the respect?
Original post by Uw0tm8_
FAAAAM youre acting like he's going to get the chance to cheat on you with that actress.
Calm the fuhh down.


Please, speak properly.
I think he wants you to make more effort with your appearance, but doesn't know how to convey it without you blowing up in his face.

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Original post by awkwardshortguy
I'm with anon on this. If I ever had a girlfriend, as unlikely as that may be, I couldn't possibly say how attractive another woman is in front of her, even if she was on the TV. Sure I would notice how attractive other people are, but what good can possibly come out of saying aloud how hot you think another woman is? Why would you even want to do that?

I second this
Original post by Table dust
you realise girls do this to their boyfriends too right?

'oh he looks hot' ect. act your age and ignore it

I don't do it to my boyfriend.. I just don't see the point. Yes when we're out and about and there's an attractive guy in my view I'd never say anything to my boyfriend, a quick glance and that's it. I just wouldn't understand the need in saying anything to him in case it made him feel insecure. I know I'd never get with a stranger, or anyone on TV, but it could potentially harm his self esteem.

Original post by Another
I'd never do this to my boyfriend either, it's strange how everyone finds this so casual... Where's the respect?

That's the reason I was so uncomfortable with it all. As I said in the opening post, I know he's going to find other women attractive, and that doesn't bother me.. it's natural. It's the fact he said it to his friend in front of me like I wasn't there that was the issue.
Original post by Hulkamaniac
Maybe he thinks you're ugly.

I mean look if with my hoe and I saw someone fitter and sexier, I would dump her in a heartbeat and go after the one who is better looking, why kid myself?

He feels that way about you, you're probably not as attractive as you think you are.

Isn't that to do with your morals rather than anything to do with me. Who said I thought I was attractive? It's just the principle of why he'd say it. As I said I know he's going to find other women attractive, I just don't know why he'd say all those things in front of me like I'm not there.
Original post by Anonymous
Isn't that to do with your morals rather than anything to do with me. Who said I thought I was attractive? It's just the principle of why he'd say it. As I said I know he's going to find other women attractive, I just don't know why he'd say all those things in front of me like I'm not there.


How is the rest of your relationship? Is this literally the only thing he says that you don't like?

If there's nothing else going on I'd say he's just a bit insensitive/clueless.

But if there are other little criticisms added in elsewhere I'd say he's subtly trying to wear down your confidence.
It's good he's honest lol.
Though there's a line - you don't wanna go saying how hot girls you meet are to your lass unless she's comfortable with it! But it was only TV
Original post by Nomes89
How is the rest of your relationship? Is this literally the only thing he says that you don't like?

If there's nothing else going on I'd say he's just a bit insensitive/clueless.

But if there are other little criticisms added in elsewhere I'd say he's subtly trying to wear down your confidence.

There has been other things in the past but I suppose it's pathetic bringing those up. But this is just one of the things that particularly bothered me last night but I wasn't sure whether it was justified or not. I've had mixed views here so I'm still not really sure what to think. Maybe he does think I'm unattractive and it's his way of letting me know that he finds other women attractive to get me to change the way I look. Or maybe it is just a senseless comment which doesn't affect how he feels about me. But why would he try to wear down my confidence? Surely he'd just break up with me if he wasn't happy? :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
Would you be annoyed at this or am I overreacting? We are both in our early twenties.


If I was going out with you and you said Clooney/Pitt were hot, I wouldn't care. I'd probably agree with you. If you said a boy from your class was hot, I'd be very annoyed.

Celebrities - fair game. Other friends/people at university - not fair game.
Maybe you should do the same thing while watching TV together and comment on the guys. Then see how he reacts to the same.
Original post by Anonymous
There has been other things in the past but I suppose it's pathetic bringing those up. But this is just one of the things that particularly bothered me last night but I wasn't sure whether it was justified or not. I've had mixed views here so I'm still not really sure what to think. Maybe he does think I'm unattractive and it's his way of letting me know that he finds other women attractive to get me to change the way I look. Or maybe it is just a senseless comment which doesn't affect how he feels about me. But why would he try to wear down my confidence? Surely he'd just break up with me if he wasn't happy? :frown:


If it's done persistently then again I'd say he's 'wearing you down'. How many people just break up with someone when they're unhappy? It's not necessarily about you anyway, it could be down to his own lack of confidence/insecurity. People put others down because they're not feeling great about themselves. What he's doing sounds like a form of negging (look it up if you don't know) if he's doing it often. If you don't like it though, no matter how people try to make you feel about it (it's 'silly', 'pathetic', etc.) it's just how you feel. Don't try and be the cool, laid back chick if that's not who you are. It would be wrong to resent him or be angry if you've never actually told him you don't like it.
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A5ko
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Show your boyfriend this thread.

That way he can get away before you start collecting his semen and blood to perform rituals.
Original post by TheBBQ
It's normal.. I'm pretty sure girls do this more often with their boyfriends.


This.

There tends to be a lot of double standards here. My ex did this and it annoyed me but when i did it to her she went mad.
Original post by Eboracum
If I was going out with you and you said Clooney/Pitt were hot, I wouldn't care. I'd probably agree with you. If you said a boy from your class was hot, I'd be very annoyed.

Celebrities - fair game. Other friends/people at university - not fair game.

He often does it about girls at university mutual friends he will stare at them for ages when they come in the room and then after when we're on our own he will say "___ is nice isn't she" and once he said "___ is one of those girls who looks good in anything and is beautiful without any makeup on". Like he's telling the truth because she's stunning but the fact he talks about girls he knows in this way makes me feel insecure and makes everything awkward. He knows how it makes me feel as I've told him before and this was about a month ago. Also after he made those comments about those girls we know I left it because if I'd questioned him he would have said more things which probably would have made me feel more insecure.
I'd rather my boyfriend said he found someone attractive to me, than behind my back to his friends or something. Likewise, I do sometimes remark on the attractiveness of an actor in a film but I wouldn't do it in real life.
Seriously, calm down, he said she was pretty not that he was going to f*** her.


It just shows that he feels comfortable in front of you, that he doesn't have to say these things behind your back instead.
I have to say I personally don't think it's a big deal if he's commenting about a celebrity. Whenever I see Michael Ealy or Ryan Gosling on TV I usually joke to my boyfriend and say "there goes my future husband" BUT this is said entirely in jest and he knows I'm joking (because let's be real..it will never happen in my lifetime). I guess you might argue it's different for women but I don't think so. Very rarely he gives it back and may comment on a pretty girl but only in the sense that they would be interesting to paint, I know he doesn't mean sexually.

What I'm trying to say is that whether it's ok or not to comment depends how comfortable the couple are with each other. You don't know maybe he thinks you are as good looking as the woman in the movie. If there are insecurities there then they need addressing.


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