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Boyfriend has naked pictures of his ex! (Could really use a guy's opinion here)
So I've been in a relationship for just over a year with a great guy.
When I initially got to know him, I came to know that he is good friends with an ex from about 2-3 years ago. This wasn't a problem at first, as I am good friends with one ex too.
But now I'm freaking out.
I was on his laptop, with his full knowledge and trying to locate photos of our recent holiday. On the same page, with all his other material, was a photo folder of his ex (and now good friend) with little to no clothing on. I'm pretty sure there was a video in there too.
I have no problem with people keeping photos of exes.
I do have a big problem with photos of naked exes, particularly if I have to see or speak to them regularly.
Their friendship also now worries me, as now I'm thinking he must still be sexually/romantically attached to her - why else would he still want to look at her naked? And how am I meant to be comfortable around someone who's naked on my boyfriend's laptop?
Help please.
When I initially got to know him, I came to know that he is good friends with an ex from about 2-3 years ago. This wasn't a problem at first, as I am good friends with one ex too.
But now I'm freaking out.
I was on his laptop, with his full knowledge and trying to locate photos of our recent holiday. On the same page, with all his other material, was a photo folder of his ex (and now good friend) with little to no clothing on. I'm pretty sure there was a video in there too.
I have no problem with people keeping photos of exes.
I do have a big problem with photos of naked exes, particularly if I have to see or speak to them regularly.
Their friendship also now worries me, as now I'm thinking he must still be sexually/romantically attached to her - why else would he still want to look at her naked? And how am I meant to be comfortable around someone who's naked on my boyfriend's laptop?
Help please.
Scroll to see replies
1. Maybe forgot it was there.
2. May think they are just innocent photos.
3. Could be used to fap to. So long as it is purely for sexual reasons, and there is no attachment involved, seems all right.
2. May think they are just innocent photos.
3. Could be used to fap to. So long as it is purely for sexual reasons, and there is no attachment involved, seems all right.
I know a friend that has kept similar photos of his Ex, I wouldn't worry that much. If it's really bothering you, ask him about it.
I dunno.. it's a toughie. Many people I've spoken to seem to agree that it's okay to have these photos.. they are memories after all. But my ex had a massive problem with it, so now, I don't say anything. If a girl I was seeing asked me, I would be honest and say I had them, but then again I don't use them to fap to.. which your boyfriend may do.
You have a right to be concerned, so I would suggest talking about it in a non-inflammatory way.
You have a right to be concerned, so I would suggest talking about it in a non-inflammatory way.
Original post by Momma's Kumquat
I dunno.. it's a toughie. Many people I've spoken to seem to agree that it's okay to have these photos.. they are memories after all. But my ex had a massive problem with it, so now, I don't say anything. If a girl I was seeing asked me, I would be honest and say I had them, but then again I don't use them to fap to.. which your boyfriend may do.
You have a right to be concerned, so I would suggest talking about it in a non-inflammatory way.
You have a right to be concerned, so I would suggest talking about it in a non-inflammatory way.
It's all right to fap to them, if there are no feelings or attachment involved. If it's purely fantasy then I would say it is normal.
I can understand though that if you knew this ex, then it could be awkward. Otherwise, it would be the same as having a hot picture of any celebrity or other girl.
Original post by Anonymous
So I've been in a relationship for just over a year with a great guy.
When I initially got to know him, I came to know that he is good friends with an ex from about 2-3 years ago. This wasn't a problem at first, as I am good friends with one ex too.
But now I'm freaking out.
I was on his laptop, with his full knowledge and trying to locate photos of our recent holiday. On the same page, with all his other material, was a photo folder of his ex (and now good friend) with little to no clothing on. I'm pretty sure there was a video in there too.
I have no problem with people keeping photos of exes.
I do have a big problem with photos of naked exes, particularly if I have to see or speak to them regularly.
Their friendship also now worries me, as now I'm thinking he must still be sexually/romantically attached to her - why else would he still want to look at her naked? And how am I meant to be comfortable around someone who's naked on my boyfriend's laptop?
Help please.
When I initially got to know him, I came to know that he is good friends with an ex from about 2-3 years ago. This wasn't a problem at first, as I am good friends with one ex too.
But now I'm freaking out.
I was on his laptop, with his full knowledge and trying to locate photos of our recent holiday. On the same page, with all his other material, was a photo folder of his ex (and now good friend) with little to no clothing on. I'm pretty sure there was a video in there too.
I have no problem with people keeping photos of exes.
