How can I get my confidence back? Oneitis/Friendzone/Messed up

I really need some help.

I met a girl, thought she was great, became friends. She told me from the get go she had a bf. Was a bit disappointed but at the time thought ok no worries we can be friends.

Over time, we became really close friends. And my feelings never went away. So as I got closer, my feelings became more stronger. Anyway, being an idiot, I admitted my feelings to her and she said I'm sorry I have a bf, don't be selfish, etc.

Anyway she did say to me, I can't think can't be friends coz I don't want you to be sad. I said no don't worry I'll be fine. And within a week we were talking like normal.

So over the past year she is pretty much the only girl I talk her. I haven't looked for other girls to talk to. I am just sort of stuck in a rut. I am not over her. I don't even know what I am doing, or what I am expecting to be honest.

I am in the friendzone I guess. Real deep.

I am also very attached and clingy towards her. I always stay with her at uni, she's pretty much my main (female) friend.

I am get very jealous when I see her talking to other guy friends. I can't control myself.

Anyway, I know I sound like a total idiot and pathetic but I am being honest here.

Today, she said to me, "why don't you talk to other girls?" "U won't find a gf if you don't even look around" etc etc.

And BOOM. That hit a nerve. I thought to myself, WTF is wrong with me? Why am I running around after this girl. I am doing everything for her, I am always available for her. I'm not treating her like a friend. I am doing too much for her, and when she doesn't do the same for me, I get hurt and upset etc.

So, my question to you guys is how do I change myself? What do I need to do? I am serious here and I have realised so many mistakes I have made with said girl. Some examples being:
- too clingy/attached
- not talking to other girls
- being her b*** I guess you could say
- getting upset over small things
- basically just not acting like a man
- getting jealous when I have no right to

I really like this girl. Like no other. But we can never be together. I need to get over her. I see her all the time in uni and it is hard seeing her knowing I like her but I HAVE TO CHANGE.

So can anyone offer me some tips or advice as to what I need to do, how I can change my bad habits mentioned above and anything else that might be helpful to me?

Reply 1

_Charlotte15

Original post by teamfitt22

You'll only be able to get with her if her bf breaks up with her but is that likely to occur?

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Reply 2

_Charlotte15

Original post by _Charlotte15

You'll only be able to get with her if her bf breaks up with her but is that likely to occur?

Posted from TSR Mobile

If not just stay close friends but try and detach yourself a little from her and even get tips off her for how to get other girls to like you ! Just be less clingy but don't be less of a friend to her

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

Crumpet1

Join things. Fill your evenings. You'll meet new people and won't be so addicted to your friend ... both wins.

Reply 4

Zarek

So, you have to accept that what you describe is the road to ruin. You waste years and there is nothing at the end of it and at some point due to your behaviour or pressure from a bf she will tell you to sling your hook. Fine to be friends with her, but only once you have found someone who does reciprocate your love, and then see if it still matters.

No easy way to break free of infatuation, but you have a chance to save face and more angst by having the courage to face facts and manage the situation - this will in due course give you your confidence back. Good luck.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 5

Black Cat

I'm surprised that she is even willing to put up with you seems like a nice girl, you need to distance yourself get to know more people. Stop giving your undivided attention to this girl start looking around she's right you won't find anyone if you don't look.

Reply 6

Sam Walters

Original post by teamfitt22

- too clingy/attached
- not talking to other girls
- being her b*** I guess you could say
- getting upset over small things
- basically just not acting like a man
- getting jealous when I have no right to

This mate is critical. Its the biggest and more important move not only because its the first.

Once you have those ideas in your head you'll distance yourself further and further from her. Trust me mate you need to its hell otherwise. Been there. Done that and found out codeine gives you a really great euphoric buzz when you take a lot of it in a very short space of time.

You may have something that i like to call the halo effect. Essentially a person has one redeeming feature and it becomes so strong in your mind that you ignore all the negative features and qualities.

The further you get away the more you realise them.