Boyf has changed completely but i still love him

Love him... from a distance. Just because you love him does not mean you have to stay with him. What's happening looks like a typical progression of domestic abuse toward a woman from a man. First he is sweet and great and you fall for him, love him a lot. Then he gradually but steadily starts to become more abusive, and you feel that since you love him you somehow have this responsibility to 'rescue him from himself' and so you feel its the right thing to do to stay with him, not knowing that by staying you're putting yourself in a situation which will very likely become more and more volatile till you eventually leave, he goes to jail or someone is killed. The window for you getting out of the situation is small. If I were you i'd get out running and move on. And don't have a baby with him, that could get super messy.

Watch this video, it's really relevant : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo

Oh man - what a tough situation!

Here's another perspective for you:

it sounds likes he's recently realised how much you mean to him - you are quite possibly his whole world right now, and his weird behaviour is because he's absolutely terrified of losing you. This can definitely happen! I'm not entirely sure what the best course to take is though. In theory, if you were happy to approach the conversation with this kind of thinking in mind, you might be able to do enough to reassure him that you're still totally committed and aren't interested in anyone else. Let him know that you're there for him, unconditionally etc etc. That you're hopefully going to have plenty of time to think about babies later so forget it for now.

To supplement this, it's definitely worth trying to get him out into the world again with his own friends and social circles - sometimes when we get too invested in our partners, we can let the rest slip away and it's hard to get back once the relationship goes sour. What happened 4-5 months ago? Did he graduate college or switch jobs or something along those lines?

In summary, I definitely don't think this is a death knell for you guys and definitely believe you can work it out and be happy with some good communication and openness. Good luck!

It just so happens that we spoke last night. He told me there's something wrong with him and that he needs help. We cried together held one another and kissed like the old times. He needs my help and I felt like I've exaggerated this all. He was crying out for me and all I cared about was how I feeling in this relationship. He's so confused right now that all he wants is things that make him happy I.e. Me, sex and our future (the baby). I feel so **** at the moment for not pestering him about what was wrong. He's drinking to forget something, what I don't know. I really appreciate everyone's advice and tips, it's given me some food for thought but for now I need to stand up and be the partner he deserves and loves.

yes. Yes. Yes. In previous replies I don't think I've stressed enough how in sync we usually are. Our families are so close, we lost our virginity to one another, we were there when we hit big milestones in our lives and we've always had a good passionate equal sex life. What did happen 4-5months ago? I don't know whether it could be this, it seems so small and irrelevant but another guy did buy me a drink once at the bar and flirted with me. But surely he would have said something right? It was only a drink and I did tell him and come straight back to him.

It just so happens that we spoke last night. He told me there's something wrong with him and that he needs help. We cried together held one another and kissed like the old times. He needs my help and I felt like I've exaggerated this all. He was crying out for me and all I cared about was how I feeling in this relationship. He's so confused right now that all he wants is things that make him happy I.e. Me, sex and our future (the baby). I feel so **** at the moment for not pestering him about what was wrong. He's drinking to forget something, what I don't know. I really appreciate everyone's advice and tips, it's given me some food for thought but for now I need to stand up and be the partner he deserves and loves.

My my mind is suddenly all over the place. Because I do feel overwhelmed with this feeling to as you said "rescue him from himself".

Yes, you feel that way because you love him. And that love is partially rooted in the faint hope that things will get back to the 'good old times'. The way he was when he got you smitten. And so you stay with him because you want to 'get your boyfriend back'. Unfortunately, I don't think the boyfriend you remember is coming back. The behaviour he's exhibiting now he probably picked up form something that has nothing to do with you. he hay have been abused at a young age, seen a parent or family member abusing etc. It's not really safe for you to assume that it's your place to 'heal him' or cure him, for the reasons I said before. The reason why he wants a baby is likely so he can seriously get you trapped in this situation. It's a tool in his toolbox. At the end of the day though it's your choice. two years from now you will surely arrive. The question is where? Will you be saying 'my boyfriend of 4 years caused these scars.. He led to me being incredibly insecure... He crushed my self esteem and Confidence. Now we even have a baby together and I don't have the confidence to summon up the courage to leave him.' Or in 2 years you could be saying '2 years ago I had a relationship that started off amazing but turned sour and bitter. I decided that it has passed its Best before date and passed its Do not try to fix it and get out date', so I did what I had to to protect myself, I left him. In that time I've found an amazing guy who treats me so much better.Looking back, I regret enduring his abuse as long as I did, but I didn't know. I thought it was 'our problem' and not 'his problem'.

...... did you even watch the video?

I'm sorry to suggest it, but is there a chance he could have cheated on you? Could explain a lot. If it happened when out it could explain why he's so keen to stay in alone these days (doesn't trust himself/want to remember). Also, the sudden over possessiveness could have come about as a result of cheating and the fear he would lose you, so he's gone to the extreme opposite of losing you; wanting to be with you any minute. Seeming different (angry, moody) could be due to guilt and anger with himself, not wanting to talk about breaking up because it's what he fears most, and wanting a baby to begin a new chapter as a solid family - maybe he thinks a baby would join you together forever no matter what...

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I've been going out with my current boyf for 2 years now. We were best mates for months before getting together. He always used to make me laugh, was always the clown of his mates and enjoyed a good night out. But more recently he's become, for no reason at all, more possessive over me. He doesn't like going out with our mates anymore, he likes us staying in together. He is demanding a lot more sex and gets angry with me when he has a drink and shouts abuse at me when i try to calm him down. This is so out of character for him. I try to ask him if every thing is ok but he only speaks to me when he wants sex, when he's drunk or when he tells me what to do. he was once the perfect the boys. what do i do?

the other day in a drunken chat, he told me he wants a baby. but a baby can't possibly make him any better.

Him wanting more sex is him wanting to try for a baby… which isn't going to happen. We also have the same group of friends which makes things awkward. They come over to ours but if we all go out together, i'm either not allowed to drink too much or have to go home early with him because he (only recently has started to become more jealous of other men talking to me)!!!