I do have a big problem with photos of naked exes, particularly if I have to see or speak to them regularly.
Their friendship also now worries me, as now I'm thinking he must still be sexually/romantically attached to her - why else would he still want to look at her naked? And how am I meant to be comfortable around someone who's naked on my boyfriend's laptop?
Help please.
It's a bit odd unless he has just forgotten about it, having said that it is weird that it is weird that the folder is titled "my ex" unless he put it up before he got with you. I would be uncomfortable too if my girlfriend had something like this, you will have to tell him what you saw and tell him you are not comfortable.
Original post by Anonymous
1. Maybe forgot it was there.
2. May think they are just innocent photos.
3. Could be used to fap to. So long as it is purely for sexual reasons, and there is no attachment involved, seems all right.
2. May think they are just innocent photos.
3. Could be used to fap to. So long as it is purely for sexual reasons, and there is no attachment involved, seems all right.
Huh? So I should be okay that he's still sexually attracted to his ex? Who I have to see? If he's sexually attracted to her, they're not friends.
I don't know where the other posters are coming from; that's definitely weird...
How is it okay that he potentially faps over his ex' photos as long as it's only sexual?! Especially if still in contact and you know her. Also does she know?!
Would definitely talk to if this is the situation
How is it okay that he potentially faps over his ex' photos as long as it's only sexual?! Especially if still in contact and you know her. Also does she know?!
Would definitely talk to if this is the situation
Spoiler
Original post by Momma's Kumquat
I dunno.. it's a toughie. Many people I've spoken to seem to agree that it's okay to have these photos.. they are memories after all. But my ex had a massive problem with it, so now, I don't say anything. If a girl I was seeing asked me, I would be honest and say I had them, but then again I don't use them to fap to.. which your boyfriend may do.
You have a right to be concerned, so I would suggest talking about it in a non-inflammatory way.
You have a right to be concerned, so I would suggest talking about it in a non-inflammatory way.
Some guys (and girls) do store pictures. It may be that he has forgotten about them or keeps them for posterity. Maybe he just thinks they are pictures like a picture of anyone else.
Original post by Anonymous
It's all right to fap to them, if there are no feelings or attachment involved. If it's purely fantasy then I would say it is normal.
I can understand though that if you knew this ex, then it could be awkward. Otherwise, it would be the same as having a hot picture of any celebrity or other girl.
I can understand though that if you knew this ex, then it could be awkward. Otherwise, it would be the same as having a hot picture of any celebrity or other girl.
I think if he uses hot pictures of her for fap material, then... okay maybe it is slightly odd considering it is his ex. However, would you mind him using a picture of another girl to fap to like a celebrity or another female friend? In this case it means that he is just using them for fantasy purposes.
I think if you do know the girl, then it is awkward and you should discuss it. If there is any feelings remaining for the ex, then it is a little odd. Otherwise, not sure if it is appropriate if you both know the person.
Original post by Anonymous
Huh? So I should be okay that he's still sexually attracted to his ex? Who I have to see? If he's sexually attracted to her, they're not friends.
Like I said, if you know the ex personally, then I don't think it would be appropriate for him to use her as his fap material.
If you didn't then it might just be that this girl is just a fantasy he faps to like any other celebrity or hot girl. Just a passing hot thought, nothing more.
If it is someone you know, then it might be best to ask. He may have simply forgot to delete them.
Original post by Inazuma
I don't know where the other posters are coming from; that's definitely weird...
How is it okay that he potentially faps over his ex' photos as long as it's only sexual?! Especially if still in contact and you know her. Also does she know?!
Would definitely talk to if this is the situation
How is it okay that he potentially faps over his ex' photos as long as it's only sexual?! Especially if still in contact and you know her. Also does she know?!
Would definitely talk to if this is the situation
Spoiler
If you know the girl, then it is weird. Otherwise it's just any other girl who he happens to perhaps find hot in a passing thought to fap to. But only in thought/fantasy land. That's assuming that the photo is not innocent or was about to be deleted only to be forgotten.
