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Relationship Blues of Christmas

This Christmas it has come to my attention of all the couples spending their 'first christmas' together after roughly 2 of being in a relationship. This means going either of their houses and spending Christmas Day together as a couple with one of their family's.

This Christmas was mine and my boyfriend's 5th Christmas together as we've been together for 4 years; so next year of having been together for 5 years it will be our 6th Christmas.

I've asked him whether he would like to come over to my parents house and spend Christmas with us; He is Catholic so at 12am he will go with his Mum Stepdad and Siblings to Mass and then goes home to open his presents whilst having food - his Mum works in the NHS so often she has to work during Christmas Day. The rest of his family all live abroad so he is only really at home at Christmas with his three siblings and step-dad.
However after asking him the said question, he said no, and that he likes to spend it with his family etc. and that he'd rather be at home.

This of course has upset me deeply as there are people that I know (and this is no exaggeration) that haven't even been a couple for a year and the girl has flown out to Seattle where her boyfriend actually lives to spend a whole 2/3 weeks with him for Christmas... see why I feel upset about it?

I feel like he won't sacrifice just one Christmas, not even the whole day just half of it to come and spend it with me when so many people around me who haven't been together for anywhere near as long as me and my boyfriend and are spending their first Christmas' together. Am I being rational or unreasonable?

He is reluctant to even spend New Years with me - he wants to spend it with his family. This year he is working but I've never had a New Years Kiss with him either - should I be bothered by either of these things? Other than this we are incredibly happy together I just wish this situation could be a bit different.
You are happy in your relationship? I fear your complaint may be the end of it. Either your boyfriend is not being reasonable for always putting off Christmas with you, or you are unreasonable because you do not accept your boyfriend's view that staying with family over Christmas is more important.
I guess one compromise is to tag along with your boyfriend and visit his family (who could be your future in-laws), and show that you truly love him whilst also accepting his importance of visiting the family.
Well he obviously appreciates spending it with his family a lot. Are you religious yourself? If you aren't then I find it fairly obvious why he's rather spend Christmas with his family...

Even if you are though you need to compromise. I mean, we obviously want our partners to do things that they don't do but nobody is perfect. It's perfectly fine for you to want him to spend Christmas/new year with you and in an ideal world he would, however we don't live in an ideal world. To go as far as to consider breaking up with him over this would obviously be ridiculous since otherwise you guys have a good relationship going. The suggestion to tag along with his family if you are religious yourself seems like a great idea though.

I suppose you could talk to him a bit deeper about why he doesn't want to do it but I honestly wouldn't press too hard, especially around religious holidays...
(edited 9 years ago)
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Original post by shawn_o1
You are happy in your relationship? I fear your complaint may be the end of it. Either your boyfriend is not being reasonable for always putting off Christmas with you, or you are unreasonable because you do not accept your boyfriend's view that staying with family over Christmas is more important.
I guess one compromise is to tag along with your boyfriend and visit his family (who could be your future in-laws), and show that you truly love him whilst also accepting his importance of visiting the family.


I am very happy - I understand Christmas is family time because I spend it with my family too - I could visit his family but the thing is he probably wouldn't want me to tag along either because it is strictly family time I guess. All I'm really asking for is a couple of hours in the afternoon or evening to spend together during this time. Thanks for your reply.


Original post by TorpidPhil
Well he obviously appreciates spending it with his family a lot. Are you religious yourself? If you aren't then I find it fairly obvious why he's rather spend Christmas with his family...

Even if you are though you need to compromise. I mean, we obviously want our partners to do things that they don't do but nobody is perfect. It's perfectly fine for you to want him to spend Christmas/new year with you and in an ideal world he would, however we don't live in an ideal world. To go as far as to consider breaking up with him over this would obviously be ridiculous since otherwise you guys have a good relationship going. The suggestion to tag along with his family if you are religious yourself seems like a great idea though.

I suppose you could talk to him a bit deeper about why he doesn't want to do it but I honestly wouldn't press too hard, especially around religious holidays...


I am religious myself; but he is not a strict Catholic - we are not married and have had sex and have been having it for majority of our relationship; he doesn't attend church every Sunday either so its not the religious aspect of it to which he doesn't want to spend it with me. I'm not considering at all breaking up with him and I am religious myself but I don't see why I should have to tag along with his family if he doesn't want to tag along with mine? If I'm honest he probably wouldn't want me to be there anyway because he wants it for family only etc. which I understand but yeah. I guess I'm overreacting. Thanks for your reply.


Original post by CookieInOrange
Christmas is family time though :confused:

I suppose it's more important to some people than others, but we have a full set of traditions from Christmas eve to boxing day morning, and missing any of it would make Christmas not the same.

I wouldn't compare your situation to other people's, it really depends on the family. Ask if you can go along to his?


I know Christmas time is family time but it's one Christmas I am asking for; not even the whole day - we've been together for so long he is part of my family and I his.

I have traditions too - unfortunately this year they have been broken due to changes in my family situation so perhaps I am looking for new ones. I doubt he would want me to tag along as he has already expressed its family time. Thanks for your reply.
I personally see nothing wrong with that, and find it pretty ridiculous when couples who've dated 2 months go to each other's - it just shows they clearly don't value their family a lot. I was in a long term relationship, and I did and would have spent both christmas and new year with my family. I'm really close with them, and it's sort of a tradition- I've done that for 20 years of my life, and I'd like to keep it. Also, family is definitely forever, while relationships sometimes end. And lastly, my parents don't get to see me a the time, when I'm finally home for the holidays will I really ditch them on the special days? IMO, let him have his family day, spend the day after with him.

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