Talk about it and do what this poster just suggested, offer to replace them!
definitely not okay... like you said, it would be fine to keep some photos of an ex girlfriend, especially if they're on good terms but there is no need for nude photos unless he's planning on looking at them which is really inappropriate given their history
I'd also wonder whether she knows he still has them because I doubt many girls would be okay with an ex continuing to masturbate to their nudes...
that said, he may have forgotten they were there so talk to him about it calmly, he might just apologise and delete them
I'd also wonder whether she knows he still has them because I doubt many girls would be okay with an ex continuing to masturbate to their nudes...
that said, he may have forgotten they were there so talk to him about it calmly, he might just apologise and delete them
I do not think it's appropriate for a guy to keep naked photos of his ex for fap material when he's in a new relationship. This isn't just some allusive celebrity ...this is someone he used to have genuine feelings for. I have no idea where the other posters are coming from...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Really I think it's something he should've probably deleted when they broke up. I've had compromising photos/videos of my exes in the past and managed to delete them in a moment of maturity. Later on there were times when I really wished I hadn't, but it was for the wrong reasons that I wanted them.
On balance deleting is definitely the right thing to do, especially if they are just sexy photos as you've described. And since you've found them now, it's probably worth mentioning to him to see what he reckons. I don't think there any way he'll be able to justify keeping them, without sounding like a dirtbag, so you should be fine.
This reminds me, I should go and clear out my phone/computers of photos from my most recent break-up. They aren't seedy but they're still memories that make emotional distance harder.
On balance deleting is definitely the right thing to do, especially if they are just sexy photos as you've described. And since you've found them now, it's probably worth mentioning to him to see what he reckons. I don't think there any way he'll be able to justify keeping them, without sounding like a dirtbag, so you should be fine.
This reminds me, I should go and clear out my phone/computers of photos from my most recent break-up. They aren't seedy but they're still memories that make emotional distance harder.
It is now just pornography, simple as. It would be like having pics of sasha grey. Us males are visual creatures, a quick pic of a nudes and are rods turn rock hard. We don't have to be emotional in tune with the picture.
He should have deleted them after they broke up- it's just the right thing to do.
Original post by abbiemac
He should have deleted them after they broke up- it's just the right thing to do.
Oh really, like all my ex-girlfriends threw away all the cool stuff I gave them.
Original post by Anonymous
So I've been in a relationship for just over a year with a great guy.
When I initially got to know him, I came to know that he is good friends with an ex from about 2-3 years ago. This wasn't a problem at first, as I am good friends with one ex too.
But now I'm freaking out.
I was on his laptop, with his full knowledge and trying to locate photos of our recent holiday. On the same page, with all his other material, was a photo folder of his ex (and now good friend) with little to no clothing on. I'm pretty sure there was a video in there too.
I have no problem with people keeping photos of exes.
I do have a big problem with photos of naked exes, particularly if I have to see or speak to them regularly.
Their friendship also now worries me, as now I'm thinking he must still be sexually/romantically attached to her - why else would he still want to look at her naked? And how am I meant to be comfortable around someone who's naked on my boyfriend's laptop?
Help please.
When I initially got to know him, I came to know that he is good friends with an ex from about 2-3 years ago. This wasn't a problem at first, as I am good friends with one ex too.
But now I'm freaking out.
I was on his laptop, with his full knowledge and trying to locate photos of our recent holiday. On the same page, with all his other material, was a photo folder of his ex (and now good friend) with little to no clothing on. I'm pretty sure there was a video in there too.
I have no problem with people keeping photos of exes.
I do have a big problem with photos of naked exes, particularly if I have to see or speak to them regularly.
Their friendship also now worries me, as now I'm thinking he must still be sexually/romantically attached to her - why else would he still want to look at her naked? And how am I meant to be comfortable around someone who's naked on my boyfriend's laptop?
Help please.
You should be feeling uncomfortable if he is "good friends" with his ex whilst being in a relationship with you. Ask him to delete them...
(edited 9 years ago)
I would never have pics of an ex. What would I need it for? Especially if I'm with someone? Fair enough if you are good friends and they are 'normal' photos but anything other that is just plain disrespectful.
It's even more inappropriate because you and him both speak to her.
I think as well everyone else saying that it is 'just material' I'm going to have to say no, not it is not 'just' material. If your girl had a picture of her ex on her phone you'd be crying your eyes out!
If he has porn stars etc then yeah, that's slightly acceptable. But to have someone on his phone in pictures like that is a big no. Especially when he's still in contact with her.
Don't question yourself..coming from a guy... you have every right to be a little concerned.
It's even more inappropriate because you and him both speak to her.
I think as well everyone else saying that it is 'just material' I'm going to have to say no, not it is not 'just' material. If your girl had a picture of her ex on her phone you'd be crying your eyes out!
If he has porn stars etc then yeah, that's slightly acceptable. But to have someone on his phone in pictures like that is a big no. Especially when he's still in contact with her.
Don't question yourself..coming from a guy... you have every right to be a little concerned.
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